Twitter Shuts Down a WashPo Reporter Who Tried to Normalize Trump After Last Night’s Speech

I don’t know who came up with «The Ratio,» but it is fool-proof in determining whether a tweet has gone bad. The Ratio, as GQ says, is «if the number of replies to a tweet vastly outpaces its engagement in terms of likes and retweets, then something has gone horribly wrong.» It makes total sense — likes and retweets express approval or agreement. Replies are generally people yelling at you.

Check out The Ratio on this tweet. As of publication, it has 432 retweets and 14,000 replies.

That’s a bad tweet. This would have been a bad tweet after the convention, when it was apparent that Trump would never pivot. This was a bad tweet after the election, when it became apparent that Trump would never be «presidential.» This is a terrible tweet the week after the man drew a moral equivalency between Nazis and those protesting Nazis.

Twitter wasn’t having it.


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Donald Trump Stared Into the Eclipse, and Twitter Stared Back

How was the solar eclipse, folks? We got 58 percent coverage here in Kittery, Maine, which means it basically looked like a cloudy day. *shrug emoji* It looked a lot cooler in other places.

Meanwhile, you just knew Trump would look, didn’t you? Of course he stared at the eclipse. OF COURSE HE DID. Someone told him not to, so he HAD to stare at the sun. It’s Donald Trump!

Boo Kurp! Boooooo!

Header photo Mark Wilson/GETTY

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Dan Harmon Says Trump Is A Nazi, Fascism Is Cancer, And Bernie Bros Need To Stop

Anyone who’s watched Community or Rick and Morty probably has a good handle on what creator Dan Harmon thinks of Nazis and fascism. But in the wake of the grotesque events surrounding the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, he distilled his thoughts on both within «Down with Sighty,» episode 254 of his podcast Harmontown. It’s a perfectly outraged oration for our very very fucked up era.

Harmon begins with a tragically modern greeting: «Hello, how are you? The usual niceties. I should also add, ‘I’m not a Nazi.’ That’s a new thing you just add to be polite. That’s the new minimum definition of inter-human communication. You want to start (with): ‘I’m not a Nazi.'»

He went on to note it should be easy to proclaim yourself «not a Nazi,» and yet, «The president has a difficult time, and he has no repercussions to fear really, except for some Nazis not voting for him…he couldn’t bring himself to do it, and that’s as close as you’re going to get from a coward to saying, ‘I’m a Nazi.'»

Yes, Dan Harmon has called the president a Nazi. Because at this point, that has become nearly as easy as proclaiming, «I am not a Nazi.»

He goes on:

«The discourse is over. We have sat. We have talked. We have pondered. The discourse is over…the war has begun. You’re not talking to Nazis anymore. You’re not talking to people that want to entertain the notion of being a Nazi anymore. You don’t want to talk to people that want to circumscribe the concept of Nazism within a fucking Socratic dialectic about goddamn whether Nazi Nazi Nazi Nazi. They’re fucking Nazis. It’s the bedrock of humanity. It’s so low that the worst people in the world find it, and that’s where they rally. And it’s so low we have gotten so bad, that a 1/3 of our country has gotten there! 29% of the people are fucking Nazis! Let’s face it. That’s a minority. We can beat them! We have to say, ‘I’m NOT A NAZI’ though!»

2/3 of the country doesn’t want to be political. It’s not politics to say you’re not a Nazi! It’s like taking a shit. You just do it or you explode! You die if you don’t shit and you die if you don’t say you’re not a Nazi. Fascism is a fucking cancer, it will eat your country unless your country kills it.

Here’s what happens when you get cancer: NOTHING GOOD. NOTHING. There is no way out of it. I’m your country’s doctor. You’ve got cancer. You have fascism. You are going to suffer. You are going to fight. You are going to feel pain. You are not getting out of this. We have fascism. It is happening. We’re fucking dead maybe, or maybe they’re dead. That’s about it. There’s not a continuum. It’s not a grey area. It’s not a fad. Fascism doesn’t pop up and then recede when it finds out no one’s into it. It doesn’t respond to love. It doesn’t respond to hate. It doesn’t respond to ignoring it. It doesn’t respond to timeouts. It doesn’t respond to attention. It doesn’t respond to lack of attention.

