Finally, Good News: Bonnie Tyler Will Perform «Total Eclipse of the Heart» During the Total Eclipse

In «This Makes Total Sense» news, singer Bonnie Tyler will be performing her iconic 1983 hit «Total Eclipse of the Heart» during the total eclipse on Aug. 21. Tyler will be belting out the song as a duet with Joe Jonas‘s band DNCE while on board Royal Caribbean’s Total Eclipse Cruise «Oasis of the Seas» and is scheduled to hit the stage about an hour before the solar eclipse occurs — marking the first time such an event will occur in the US since 1991. You still have time to get tickets for the cruise, but here are more amazing places to watch the solar eclipse!

Here is the equally iconic video for the song — please enjoy.

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How Cersei’s «Good» News May Finally Turn Her Into the Mad Queen

Sometimes you can see a Game of Thrones twist coming years before it actually happens. Come on . . . was anyone really surprised when Jon Snow’s parents were revealed in season six? Cersei’s pregnancy is not one of those twists. In Sunday night’s episode, «Eastwatch,» Qyburn confirms Cersei is pregnant and tactfully offers her something to deal with the issue, but she declines. Does that mean Cersei is really expecting again? Almost certainly, but it may not be good news for the queen.

There is a palpable shift in Cersei’s attitude in this episode. She actually allows her little brother Tyrion into the castle to meet with Jaime, and she is entertaining the thought of speaking with Daenerys. Suddenly, Cersei sees a future for herself and Jaime that is a happy one. The joy on her face when she tells Jaime the world will know he’s the father of her child is real. After losing her three children, the Lannister Queen now has a reason to hope for a new beginning, but allowing herself to hope could be her downfall.

Maggy’s prophecy still looms over Cersei’s story. The wood witch from season five promises a young Cersei that she will have three children and «gold shall be their crowns and gold their shrouds.» The deaths of Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen all come to pass just as Maggy predicts. There’s no mention of a fourth child, which suggests Cersei will not carry this baby to term. That begs the question: why bother making Cersei pregnant at all? And the answer is simple enough: to finally push her fully over the edge.

Ever since she blew up the Great Sept of Baelor, fans have been predicting that Cersei would become the Mad Queen. So far, she’s been stable enough. She certainly wants to destroy Daenerys’s army, and her goal of uniting the realm to make sure the Dragon Queen doesn’t take her position of power remains her focus. All of her interactions with Jaime suggest she wants to build a world where no one can tell them what they can and cannot do anymore. They are lions, after all, and she’s heeding her father’s advice about not worrying about the opinions of the sheep. As ruler of the Seven Kingdoms, she is finally in a position in which she doesn’t have to answer to anyone, and that’s all Cersei has ever wanted.

Now that she has a new baby on the way, Cersei has even more of a reason to seek peace with Daenerys. In her mind, she can finally have a happy ending, but if that beautiful image in her head is destroyed, so will be the last vestiges of her humanity. Right now, Jaime and the baby are keeping her grounded. But if Jon succeeds in bringing a White Walker to King’s Landing, then Jaime may be inclined to join the fight to stop the fall of Westeros. Cersei doesn’t warn her brother never to betray her again for no reason. One way or another, Cersei seems destined to lose Jaime, and this reality compounded with a miscarriage could push her over the edge.

Her children are everything to her, and she has yet to truly grieve over Tommen. Losing a fourth child could be her undoing and lead to the birth of the true Mad Queen. If Cersei’s hope for the future is crushed, then she will be more than happy to watch the world burn around her. In fact, she may once again light the match.

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In «This Doesn’t Look Good» News, FKA Twigs Appears to Be Getting Cozy With a Male Model

Are Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs on the rocks? The 29-year-old singer was spotted spending time with French model Brieuc Breitenstein while vacationing in Ibiza, Spain, on Friday. The two were photographed getting kind of close while taking in the scenery (Brieuc appeared to be nuzzling into her hair), and later that evening, they were seen walking side by side in matching all-white outfits. Meanwhile, Rob added to the split rumors when he was snapped having dinner with close friend Katy Perry in LA earlier in the week; the actor has been busy promoting his new film Good Time on both coasts.

