Inside R. Kelly’s Sick, Sad World

R. Kelly (aka Robert Sylvester Kelly)

A woman who claims to have intimate knowledge of some of the vile shit we’ve been hearing about at the R. Kelly complex has come forward, and she’s given the harrowing details to Jezebel. And she has receipts. Literally. She has the receipts that prove she was there.

Jezebel reports that the woman, who is given the pseudonym Kim, had an ongoing sexual relationship with R. Kelly. Kim met him about a year ago when she was pulled onstage at a concert. The report states that Kim, who is white, in her mid-twenties and not involved in the music industry (unlike most of the other women involved), “flew to see Kelly about ten times” and that “she said she had been with Kelly as recently as this summer.” It seems Kim was well aware of what she was doing and made it clear that she was never personally under R. Kelly’s Svengali-esque influence. But she has apparently seen some shit… As to those receipts, Jezebel reports:

She provided screenshots of text messages she said were between her and Kelly’s assistant, Diana Copeland, as well as a few between her and Kelly (although, she said, “he’s basically illiterate” and prefers phone calls and FaceTime). She also showed Jezebel travel itineraries for the trips she took to see him, hotel receipts, and a photo she took of the singer asleep on a hotel couch. The itineraries and receipts match up with both Kelly’s tour history and travel documented on Kim’s Instagram account.

Kim’s not fucking around. Well, she was fucking around, but at least she was methodical about that shit. Enjoy the part where she calls him out for being illiterate, because that’s the last “fun” detail you’ll read in this story. Kim detailed some of rules R. Kelly has for the girls which anybody who’s read Helter Skelter or Going Clear will not be surprised by. Jezebel reports that Kim said:

“When we’re out we’re not allowed to look at anyone. We have to keep our heads down.”

The girls are also instructed to “tell on each other. If we’re in an Uber and we chat up the driver we’re supposed to tell him this girl did this or that. He’s very controlling and manipulative. He likes to be in control.”

The women are all instructed to call Kelly “Daddy” at all times, she said, while he refers to them as his “babies.”

“We’re not allowed to talk about anything. We can compliment shoes or nail polish or make small talk about the weather but we can’t talk about any personal details.”

“He records everything. Absolutely everything.”

Yep, that is some classic manipulation torn from the pages of the L. Ron Hubbard playbook. Kim says she never saw “any violence whatsoever,” but gives one particularly disturbing account of a girl being punished for not performing a sex act when requested. The girl was made to strip completely naked with the exception of a heavy chain necklace. Kim goes on, telling Jezebel:

“He had his iPad recording and she was naked except for a big chain and she was running laps from one end of the room to the other. She was running laps around the room and apologizing. She kept saying, ‘I’ve been bad, I’m sorry Daddy,’ shit like that. And I’m standing there and she starts apologizing to me.”

Kim relays many other salacious details with such specificity that it’s nearly impossible to doubt her account. And naturally, R. Kelly’s toadies are running around doing their best to deny, deny, deny. In his own defense, R. Kelly took to Twitter two days ago (#tooktotwitter; I’m going to keep using this until it takes, dammit!) to remind his fans and the world that he is a legend, much like his homie, Nelson Mandela, who also had to rise up in the face of haters.

The look in Nelson’s eyes says it all; “get yo stank-ass dragon breath off me and back the fuck off, you raggedy ass perv“. R. Kelly has got a lot of nerve. First, he tells everybody he can fly and now he’s comparing himself to Nelson Mandela?  Well guess what? You can’t fly, and you are going down.

Pic: Wenn.com

Dlisted

Beyoncé Twins Reveal Shakes World To Its Core

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Go ahead and hit play on this, it should be playing in the background before you proceed. Go to the 0:20 mark. I will wait.

Got that cued up? Ok, good. We may proceed.

And Beyoncé saw that everything she had made was good, and there was evening and there was morning, the 6th day. Genesis 4:44

Under the cover of night, a hushed silence was pierced as the angels spontaneously broke out into rapturous adulation, their voices echoing throughout the universe with their heavenly refrains. Behold, bitches: The Twin Messiahs!

Late last night while most of you were sleeping, Beyoncé broke the internet by posting the much anticipated first photo of her twin babies Sir Carter and Rumi to Instagram, confirming the names and garnering 1.6 million “likes” within the first two hours. It currently has more than 7 million.

The elaborate, Botticelli-inspired photo echoes the photo she posted officially announcing her pregnancy back in February. The Malibu, California branches of both Michael’s Craft Store and Jo-Ann Fabrics are still reporting severe inventory shortages and hope to be able to reopen sometime in the fall.

