Casey Affleck Says Ben Affleck Won’t Be Playing Batman In A Solo Flick

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Problematic Oscar-winner Casey Affleck claims that his big brother, Maine liquor store connoisseur Ben Affleck, will not be playing a probably hungover-looking Batman in a planned DC Comics Universe solo movie. He said this during a radio appearance yesterday, here in Affleck Land – Boston! I’m not sure why Casey didn’t let me know he was in town. He IS my enemy of old and we’re due for a rematch. I’ll explain in the last paragraph.

The Hollywood Reporter reported on Casey’s appearance on WEEI’s Dale & Holley With Keefe radio show. (WEEI is the big sports radio station here in the Hub. I’ve never heard the show because I was in Drama Festival in high school, but I find “Keefe” intriguing. It’s not his show, but he’s important enough to get a “with…” How have I not heard about this Bostonian celebrity? Unless it’s “Keefe” Richards? Stranger things have happened, like the President of the United States finding white supremacists to be “very fine” people and… nevermind, that’s the strangest.)

The hosts asked Lil’ Affleck about big bro’s role as a somehow pissed-off yet completely lackadaisical Batman. Casey responded by confirming the rumor that Ben’s not about to squeeze those chest bigguns into the suit again. Casey said:

“I thought he was an OK Batman. No, he was great. He was great. He’s a hero, so he had something to channel and work with there. But he’s not going to do that movie [The Batman], I don’t think. Sorry to say.”

Oh, oh. There’s a Batman-led Justice League flick coming out on Nov. 17, and that’s supposed to be followed by a solo The Batman adventure. One that they’ve being going on, and on, and on about. Are you sure about that, you gossipy lil’ alleged sexual assailant? Realizing he probably just spilled some tea that should have remained in the Batman collectible teacup (you know that there’s one of those somewhere), he reversed himself.

When the interviewers reacted with shock, Affleck attempted to walk the statement back.

“Is that breaking news? Because I was just kind of making that up, I don’t know.”

So Casey Affleck isn’t great at the art of lying, despite that Oscar on what I assume is his grimy eco-hut’s vegan tofu mantle. Warner Bros. has refused comment. This revelation follows Ben’s supposed directing spot AND his script being thrown out. So things are looking dire for those of you who wanted Ben in a completely unnecessary solo Batman film.

Speaking of Drama Festival, my high school team competed against Casey’s team back when we were kids. Our play was about serious stuff like teen pregnancy, abortion, and child abuse. (It was obviously a comedy.) I played a doctor with only one line – “maybe we can save the baby.” That was it, but I gave it my all! HIS play was about a magic pasta pot. The Cambridge Rindge and Latin School won. A friggin’ magic pasta pot beat out abortion! Those judges were obviously related to the Affleck and Damon families. No one would investigate my accusations of cheating, because they were too busy scoffing at my one line. Casey Affleck (and his magic pasta pot) are my sworn enemies because of that!

Pic: Wenn.com

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We Would «Scream» If This Actress Ends Up Playing Jughead’s Mom on Riverdale

Image Source: The CW

Riverdale is full of mystery and darkness, and it’s only going to get more intense next season. While there are bound to be plenty of surprises in store as several fresh faces come to town, there are two characters in particular who we are all dying to meet: Jughead’s mom (whose name is Gladys in the comic books) and his sister, Jellybean. During Comic-Con, showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa teased that we could meet the mother-daughter duo during the second half of the season. Of course, they’re taking their sweet time with casting to make sure they find the perfect fit.

While we’re not sure how many young actresses could pull off a 10-year-old who listens to Pink Floyd on vinyl, fans already have the perfect choice for Jughead’s mom: Neve Campbell. Not only does she have the Jones family’s jet-black hair, but it would also make for one epic Scream reunion with Skeet Ulrich (FP Jones). During the first movie in the horror franchise, the two played star-crossed love interests, which the series has paralleled multiple times with Jughead and Betty’s relationship. Like father like son, I guess. And seeing that most of the Riverdale parents are iconic ’90s stars — Luke Perry (Fred Andrews) was on Beverly Hills, 90210 and Mädchen Amick (Alice Cooper) was on Twin Peaks — it only seems fitting that Jughead’s mom would follow suit.

Image Source: Dimension Films
Seriously, can you imagine how much chemistry these two would have playing Mr. and Mrs. Jones?