Twigs’s outing comes just weeks after Robert was asked about his relationship status in an interview with Howard Stern, to which he replied that he and Twigs were «kind of» engaged. The couple first got together back in August 2014, and engagement rumors were sparked in April 2015. The two have said a lot of sweet things about each other over the years but have managed to keep their romance pretty low-key (especially compared to Rob’s last relationship with Twilight costar Kristen Stewart).

One of the last times we saw Rob and Twigs out and about together was back in May, when they took a PDA-filled stroll through LA around Rob’s 31st birthday. We don’t know whether Twigs and Brieuc are just friends or if her relationship with Rob is on the rocks, but we’ll let you decide for yourselves.

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E! News Also Claims That Brangelina’s Divorce Has Been Put On Hold

'The Normal Heart' New York Screening

Earlier this week we learned that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, two people who, by all accounts, seem like they’d really like to be legally done with their marriage, were allegedly dragging their feet on their divorce. E! News is now co-signing that rumor and say that Brad and Angelina have hit the snooze button on divorce proceedings.

A source explains that there are a few things that made Brad and Angelina reconsider their divorce. Like Angelina moving into a new house with their six kids, and Brad getting sober.

“It’s true that the divorce is not moving forward right now. They are taking a breather and seeing what happens.”

“They don’t take divorce lightly and want to make sure they are doing the right thing. A lot has changed since Angelina filed,” the source notes, adding that Pitt’s sobriety has “really changed” their relationship. A separate insider adds, “Brad has been working on self-improvement.”

That doesn’t mean you should expect to see Brad and Angelina beaming from ear to eat on the cover of People behind a headline that reads: BRANGELIN-LOVE AGAIN! A source tells E! News that their future is “up in the air.” A different source tells Entertainment Tonight that as right now, they’re not getting back together and divorce “always takes a long time, and right now their main focus is on their family and the kids.”

How cryptic. And is that a subtle hint? Up in the Air, like the movie with Brad’s Hollywood BFF George Clooney? Is that source trying to say that not only are Brad and Angelina getting back together, but they’re thinking about moving into some kind of multi-family, eight-child compound with George and Amal Clooney and their kids? I mean, if we’re entertaining the craziness that is the implication that Brad and Angelina are thinking of calling off their divorce, we might as well go full fanfic with this story.



Yes, This is Exactly What Summer Was Missing, News Delivered Exceedingly Smugly

Project Runway: The Road to the Runway Season 16 on Lifetime at 8:00pm ET. Special presentation.

First in Human on Discovery at 9:00pm ET. Series premiere. This is a three-part documentary series set in the NIH Clinical Center where they perform clinical trials with experimental medicine. I’ve been a normal control subject at NIH a few times in my life. Never for a drug trial, but for several studies involving hormone levels, one about a specific neurotransmitter in the brain and how it functioned differently for people with ADD or ADHD, and once for a study about anxiety and stress disorders. I regret missing out on exactly one study, which was done the year I was fully employed for the first time. There was a clinical trial where they kept people on-site for, like, 10 days and ON PURPOSE gave them the flu to study how their bodies handled it. I know from personal experience that I handle the flu like a champ (I mostly just sleep for 36 hours while running an alarmingly high fever and then wake up feeling better and really hungry) and the payout on that was pretty sweet. Anyway, this documentary is focusing on the sick people, not the weirdos playing guinea pig for cash, so it will probably be more emotionally affecting and less «one time they shocked my brain and I lost control of my hand! And this other time I had to spit in a tube and take emotional assessments a lot.»

Nashville on CMT at 9:00pm ET.

Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Summer Edition on NBC at 9:00pm ET. Special presentation. Man, first the NFL, now we have to start telling Saturday Night Live when the weekend is? I would think it’d be really easy when the name of the day is in the title of the show, but Sunday Night Football continues to prove me wrong, so I guess it’s not that much of a surprise.

Play the Ukulele With the Atomic Sharks on PBS at 10:00pm ET. You know what? I’m not going to do any research on that. Whatever you think this is, just allow yourself to keep thinking that and let it bring you joy.