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I made my husband look at this picture of Sir Carter and Rumi closely before he headed off to work this morning. My husband calls all newborn babies raisins and says they all look alike. But he thought these two were different and I have to agree. Right above their little squished up faces, if you look closely, you will see something truly amazing. Look!

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A real life miracle, in OUR LIFETIME!!!

Pics: Instagram

Dlisted

A Redditor Named “KatyPerrysBootyHole” Scooped The MLB World On The Jose Quintana Trade

Instagram Photo

White Sox ace Jose Quintana was traded earlier today to the Cubs for 4 prospects, which is some pretty big news in the baseball world. The White Sox get to stack their farm system even more and the Cubs get the ace-caliber pitcher that they’ve needed. A win-win for both sides.

But the best part about this trade isn’t the trade itself. It’s the guy who broke it. If you want to get technical, the teams actually broke it because somehow every baseball reporter on the planet was napping at the same time, but really this dude “KatyPerrysBootyHole” broke it last night before anyone. He threw this post up on Reddit saying he’s heard from sources about the trade and then “wetbutt23” swoops in and confirms. Big day for butts in baseball.

This is the world we’re living in, people. In 2017, dudes on Reddit named after a celebrity’s b-hole are breaking big time trades in Major League Baseball. What a time to be alive.

 


Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

Prince William Bonding With Veterans Will Remind You That the World Is Good

Prince William may be a royal and all, but he definitely knows what really matters in life. The father of two touched the hearts of everyone on Tuesday when he bonded with WWII veterans during a visit to The Battle of Britain Memorial Flight to mark its 60th anniversary at RAF Coningsby in England. William, who is patron of the flight, which was formed to honor the iconic planes involved in the Battle of Britain, appeared to exchange quite a few stories with the veterans as they chatted animatedly and shared a few laughs. At one point, William even bent down on one knee to shake the hand of an older man in a wheelchair. If this outing proves one thing, it’s that his late mother, Princess Diana, would be incredibly proud of the work he’s doing.

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Hey World, Hang In There Until We Can See This Movie, Okay?

With the Paris Accord still winning Trump headlines, there’s perhaps no upcoming movie so topical as the «what if we could control the weather» parable, Geostorm. Because also what if sinister hackers broke into the satellite system to cause wide-scale weather catastrophes?

This movie looks like if Snakes On a Plane had a baby with 2012, and that baby had a baby with the baby born from White House Down and The Day After Tomorrow. And of course it stars Gerard Butler.

Geostorm opens October 20th. We’ll see you there.

Pajiba

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Pie, Rooney Mara! Wait, No… Come Back!

It has recently come to our attention that Rooney Mara experienced the glory of pie for the first time during the filming of her new movie A Ghost Story.

Adding insult to injury, it apparently was also her last foray into the world of pie, for frankly understandable reasons:

Look, we don’t fuck with sugar-free anything around these parts, but we can understand if Mara has her own dietary restrictions. Mostly, it just makes us sad that she may never again experience the vibrant, varied wonderfulness the world of pie has to offer.

(Well, it makes some of us sad. But even within the Pajiba ranks there is dissent, in the form of a pestilence known as «Team Cake.» So, in the interest of avoiding yet another bloody food-based Civil War, we shall hereby acknowledge that dessert be dessert, whether it be pie-filled or spongey, and there is no incorrect choice. Just one very deeply, morally wrong one, if presented with both options. *coughTEAMPIEcoughcough*)

So, in the interest of showing Ms. Mara all that pie has to offer her life, her tastebuds, and her soul, we’ve decided to compile a helpful starters guide to the wonderful world of pie!



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First, we know it’s confusing. What even IS a pie, really? Is it a dessert or a dinner? Fruit pies, creme pies, pot pies, shepherd’s pies — the possibilities are endless. Is a tart a pie? WTF is a «galette»? How does pizza fit into this whole scenario?

Pie usually involves crust (unless it doesn’t, like shepherd’s pie), and a filling. Sometimes there is a top and a bottom crust, or sometimes there is only a bottom. Sometimes it’s folded over to form a hand pie, or folded up and around like a little pouch (that, in fact, is a galette). Crust in and of itself is an art form, with some recipes calling for buttery crust and others for flakey crust. Or you can mash up some graham crackers and call THAT a crust.