You stab it. You cut it out. You bombard it with poison or you die. And in any case, you will probably die. Don’t die talking to cancer! Don’t die hanging out with it. Don’t die arguing with it on Twitter. It’s fucking fascism. ENOUGH! Team up. Stop bitching about Bernie Sanders. I don’t care what flavor you want your democracy to be. It’s democracy versus motherfucking fascism!

You can be as Bernie as you want! You got to do it later man. You’ve got to do it fucking later. You got to do it later.»

Hear it in full and in full force below:

H/T Den of Geek

The header is from the Rick and Morty ep «Something Ricked This Way Comes,» where after beating the devil (literally), Rick and Summer kick the asses of other evil excuses for humanity.

So you know where Harmon stands on the punching Nazis debate. They are fucking Nazis.

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Jimmy Fallon And Seth Meyers Dragged Trump On “Weekend Update Thursday”

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There’s very few things that could make me appreciate the wig-patting simper of Jimmy Fallon. This isn’t one of those things. Fortunately, Seth Meyers passes muster, and he offset his former co-worker’s presence last night on Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday.

Unless you live in the echoing void where Paris Hilton’s brain should be housed, you’ve heard about POTUS decrying the recent trend of states tearing down their monuments commemorating racism honoring Confederate soldiers of the Civil War. White supremacists’ tiki-torch protest of a Robert E. Lee statue being slated for demolition in Charlottesville, VA last weekend resulted in a woman being killed. Afterwards, President Donald Trump bemoaned that the US will next be tearing down statues of Washington and Jefferson (that’s when he wasn’t lifting the spirits of bigots everywhere). Jimmy and Seth got into the seriousness while dressed up as those presidents. Personally I’d rather watch Tina Fey preach the truth and eat grilled cheese dipped in sheet cake, and luckily we get that too.

Jimmy played a smarmy Washington, so basically just Jimmy Fallon with a powdered wig on. He protested Trump’s comparison of him with Robert E. Lee. Weekend Update host Michael Che called him out for treating Donald Trump like he was a cute plushie toy when he did Jimmy’s Tonight Show owning slaves.

According to EW:

“You gonna do me like that on national TV?” said Fallon as the first president. “That was bad. That was wrong. But if you want to talk about owning slaves, you should really be talking to Thomas Jefferson.”

That’s when Seth Meyers came out as Thomas Jefferson and they bro-ed out.

“You’re going to make me the slave guy, really?” he told his fellow former president. “Look, we’ve all done bad things. But the difference between us and Robert E. Lee is that we also did good things.”

The Tina Fey sketch is phenomenal. Tina preaches! With cake! Haven’t you always wanted to just attack a sheet cake from Costco when times are bleak? Set up a high-dive over it! Sheet cakes have that particular Play-Doh-like taste and the preservative-riddled frosting that triggers an intense sugar high. Delicious! We could probably solve a lot of problems if we could all just gather around a sheet cake. Tina knows.

Pic: YouTube

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Delivers Powerful Anti-Nazi Speech, Trump Criticism

Former hosts of the reality-TV show The Apprentice are having it out on Twitter over the future of our nation regarding white nationalism. And you thought 2016 was stupid and awful.

After President* Donald Trump flubbed his initial remarks on Charlottesville, took two goddamn days to half-ass a do-over only to double down in a way so blindingly transparent it sent most of us into a spiral of rage and into the bottoms of a booze bottle, former Governor of California/movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger released a video giving the Donald a lesson on how to respond to goddamn Nazis.

It includes a bobblehead of the great orange disgrace. Because 2017 laughs at your ire and pain.

Schwarzenegger speaks of moral responsibility and the importance of speaking unequivocally against racism and hate that can—and are—ripping our country to pieces. His is a beautiful and powerful message that speaks to American and Austrian history, compassion and the angels of our better nature. But everything about the context that’s led to it is so bonkers that no one will blame you for reaching for your emergency desk bottle of booze. (I’m not the only one who has one of those, right?)