In Big Time Blockbuster News, David Letterman is Returning to Television

David Letterman, icon and personal hero (despite his many shortcomings), is coming out of retirement next year with a new talk show, which will air on Netflix (where else?). It’s not a full-fledged return to a daily talk show, however. It’s a six-episode series in which he will spend one hour «conducting longform conversations» with a single guest. The guests have not been revealed, nor have the topics of conversation.

My dream guest list? Ideally, he’d bring back one of his biggest punching bags in Bill O’Reilly and mock/grill/humiliate him about his sex scandal; maybe spend an hour with Jay Leno talking about old times and their feud (my God, that would be amazing television); another hour with Jon Stewart discussing their retirement; an hour with Oprah Winfrey so that they can catch up; an hour with Hillary Clinton getting the inside scoop on the campaign and her interactions with Donald Trump (and that debate!); and an hour with President Obama, coaxing him into revealing his thoughts on what Trump has done to his legacy.

«I feel excited and lucky to be working on this project for Netflix. Here’s what I have learned, if you retire to spend more time with your family, check with your family first. Thanks for watching, drive safely,» Letterman said in a statement.

The series, which will be pre-recorded, is expected to debut in 2018. No word on whether or not he will still be sporting the beard.


Fox News’ Eric Bolling Has Been Suspended For Sexual Harassment


Does your CV have to include “extensive experience in being creepy towards women” somewhere to work there? Fox News host Eric Bolling is the latest employee of the network to be suspended pending an internal investigation into accusations of sexual harassment. Eric is allegedly the selfless type of man who will send a gal a dick pic without being asked.

The Huffington Post (via NBC) reported yesterday that Trump-happy Eric, the co-host of Fox News’ The Specialists, allegedly sent “an unsolicited photo of male genitalia” to at least three colleagues. Two of these alleged victims reportedly work at Fox News, and the other is said to work at Fox Business. The texts were supposedly sent several years ago. I assume this was back when former corpulent sexual predator and current dead guy Roger Ailes was running the show and the place was (is?) run like a game preserve full of women for these slobs to hunt in.

The Paul Weiss law firm, which investigated disgraced former Fox News loudmouth Bill Reilly for the same reason as Eric, is running the show. Apparently, there is a whole slew of people that claim Eric is a freak. And not the good kind. (The good kind of freak thinks consent is sexy and uses the padded leather cuffs instead of the metal ones. How dare you judge me!)

HuffPost’s report cited 14 sources. The publication did not reveal the sources’ names, but said they are current and former Fox colleagues of Bolling’s who recognized the phone number to be his based on previous work-related and informal communications.

Four sources claim to have seen the alleged unfortunate photos, and eight others were clued in by the alleged recipients who expressed that they were “upset and offended by it.” One of the alleged recipients claims to have texted Eric back and told him to cut the shit and never send her anything like that again. He didn’t respond. He probably figured he’d lay low and pretend it never happened until the US elected a pussy-grabbing president who’d make that sort of behavior legal.

Eric’s legal rep, Micheal J. Bowe, is doing his job and says that Eric didn’t do it.

“The anonymous, uncorroborated claims are untrue and terribly unfair. We intend to fully cooperate with the investigation so that it can be concluded and Eric can return to work as quickly as possible.”

It takes a special kind of fool to just bomb you with a dick pic. Even people who like dick would prefer to request it first. You’re going through your texts and “oh, this number seems sort of familiar” and bam – PENIS! What if you’re on the subway? What if you were just looking at pics from your great-grandmother’s birthday party? “Oh, here’s Great-Gramma Joyce with the hat we bought her and WHOA AND THAT’S A DICK.” Now you’re going to equate Great-Gramma Joyce’s 86th birthday party with that inappropriate asshole at work for the rest of your life.

Pic: Instagram


And In “Entitled Asshole Couple Getting Slapped In The Face By Karma” News…


The following story is delicious. Like scallop-wrapped-in-bacon delicious. LIKE RING-DINGS DELICIOUS. A Dallas couple got pissed off by a $ 125 fee that their wedding photographer charged them. Sane people would have left a less-than-perfect review somewhere to express their displeasure. We’re not dealing with sane people.