And the fillings! Oh the fillings! Berries, apples, pumpkins, even sweet potatoes (which is a travesty but SOME of us like it so whatever)! Custards — lemon or lime, or even chocolate! Meats and gravy and cheese and veggies! There is only one pie filling fact that we should all take a moment to acknowledge:

There is no excuse for pecan pie. Ever. It sullies the name of pies everywhere. What even is that? You know what? Let’s not think about it.

But any discussion of pie is remiss without listing the best examples. So, Rooney, here are some amazing pies you should try before you abandon them completely!

1) Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

It’s summertime, which is as good a reason as any to give this sweet/tart dish top billing. Try it with a crumb topping, and then try it again with a crust top. Then try both again, just to be sure you’ve gotten the whole picture.

2) Apple Pie

Ok, this isn’t hands-down the best, but it is an essential part of the pie experience because, let’s face it, Grandma’s apple pie is the best. Anyone’s grandma. Basically if a grandma makes it, it’s good. Though one thing we should note: the filling should be cooked to the point that it is almost apple sauce. Anyone who tells you the pieces of apple should still have some body to them, some bite, some chew — that person is a goddamn liar.

3) Meat Pie

Meat pies come in all sorts of varieties, from the bright yellow Jamaican beef patty to the endless varieties of British hand pies. Pot pies, mince pies, steak & kidney pies — it’s all proof that pie can be salty instead of sweet and still be just as satisfying. Please forgive me for lumping all savory pies together, but I find it impossible to pick between them. They are all delicious.

4) Key Lime Pie

Perhaps you’d prefer Lemon Meringue? Personally, I love a good Chocolate or Banana Creme Pie. But the fact remains, if you’re looking for a good example of a thick, creamy custardy pie with a cracker crust and a tart bite to it, you HAVE to try a Key Lime Pie.



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5) Pumpkin Pie

This pie straddles the line between savory and sweet, and still has a custard filling as well. It’s the best of all possible worlds. Before there were Pumpkin Spice Lattes, there was just Pumpkin Pie. Please note: Sometimes it looks like Sweet Potato Pie. Don’t let yourself be fooled.

6) Tarts & Galettes

Sure, these may seem like high-brow, fanciful versions of a standard pie, but they still have their place in the dessert rotation! Tarts are shallow, with a custardy filling topped by glossy fruit like little shining jewels. Galettes are free-form pies. Melting-clock Surrealist pies. And yet, with that freedom comes endless invention. Mix together whatever you want for filling, pour it into the center of a piece of dough, and wrap that dough up and around like a little magic pouch-of-plenty.

7) Pizza

Yes. Pizza. It’s a pie. Please tell me you’ve had pizza!

8) Berry Pie

Any berry will do. Blueberry? Blackberry? Triple-Berry?! Take your pick! You can mix and match to your heart’s content.

9) Cherry Pie

This one’s for you, Agent Cooper!

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10) Crack Pie

Since there was no goddamn way Pecan Pie would make this list, here is a delicious nutless alternative. We don’t recommend you try it at home (it sounds hard to make, and frankly you don’t really want to spoil the mystery by seeing just how unhealthy it is for you), but this Momofuku Milk Bar original recipe is worth a try anyway. So if you ever find yourself near a Milk Bar, drop in and grab a slice!

Now, Rooney, I’d like to share a personal story about pie. Years ago, after my first and last attempt to bake a whole Thanksgiving turkey, I gave up on the holiday and instead formed what came to be known as Piesgiving. In a nutshell: Eat pie all day, for every course. Apple Pie for breakfast. Pumpkin Pie for lunch. Dinner could be any form of savory pie — I typically opted for Chicken Pot Pie. And for dessert, finish it off with some Chocolate Creme Pie. Basically, pie beats pilgrims every time.

But not as hard as it beats cake.

Pajiba

4 Ways Prince William Is Making Sure Princess Diana’s Mark Is Left on the World

Prince William was just 15 years old when his mother, Princess Diana, died in a car accident in August 1997. Even though it’s been nearly 20 years since her tragic passing, the royal intends to keep his mother’s legacy alive. Not only has William gotten more and more comfortable with speaking about Diana in interviews, but both he and Prince Harry have championed some of the same charities as their mother and attribute their philanthropic nature to her. Here are four ways William is carrying on Diana’s legacy with his charity work.

POPSUGAR Celebrity

All the Times Ashley Graham Slipped Into a Bikini and Looked Out of This World

Ashley Graham has been steaming up the beach, the streets, the runways, and social media for the better part of two years, and we just can’t get enough. The 29-year-old stunner keeps us motivated with her inspiring quotes on body positivity and loving your curves, and her curves in a bikini are a real sight to behold. We’ve rounded up Ashley’s best swimsuit moments in celebration of Ashley, swimsuits, and supreme body confidence.