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Open Post: Hosted By The Aussie Pup Playing Dead For More Playtime

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We had to learn “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” back in middle school typing class, but Australia is about to teach its typers-to-be “The lazy dog is just frontin’ cuz his owner is trying to cut playtime short!” 9 News down in Aussie-land caught a dog playing dead for a minute because its owner was trying to leave the park, and Fido wasn’t quite done. Lying there like a corpse can get you anything you desire! (“Don’t I know!” –Melania Trump)

The owner tries to extend its paw to get it to move, but that pooch is showing about as much life as an Olsen twin at Fashion Week. It isn’t until when the owner derobes the canine (aka takes off its collar) that it rises from the dead and prances out like an emancipated Duggar offspring to the cheers and cries of other parkgoers. That pup better realize how lucky he is to have such a nice parent! Back in my day, Mama C.J. would play the “1…2…2 ½ …” game when I would demand five more minutes in the ball pit at McDonalds. If she ever got to 2 ¾ , I knew there was going to be a McHell to pay!

Pic: 9News

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The Guy Playing Jafar in Disney’s Aladdin Reboot Is Hotter Than the Desert of Agrabah

The cast of Disney’s Aladdin reboot is coming together quite nicely — and includes some very attractive men. From Will Smith as Genie to Aladdin himself, newcomer Mena Massoud, we’re really liking where this is going in terms of eye candy — and on Friday, it was announced that Dutch-Tunisian actor Marwan Kenzari would be playing the role of Jafar. Even though the character is a total d*ck, we’d be lying if we said we didn’t appreciate a sexy villain. The 34-year-old has starred in The Promise and The Mummy and is expected to skyrocket to fame thanks to his upcoming role in the mystery film Murder on the Orient Express. In the meantime, let’s appreciate his very, very good looks.

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Get a First Look at the Actresses Playing Anna and Elsa in Broadway’s Frozen Musical

We’ve known Frozen was being adapted as a Broadway musical for a while now, but we finally got our first look at the highly anticipated production on Monday. The musical won’t hit NYC’s St. James Theatre until next Spring, so in the meantime, the cast and crew are testing the waters at the Buell Theatre in the Denver Center for the Performing Arts for the next seven weeks. Patti Murin, who’s appeared in Broadway’s Xanadu and Nerds, will play Anna, while Wicked alum Caissie Levy takes on the role of ice queen Elsa. They’ll have plenty more songs to sing than the ones in the movie, too, since songwriters Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez have written a bunch of new music for the Broadway adaptation (get ready for more Olaf, you guys).

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Will Smith Is Playing The Genie In The Live-Action “Aladdin”

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So, will Aladdin have to rub a closet door in order to summon him?

Live-action remakes of beloved animated films make bank, so pretty much all of Disney’s properties are being redone with humans. A Guy Ritchie-directed, live-action adaption of Aladdin is coming at you across the desert sands. The magic carpet (and Jasmine’s harem pants) will probably be CGI, but everyone else will have a pulse! Two relative unknowns (who will get paid dick because they’re newbies) have been cast as star-crossed lovers Aladdin and Jasmine. They obviously cast two nobodies who they don’t have to pay that much, so they can cover The Fresh Prince’s assuredly exorbitant salary. Will Smith has definitively signed on to play the Genie. Someone in Movie Star Heaven give Robin Williams a hug. I’m looking at you, Princess Leia.

The Hollywood Reporter sez that Will is the only name-brand cast so far. Established types like Dev Patel and Riz Ahmed were considered to play the Aladdin character. But after auditioning over 2000 actors on multiple continents, they went with Mena Massoud. (Who? Exactly.) Jasmine will be played by actress Naomi Scott. The most impressive credit on her IMDB page is having starred in the Power Rangers movie. Honestly, Will is probably making $ 50 million, so these two are going to get paid in Wendy’s gift certificates and a free copy of the Blu-Ray when it comes out.

The big announcement was made at the D23 Expo, which is Disney’s big preview weekend where they show off all of the blockbusters that they’re working on. Aladdin is set to start filming in August in London. The vitally important roles of the villain Jafar and his squawking parrot sidekick Iago (voiced in the animated version by abrasive comedian Gilbert Gottfried) have yet to be cast. Why not him, again? Poor Gilbert Gottfried. At least Robin’s excuse for not being cast is that he’s not with us on earth anymore.

Pic: WENN

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Prince William Doesn’t Let His Khaki Pants Stop Him From Playing Soccer With Kids

Prince William has been having a great Summer so far. After bonding with WWII veterans earlier this week, the famous royal took to the field on Thursday to play soccer with England’s women’s national football team, the Lionesses, and a group of young girls from the Wildcats Girl’s Football program in London. While his khaki slacks, button-down shirt, and blue blazer weren’t exactly athletic attire, that didn’t stop him from getting into the game as he blocked the ball at the net. Plus, he looked ridiculously adorable as he celebrated scoring a goal. What can we say? Prince William is definitely a sporty spice.