Entitled asshole couple Neely and Andrew Moldovan (even their name sounds evil) set out to systematically destroy photographer Andrea Polito’s business, as one does if you’re psycho killers qu’est-ce que c’est! And they were successful. But, as People reports, she fought back with a defamation suit. And on July 28, a Dallas judge ordered the Moldovans to cut her a check for one million dollars! That $ 125 doesn’t seem too pricey now!

It all started in January of 2015. The Moldovans reportedly wanted their wedding pics before the ETA Andrea gave them. They also balked at the $ 125 fee she charged them for the leather cover of their wedding album (it was custom made in Italy). Ultimately, Andrea said she would waive the fee. But it was too late. The Moldovans were off and running. And by “running,” I mean they ran their entitled asses to the nearest tv news station. They claimed in an interview that Andrea was holding their wedding photos hostage.

You would think a tv news appearance would satiate the Moldovans’ thirst for wedding photo vengeance. Not when the cheese has slid off your collective cracker! The evil Count and Countess (it just sounds right) Moldovan went IN on Andrea.

This ignited a social media campaign and press tour that focused on the Moldovan’s version of the story and eventually led to the demise of Polito’s company, according to the photographer.

The couple managed to rally hundreds of their followers into leaving negative reviews and comments on popular wedding photography websites and Polito’s social pages.

Neely Moldovan is one of those deplorable Goop-lite “lifestyle bloggers” who make their living being condescending to bored Caucasian women with too much time on their hands. So she had a fanbase. A fanbase that she recruited to help her and her husband’s smear campaign against Andrea. Is this the plot of American Horror Story: Cult?

Andrea’s lawyer Dave Wishnew laid it out for us to People magazine:

“It instantly burned down the reputation that Andrea built up over 12 years. She didn’t book any more weddings after that. It was done. The negative reviews destroyed her reputation, and in a business that is largely word-of-mouth, no one was referring her.”

In addition to “evil” and “crazy,” the couple also qualifies as “shady” and “without conscience.

Wishnew argued that the Moldovans’ negative social media posts about Polito’s company were more about promoting themselves than about their photographs. “They admit in their messages and the evidence in court that they wanted it to go viral, and they wanted it to ruin Andrea’s business,” he says. “The more traffic that goes to Neely’s blog, the more they can have sponsored posts, and more sponsored posts means more money.”

Andrea says she was “humiliated” and that her “life fell apart.” Eventually, she filed a defamation of character suit. It took three years, but justice won!

The Moldovans have been left raw by karma. Neely’s blog seems to have been shut down, and she’s gone private on Twitter. They released a statement to the press after hearing the verdict.

“We are stunned. We did what consumer advocates say to do: When you are wronged, you fight back. We were unhappy with a situation, so we complained like anyone would. This court decision tells consumers not to speak up for fear of fat legal bills and painful judgments. If this is the cost of standing up for what’s right, we should have given in to start with. But we hope to prevail in the end. We’d love nothing more than to put this behind us and focus on raising our five-month-old child.”

Please note the insertion of the child for the sympathy vote. Andrea, who has since rebuilt her business, put aside her glass of Krug long enough to release her own statement, to People magazine.

“I finally feel some vindication after almost three years of a legal battle brought on by a fabricated news story and a social media attack. I hope my story provides an example for businesses and consumers of how quickly a successful business and reputation can be damaged by false information and social media bullying.”

