If you’ve been following the making of Ryan Murphy’s latest bewigged dramatic extravaganza, The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, then you’ve probably already seen Darren Criss (Andrew Cunan), Edgar Ramirez (Gianni Versace), Penelope Cruz (Donatella Versace) and Ricky Martin (Gianni’s partner Antonio D’Amico) in character. But Entertainment Weekly got the first official picture of all of them together. That cover is a tacky, opulent 90s fever dream of Day-Glo messiness, and yes I’m going to force my family to recreate it for our 2017 Christmas card, and we don’t even do family Christmas cards! And yes, hair will be pulled and faces will be scratched as we fight over who gets to be the “Donatella.”
ACS’ Versace season, which doesn’t start airing on FX until early next year, is based on the book Vulgar Favors by Maureen Orth. I read Vulgar Favors and Maureen barely writes about Donatella, so I’m not totally sure why she’s a huge character in ACS, but I’m not going to complain. I really want to start off 2018 but taking in the sight and sounds of Penelope Cruz throwing a glass of champagne at a minion while cursing at them in Italian with a Spanish accent. I still don’t even care that the popped pimple on my right nip looks more like Donatella than Penelope does. She looks more like a pissed off and miniaturized Holly Madison.
And well, even if the second season of ACS turns out to be a mess, at least there will be a scene where a Versayce speedo-wearing Ricky Martin rubs his nipples all over Edgar Ramirez. I hope there is. Ryan Murphy, don’t let me (or my loins) down!
In London right now, it’s apparently hotter and wetter than a b-hole exposed to shirtless pictures of Prince Hot Ginge. So a waterfall of sweat may be pouring out of your armpits just from looking at Prince William and Duchess Kate in stuffy clothes at Royal Ascot today, but fear not. I’m sure they wore frozen bloomers and nipple pasties, and mini air conditioning units were hiding under their hats. And if one droplet of sweat formed on their royal foreheads, the race would’ve been put on hold, and as the horses and jockeys slowly died of heatstroke while waiting on the track, Prince William and Duchess Kate would’ve cooled off in an air conditioned tent. So don’t sweat for them!
Today was day two of the Royal Ascot horse races and it brought out THE QUEEN and the royals who don’t really matter (read: the royals not named Prince Hot Ginge). Prince William and Duchess Kate wore stunning ensembles borrowed from a low-budget community theater production of My Fair Lady, and I’d like to think that at one point, DK screamed, “Move your bloomin’ arse,” at the horse she bet on.
Whenever I think of Royal Ascot, I think of Ladies Day (aka Refined Blossoms Day), so I was hoping to see pictures of a drunken Duchess Kate humping a trash can as a drunken THE QUEEN spanked her with a pocketbook. The closest I got to that was Duchess Kate nearly grabbing the Countess of Wessex’s chichis to stop her from falling.
Around this time last year, the completely natural and real couple of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddlestonspread their organic love throughout Europe while keeping the paps working overtime. This year, it was the completely natural and real couple of JLo and A-Rod’s turn to graciously help out the paparazzi industry by leading them through France.
J-Rod started off their trip to France on a yacht in Nice (because what’s the point of doing a photo-op couples tour if you’re not going to give the paps at least one swimsuit shot) and they ended in Paris where they decided to really spice up a photo-op by bringing in props! J-Rod’s couples photo-op choreographer gave them matching ice cream cone props J-Rod spontaneously bought ice cream cones and worked it for the paps while looking so in love. That picture above clearly shows who’s the pro and who’s the amateur. JLo is striking a perfect JCPenney catalog pose for the paps and knows not to completely eat the prop, while amateur ass A-Rod is eating the prop!
Every pro pap poser knows that you’re not supposed to completely devour the ice cream prop. A half-eaten ice cream cone looks ugly in pictures! You’re supposed to sensually lick it like it’s your lover’s down-low part. But in A-Rod’s defense, JLo eventually went in on her ice cream cone too (see: first picture in the gallery below). If the old rumor about steroid use is actually true, then JLo probably just wanted a mouthful of something for a change.