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Financial Journalists Eviscerate Claims that Trump Is Responsible for Stock Market, Jobs Growth

This is just fun, because — like many of you — I get annoyed with claims by Trump and Trump Republicans that the economy was in the tank before the election, and that the new heights on the stock market and the jobs growth in the first six months of this year is all thanks to the Almighty Trump.

Bullshit.

First of all, the economy wasn’t in the tank. The economy has been on steady upward trajectory since March 2009, and that trajectory has continued since Trump was elected. What did Trump actually do to continue that trajectory? Did he pass tax reform? Or fix health care? Or single handedly create millions of jobs?

No. Those are the result of policies put into place by President Obama. We have yet to really feel the effects of Trump’s policies, in large part because he hasn’t enacted any policies save for rolling back a lot of regulatory rules which were put into place to prevent another catastrophe like we had in 2008.

Anyway, it just feels nice to see financial journalists — in this case, Ali Velshi and Stephanie Ruhle — confront a stuttering Trump surrogate with that fact.

And while we’re here, here’s a short explainer from Stephanie Ruhle elucidating the very real differences between George Washington and Robert E. Lee.


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Donald Trump Tries to Break Up with His Advisory Council Before They Break Up With Him

As of earlier today, eight CEOs have dropped out of Donald Trump’s manufacturing advisory council, including the most recent departures, the CEOs of 3M and Campbell’s Soup. Earlier today, Politico reported that the economic council was in disarray, and that CEOs had a phone call meeting this morning and discussed disbanding completely.

Trump is trying to beat them to the punch.

Uh, yeah. Dude. No one’s buying it. You cannot fire people who have already quit.

I’ll remind you all, as well, that Trump posted this just yesterday.

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Uh huh. Those CEOs are lining up, aren’t they, Donny?

Now I’d like to see Trump fire everyone in the White House before they quit, too (please quit! Come on, people! For the love of God, what are you waiting for?)

Meanwhile, someone is coming home early. Maybe he thinks he’ll have a new position waiting for him.


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‘Like A Supervillain Whose Superpower Is Bullsh*t’: Peter Serafinowicz On Comedy In The Age Of Trump

The Hollywood Reporter recently spoke with Peter Serafinowicz, a very hilarious human being who has popped up in everything from Shaun of the Dead to Guardians of the Galaxy. He even voiced Darth Maul in the Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Ostensibly the British actor was promoting his starring role in Amazon’s new The Tick series… or at least he was, until the interview took a turn toward the Trump.

You see, Serafinowicz is also the man behind those «Sassy Trump» videos you may have seen on Twitter. Here’s a sample from the recent «on many sides» speech:

They are wonderful, and terrifying, and Serafinowicz has been dedicated to producing them consistently for over a year. When asked what his reasoning behind the videos was, this was how he explained it:

Well, Donald Trump…in a way he’s like a supervillain whose superpower is bullshit. I really mean that. I know it’s a jokey thing to say, but it’s definitely a thing. He is an expert…possibly the best bullshitter that mankind has created.

To anybody who is in comedy, they say, well you’ve got four more years of great material. And every comic I know, every comedy writer is like, fuck, no, you don’t understand. It’s like he’s nigh-invulnerable, like The Tick. He’s beyond parody because he’s so exaggerated. That’s a major way that people make fun of somebody — taking a trait of theirs and exaggerate it to an absurd level. But with Trump, every trait of his is exaggerated to 100. And the things he does are so out of the realms of reality that even in a comedy they would be like, OK guys, come on, you’ve got to rewrite this, nobody is going to believe it.

So with Sassy Trump, and it certainly wasn’t the intention at the start, I realized as I went on that by adding this layer of a silly voice over this man’s actual real words, it strips away a layer, weirdly. The words are concealed by his bullshit. By adding this layer it reveals them. And you realize, shit, he is the president of the USA and these are the actual words he is saying.