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Watch Out, Justin — Jessica Biel Says Playing a Murderous Wife Is «Like a Drug»

Jessica Biel is well-known for her cookie-cutter role on 7th Heaven back in the ’90s and early 2000s, but now she’s breaking new ground as a murderous, middle-class mother on USA’s The Sinner. In a promotion for her eight-episode thriller, the actress graces the cover of Marie Claire‘s August issue. Aside from giving us a sneak peek at her dark side — something she says is «like a drug or an adrenaline rush» — she also opens up about her personal life with husband Justin Timberlake and how becoming a mom to their 2-year-old son Silas has made her even more selfless than before. See her best quotes ahead.

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Robert Downey Jr. Wants To Stop Playing Iron Man Before It Gets “Embarrassing”

Paris Premiere Of Iron Man 3

Robert Downey Jr. has been playing Tony Stark/Iron Man since 2008, and has played him in eight movies including Spider-Man: Homecoming. He’ll also appear in two more Avengers movies. I’m sure some people can’t hear the word iron without picturing his face. But it might not always be like that.

While speaking to News.com.au about Spider-Man: Homecoming, He admitted that he loves the character and he’s only showing up if the situation surrounding it looks good.

“It’s this cyclical thing. I could have said when the first Avengers came out: ‘It’s never going to get any better than that. Everybody stop.’ But to me it’s always about people and opportunities, like the (Avengers directors Anthony and Joe) Russos, who I adore.”

But he doesn’t want to wear out his welcome. There’s only so much arrogant Tony Stark one-liners the Marvel Universe needs.

“Everyone says to me it’s like a glove that fits so well. I have to start over every time, but I am starting over with a pretty solid base. I just never want to blow it for the last six or seven (Marvel movies) I have done by dropping the ball because I decided to go do it one more time. I just want to hang up my jersey before it’s embarrassing.”

There are some online rumors that Tony Stark/Iron Man will tap out in a future Avengers movie. And let’s face it, it’s not like RDJ needs the money that would come from a dozen more Iron Man appearances. Maybe he can take a break for a couple years, and come back to do elderly Iron Man? I think I speak for all of us when I say I’m curious to see how the iron suit might react with a steel hip replacement.

Pic: Wenn.com

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‘Playing House’ Is The Most Functional Show On TV

Spoilers for seasons one and two. But seriously, you should be caught up by now. It’s been two years.

When future generations of TV viewers look back at our time, there’s a very good chance that they’ll think of Playing House the way we think of Leave It To Beaver. And that’s a very good thing. But that’s all a lot to unpack. Let’s start small.

Playing House is the most functional show on TV (nice, Em. Way to start small). By «functional» I specifically mean Emma and Maggie have an exemplary relationship built on honest and open communication, and a willingness to let the other see them at their most vulnerable. Basically #squadgoals. They are the best. After I plowed through the entire third season this weekend (all of season three is available OnDemand or through USA’s website. Get on it), I started a rewatch of seasons one and two. Everything I remembered about the show being great was still there, but what I’d forgotten was that Emma and Maggie are really good at fighting with each other. They do this totally bizarre thing where when one is upset with the other, they tell them that they are upset and why. And then, get this, they talk to each other about the problem, and try to resolve the issue without hurting the other’s feelings. It’s completely foreign to to me.

And it’s what makes the show able to tackle darker content without becoming dark itself. I’m not averse to a dark show. But as we here at Pajiba are fond of pointing out, darkness does not equal depth. Conversely, lightness does not equal insubstantial. The fact that the show doesn’t center on an anti-hero isn’t a fault. Prestige TV should not mean specifically that a show makes you feel icky for watching the irrevocable slide into soul crushing dysfunction and depravity. Playing House has depth, it has substance, and it has meaningful plots. But it also feels good to watch. It feels, and I can’t believe I’m using this a compliment, nice. The fact that you know everything will be neatly resolved at the end of the episode isn’t a function of a manufactured story-line, but because the show is about the process of interpersonal issues.

Now, yes, there is an extent to which the show whitewashes (literally in some cases, the show is set in Connecticut after all) some of the more difficult emotions that would accompany a lot of the stories. It’s be hard to imagine Bruce and Maggie would transition from couple to friends as easily as they did. Or that Emma and her mother would be able to resolve their years long estrangement without some level of hard feelings. Because, by and large, family members aren’t estranged without some level of dysfunction. In those ways, it’s an idealized version of problems that normal families face. Hence the comparison to Leave It To Beaver. And I’m OK with that. What you’re talking about then is a show that’s funny and entertaining while being emotionally heavy yet somehow still optimistic. They’re basically telling us, «Yeah, you’ll have some pretty serious problems. Here’s how you can work through them,» and they do so while throwing Bosephus. They’re throwing some much needed light into an entirely too dark world. Bless them for that.

Emily Chambers will be spending her long holiday emulating Emma by drinking white wine. She might tweet about it. You can follow her here.

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