Go back and look at this headline I wrote five days ago. “Looks Like It’s Going To Take -16 to -18 To Win The U.S. Open.” Did you notice what Brooks Koepka shot to win the trophy? Yeah, -16. It didn’t end up being a challenge. The tall fescue didn’t come into play like USGA officials would’ve liked. We want to see these guys crumble by No. 9 and struggle to survive by No. 18. It didn’t happen and we’re left with a leaderboard battling it out like it’s some random PGA event in Kansas during the middle of July where Jim Nantz is making me sleepy after a long day in the pool.
You know what the biggest news of the weekend had to be? Holly Sonders appears to be divorced/separated/single again.
Numbers from :
7 players finished 10-under par or better. Before this week, that would’ve won every single U.S. Open other than 2.
Happy Father’s Day, fathers, who are also Dlisted readers! We know you work hard to make sure your children don’t grow up to be assholes all year round, so this day is for you! (And if you’re not doing that, please start. Because if one more person talks in a movie behind me…)
The Late Show’sStephen Colbert and Milo Ventimiglia got together to film this tribute to hot TV dads like Milo. Stephen did to Milo Ventilator what should always be done to Milo Ventilator – tore his clothes off. Ok, just his sleeves. Perhaps he’s waiting for a future holiday to get at his pants. My mom’s birthday is coming up, will that do?
To be honest, I thought this weekend would be all about Allison Stokke and Rickie Fowler after their epic first round (and it still could be if he pulls out the W), but from what I’ve been seen, Holly’s been carrying the tourney. Throw the former Michigan State golfer’s name into the Twitter search engine, and this is what you get:
Father’s Day means a lot of things for a lot of different people. Maybe you were lucky enough to score a great dad, the kind that made you pancakes on weekends, coached your soccer team and sang off-key to Bob Seger on long car trips—but always, unmistakably loved you.
One Direction’s Liam Payne is considered sessy to a whole bunch of the group’s fans. Like any pop star, there’s all sorts of filthy fantasies written about him on Tumblr, Twitter, that secret Facebook group you’re in, etc.
Liam was nice enough to sit down for BBC Radio 1’s “Perv Pad” to read aloud what horny people are writing about him online. I was all set for fisting fantasies, but they were remarkably tame. Is there a red-band version of this? Also, that hoodie isn’t really erotic. Can’t he do this topless? This is a big fail, “Perv Pad!” “Only you can dance on me?” Amateurs.
Remember the lady who won $ 43 million on a slot machine, but was only given a free steak dinner instead? She’s suing now.
Surely, you remember this from back in November. A woman played a slot machine in Vegas and hit a jackpot of 43 mil, then when she tried to cash out, the casino said ‘nah’, and instead gave her a free steak dinner and $ 2.25. Well, now’s she lawyered up and suing those sons of bitches. From CNN Money:Bookman’s attorney Alan Ripka says he has been fighting for months to get the casino to pony up more cash for Bookman, but to no avail. So, on June 14, he filed a lawsuit. The complaint alleges that Resorts World Casino was “negligent” and did not adequately maintain their lottery equipment. It also posits that Bookman suffered “mental anguish” as a result of the incident and she sustained a “significant” monetary setback because she “lost the chance and/or opportunity to win” on the machine. Ripkin says he plans to seek at least $ 43 million in damages. Get that money! It’s not your fault the casino royally F’d up. She won’t see 43 million, but I’m sure we’ll get some kind of settlement here.
There are 18 players currently at 4-under or better through 36 holes at the U.S Open.
In case you haven’t already seen the video of a true inspiration headbanging in his car like no one’s watching, here’s the video of a true inspiration headbanging in his car like no one’s watching.
If I was driving along and saw a pepaw thrashing around in his car, I’d pick up my phone too, but not to record him. I’d pick it up to call 911 because I would think he was having a medical emergency. But thankfully, dude was just turning a boring thing called “driving” into a party by rocking out to Metallica with his window down. He’s more badass than me in a million ways (although, a Skipper doll is more badass than me), but I’m really impressed at how he’s freely banging his head around like he’s not worried about getting hit with a serious case of sore neck the next day. When I turn my head too fast, I start reaching for a neck brace. I bet dude’s got the makers of Icy Hot real, real nervous about their future.
Some old dudes use their fists to angrily bitch out the annoying brats who are playing on their lawn, but this old dude uses his fist to rock out to For Whom The Bell Tolls. I’m surprised his car isn’t covered with granny panties thrown at him by memaws who have witnessed his badassery.