He goes on to discuss the reaction he’s gotten from the U.S. (surprise — journalists love the videos), and muse about whether Trump will start to out-sass him, making it impossible to continue. The whole article is worth a read, because he is a gem of a guy with a lot of great stories. The Tick launches on Amazon August 25th. And in the meantime, here’s Sassy Trump discussing North Korea:

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“Feminist” Paris Hilton Thinks Women Only Accuse Trump Of Assault For Money

Paris Hilton Gold Rush Tour

For some reason, the editorial board at Marie Claire still thinks it’s 2007, and it is somehow imperative to interview Paris Hilton for her “career,” which, last time I checked, these days simply involves pressing play on a Spotify playlist and leading the Conga line at a foam party in Ibiza.

Because you go straight to hell if you interview a lady celeb and don’t ask her about feminism and virginity, and we all know Paris’s stance on the latter, the interviewer asked her about the former. Her response was very Paris:

“I just feel it’s about women’s empowerment and girl power, and I’m very into that.”

She added a “that’s hot,” texted Nicole Richie on her Sidekick to meet her later for an afternoon of lunch at the Ivy and shopping at Kitson, and the interview was over. Oh, wait. Now I’m stuck in 2007. It’s only natural that Paris would base her feminism around Ginger Spice rather than Gloria Steinem, which makes the rest of the bonkers interview suddenly make sense.

Since anyone can be White House Communications Director these days, Paris must be teeing up for the gig, because why else would she kiss ass this hard? The warm days in Ibiza are waning, after all! HuffPo says the reporter asked her about her family friend, President Jabba The Trump Donald Trump. As we all know by now Donny has been on Howard Stern’s radio show and basically blabbed to the point where any normal politician not named Teflon Don would have faced political ruin. He told Howard he had found 12-year-old Paris very attractive. Of course, he also has said his pick-up measure on women was to “grab ‘em by the pussy,” and has been accused of sexual assault by over 15 women. Paris was having none of it:

“[Trump is] not like that at all, he’s always been so respectful.”

Yes! Grabbing them by the pussy is way more respectful! I see what you mean, Paris! As someone who got fame the old-fashioned way, a sex tape, she’s not here for these hussies trying to make a quick buck off what she sees as false allegations against her dear friend:

“I think that they are just trying to get attention and fame. I feel like, a lot of people, when something happens all these opportunists will come out. They want to get money or get paid to not say anything or get a settlement when nothing really happened.”

You hear that, world? If you want to be the apple of Paris’s eye, you better be prepared to put out on a VHS-quality camera. She’s not here for your belly-aching assault charges! You’re just trying to sidestep the foundation steps she laid for fame! Plus, she knows you really just find Cheeto charming:

“So I don’t believe any of that. And I’m sure they were trying to be with him too. Because a lot of women, I’ve seen, like him because he’s wealthy and he’s charming and good-looking so I feel like a lot of these girls just made the story up. I didn’t really pay attention to it. I heard a couple things about it. I don’t believe it.”

Barf, barf, barf! For someone who is all about “girl power,” she doesn’t exactly ooze sisterhood. Of course, she howled like a screech owl when Brandon Davis called Lindsay Lohan fire crotch” and has never been one to support her lady friends once it appears they’re about to rise above the life of club appearances and build a reputable career. Just kidding, she stopped supporting Kim Kardashian because Kimmy’s sex tape landed her higher club appearance fees. No word yet on what Paris thinks of her presidential pal’s thoughts on the white supremacy rally last weekend, but I’m sure it’s something along the lines of, “I mean, white’s just so hot, and such a peaceful color. Like, it’s so not about violence. I don’t believe it.”

Pic: Wenn.com

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Donald Trump Flips Out, Starts Blaming ‘Alt-Left’ For Charlottesville

Remember yesterday, when Trump kind of sort of took back that thing he said on Saturday about «many sides»? Yeah, well, in a Q&A with the press today, he took it all back. He more than took it all back. He basically defended the Nazis and placed equal blame on the «alt-left.»

It was ugly. I don’t even know how to process it yet. Here’s some awful things he said.

Here’s some reaction from around Twitter:

On Bannon:

He actually had prepared remarks:

Politicians reacting:

Oh, and this. Dear God:

Fuck off, Ivanka:

I hope you’re right, Professor Tribe:


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