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Serena Williams Vs. The World

Serena Williams is quite possibly the greatest athlete ever. Full stop. Not the greatest female athlete. Not the greatest Black athlete. The greatest athlete ever. If you need to debate someone about this, then go debate your mother who is still mad at you for ranking Chris Pine above Chris Evans.(And she can always turn to Kristy to back her up)

Not too long ago, I wrote a slightly profanity-laden post for Pajiba about how successful Black women like Serena as well as Beyoncé aren’t permitted to live their lives however they choose without having to deal with criticisms that aren’t applied to equally successful (and not equally successful) women who aren’t Black. I wrote about how people clearly didn’t get the memo that Serena, Beyoncé, and any other Black woman can and do live their lives however the fuck they want and that the criticisms of others will not stop them from doing so. And much like Lauryn Hill at her very own concert where people are waiting for her to finally show on stage already and do her damn job that they all paid tickets for, that memo still hasn’t appeared and is nowhere to be found.

Earlier this week, retired tennis player/legend/old man who regularly yells at clouds John McEnroe was being interviewed by Lulu Garcia-Navarro of NPR while promoting his newest book You Cannot Be Serious and pretty much stated that if Serena had spent her career playing against male tennis players instead of female tennis players, she wouldn’t have achieved the greatness that she has:

Garcia-Navarro: We’re talking about male players but there is of course wonderful female players. Let’s talk about Serena Williams. You say she is the best female player in the world in the book.

McEnroe: Best female player ever — no question.

Garcia-Navarro: Some wouldn’t qualify it, some would say she’s the best player in the world. Why qualify it?

McEnroe: Oh! Uh, she’s not, you mean, the best player in the world, period?

Garcia-Navarro: Yeah, the best tennis player in the world. You know, why say female player?

McEnroe: Well because if she was in, if she played the men’s circuit she’d be like 700 in the world.

Garcia-Navarro: You think so?

McEnroe: Yeah. That doesn’t mean I don’t think Serena is an incredible player. I do, but the reality of what would happen would be I think something that perhaps it’d be a little higher, perhaps it’d be a little lower. And on a given day, Serena could beat some players. I believe because she’s so incredibly strong mentally that she could overcome some situations where players would choke ’cause she’s been in it so many times, so many situations at Wimbledon, The U.S. Open, etc. But if she had to just play the circuit — the men’s circuit — that would be an entirely different story.

Upon learning about this, Serena responded to McEnroe’s remarks on Twitter:


Which was just Serena’s polite but firm way of saying:

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Soon after that, Vanity Fair released photos from their upcoming issue in which Serena Williams (interviewed by journalist/Friday Night Lights author Buzz Bissinger and photographed by the legendary Annie Leibowitz) is naked, pregnant, and looking like she walked right off the sands of Themyscira in order to take these photographs.

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You would think that everyone would stand back, shut up and enjoy the sight of Serena Williams looking gorgeous and radiant as she prepares to become a mother and have her life changed forever. And unfortunately, you would be wrong, because when it comes to people sharing their unwanted opinions and criticisms on what Black women say and do and how they say and do it, that particular train is never late.

From The Washington Post:

…it would have been fine to skip this strange celebrity ritual, this complicated stew of personal indulgence, brand tending and sociopolitical me-too-ism. Yes, pregnancy is beautiful and powerful and worthy of celebration. You are womanly. You are phenomenal. God bless. But it has become virtually impossible for a celebrity to go through a pregnancy without getting naked for the cameras, her fans and — presumably — herself.

A woman who does not live her life on the public stage might hire a photographer to memorialize these special nine months and then tuck those images into a family photo album, frame them for display at her home. But to place those photos on the cover of a major magazine or insert them into an Instagram feed that reaches 100 million fans suggests not only that one’s pregnancy is of interest to the public but that it is also meaningful in some uniquely grand and sweeping way.

Most likely, however, it is not.

…This is not the first time that Williams has displayed her extraordinary physique. She did so memorably in 2009 for one of ESPN’s body issues. Back then, she was an athlete showing off her professional instrument. This Vanity Fair cover is about voyeurism. It reminds us that life’s milestones are not real until they are publicly validated. It’s yet another way in which celebrities pony up a piece of themselves to the public, making it that much more difficult to create boundaries in the future. Does anyone still actually want boundaries? Perhaps not.

If Taylor Swift were to suddenly announce her pregnancy, would she also be the subject of opinion pieces stating that we don’t need to see any more celebrities on magazine covers showing off their naked and pregnant bodies to the world? Or would she be the subject of articles stating how much she has clearly grown and matured before our very eyes ever since she first appeared on the country-music scene, and write with pride and admiration how far she has come in who she is and how she represents herself, and how she represents the many women who look up to her?
It’s highly unlikely that we’re going to start demanding that female celebrities stop appearing in photoshoots in which they appear to be barely clothed or not clothed at all, and yet there’s something about seeing a woman basking in her pregnancy for the world to see that makes people wince and go, «I think pregnancy is great and beautiful, buuuuuuuuuut…» Or at the very least there’s something about Serena basking in her pregnancy that makes some people reach that breaking point (or pretend to reach that breaking point so that we have a reason to click on the content of their newspapers) in seeing such imagery and say that enough is enough.

Here’s a list of the many things that Serena Williams has done and accomplished in her career, and also the list of things that Serena has had to put up with and be judged for as a result of what she has done and accomplished in her career:

— Won 23 Grand Slam titles

— Won 4 Olympic gold medals

— 7-time Wimbledon singles champion (2002, 2003, 2009, 2010, 2012, 2015, 2016)

— 6-time US Open singles champion (1999, 2002, 2008, 2012, 2013, 2014)

— 6-time Australian Open singles champion (2003, 2005, 2007, 2009, 2010, 2015)

— 3-time French Open singles champion (2002, 2013, 2015)

— 6-time Wimbledon doubles champion (2000, 2002, 2008, 2009, 2012, 2016)

— 4-time Australian Open doubles champion (2001, 2003, 2009, 2010)

— 2-time US Open doubles champion (1999, 2009)

— 2-time French Open doubles champion (1999, 2010)

playing tennis in the Australian Open while two months pregnant

— winning against her opponent at the Australian Open while two months pregnant

appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated‘s Swimsuit Issue

— married Alexis Ohanian, who co-created Reddit

— marrying a White man instead of marrying her Black ex-boyfriends Common, Drake, or any other Black man she may have dated or crossed paths with

— being pregnant by a White man instead of being pregnant by Common, Drake, or any other Black man, and causing many of those same trolls and assholes to feel betrayed and ignored. Despite the fact that Serena was never under any obligation whatsoever to give her attention or her affection to only Black men or any Black man, for that matter.

— for supposedly looking like a man, for not looking feminine enough. and for having the kind of body that many people judged Gal Gadot for not having when she was cast to play Wonder Woman. Bear in mind that the very same men judging her for her physique are also the same ones feeling betrayed because Serena chose not exchange vows and share her life with another Black man

It’s no secret (not to most Black people, anyway) that Black women are always expected to be twice as good and work twice as hard in order to get half of what everyone else gets. I’ve already gone into detail as to why tennis players who have gone up against Serena and lost (repeatedly and badly) have been rewarded with more magazine covers and lucrative sponsorship deals than Serena herself, so I’ll just use this GIF to sum up all of the reasons as to why that is:

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No matter how many times this is shouted from the mountaintops only to fall on deaf ears, Black women will continue to do their thing and live their lives, and do it incredibly well. And they will continue to do this without listening or answering to men who have made their careers (and continue to do so) by spouting ridiculous bullshit at a loud volume so that all eyes are on them, men who refer to Black women like Serena Williams as men/gorillas/Negro bed-wenches (yes, that last term is very real and no, you don’t want to know of or acknowledge the existence of men who use such a term on a regular basis. Take my word on this.) out of one side of their mouths while using the other side of those very same mouths to complain and wonder aloud why they don’t want to show loyalty and be the Queens that Black men deserve to have.


So let me end this in a way that many a fuckboy will hopefully understand upon reading this.

If you’re a fuckboy and you go out of your way to show how much of a fuckboy you really and truly are, know this:

Black women don’t want you. Black women don’t want your attention. Black women don’t want your opinions on anything they say or do. Black women don’t want your opinions on what they wear or how they wear it. Black women don’t need or want your approval. Black women certainly don’t want your pathetic and Ashy Larry-looking excuse of a dick anywhere near them. Black women want absolutely nothing to do with you or what you think you can offer them. And the fact that you fuckboys know this, and that Black women make this unmistakably clear to you whenever you decide to express contempt and disrespect towards them…it makes you mad.

So stay mad. Because Black women aren’t going to give you any reasons whatsoever to feel otherwise.

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