Is this how the Moldovans react to everything? When their babysitter wants to raise her rate, will they eff with her college applications? Can you imagine what happens when one of their bags is over the weight limit at the airport, and they have to pay to check it? The reaction must activate the airline’s anti-terrorist measures. They probably take hostages. Good luck to that five-month-old. *cringe*

Pic: YouTube


Even Fox News Thinks Stephen Miller Shouldn’t Be Allowed to be On TV Anymore

This is a super French outfit and also kind of sexy schoolmarm. I like it! Keep up the good work, CELINE! — (GFY)

I was pretty excited to read that Eric Bolling — one of those hardline asshole conservatives over on Fox News — thought the White House should never put Stephen Miller «in front of cameras again,» but it turns out, he just thought he was terrible at selling what Bolling otherwise thought was a great immigration plan, and that the plan would be overshadowed by Miller’s terrible performance. (The Hill)

That said, behind the scenes, even Fox employees are embarrassed about the Seth Rich situation. A senior Fox employee told CNN:

«I think the lack of transparency is not that surprising. But it really forces the question, how much journalistic integrity does Fox News really have? Because most other news outlets, these situations come up, but they are dealt with appropriately. People are held accountable. People are fired, they are disciplined or whatever. But this is like classic Fox. No one ever gets fired from Fox for publishing a story that isn’t true.»

How many of you think that senior Fox employee is Shepard Smith? Either way, there are several other Fox employees who agree. (CNN)

But my God, people: Fox News is going all out today in trashing the poem on the Statute of Liberty. I cannot believe this is where we are now.

So much pretty in this family.

The Queen is a LUSH! Ok, that may be overstating it, but she does enjoy her adult beverages each day. — (Dlisted)

Maybe after Her Majesty gets loaded, she’ll want to go munch on some of these Lay’s Crispy Taco Potato Chips. — (IB)

Remember Heidi and Spencer? Do you know why their «careers» didn’t go anywhere? It was because of The New World Order! *nods* So, yeah, that happened. — (Celebitchy)

I got married at the end of last year and specifically DIDN’T send an invitation to the White House because I figured the traditional RSVP decline wouldn’t come until after the Obamas were gone. DAMMIT! Maybe it’s not too late? (Also, don’t read the comments. Never read the comments anywhere but here.) — (Yahoo)

I’ve never heard of Millenial Pink. Is that the new popular color? I guess I could google it, but I don’t feel like it. ANYWAY, here’s Kristen Stewart in some Millenial Pink and discussing her feelings about love and mood and her personal life. And grilled cheese. — (LG)

Love or hate Coldplay, I think this very stripped-down Chris Martin and piano-only tribute to Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington is very moving. — (MTV)

Not all retellings of Jane Austen are good. Crystalclear is an Austen fan, but found Kim Izzo’s The Jane Austen Marriage Manual so bad she skipped to the end and then watched The Emperor’s New Groove to cleanse her palate. The situations were trite, the characters were shallow, and the main character kept lying and making things worse. What do you watch to wash bad entertainment out of your brain? (Cannonball Read 9)


Today In «Yes, Please! More of That!» News

We mustn’t dwell… no, not today. We CAN’T. Not on Fun Internet News day.

That’s right, boners! Instead of rounding up more things to make you curl into yourself like a dying star, I’ve decided to regale you with the good things out there. So let us begin.

I don’t think this needs explaining.

Living the dream, dreaming of living. #thorragnarok #sdcc2017

A post shared by Mark Ruffalo (@markruffalo) on

Next up, ThinkGeek has unveiled a Star Wars clothing collection for women. There aren’t many pieces, but they teamed up with Ashley Eckstein of Her Universe.


Channing Tatum (aka Charming Potato) has teamed up with Grand Teton Distillery to make Born and Bred, an 80-proof potato vodka. Irony?

At any rate, Tatum has also been delivering the vodka to lucky people in LA who use alcohol delivery service Saucey.

Wonder Woman 2: Drink Those Man Tears Up has a release date of December 13th, 2019. That’s, like, really far away. However, it is something to look forward to and we all need more things like that. I mean, it will be set in the 1980s during the Cold War! I’m already excited thinking about just the hair!


80% of Thor: Ragnarok was improvised and the «friend from work» line was thought up by a Make A Wish child on set. It’s not surprising since director Taika Waititi’s films What We Do In the Shadows and Hunt for the Wilderpeople are improvisational as well. But this is Marvel! This is amazing that they would be cool with Waititi’s method and not attempt to crush him in some Blockbuster Superhero Director mold.

More good news for the flick is Waititi’s current runtime for the film.

Star Trek: Discovery will feature a gay couple. Maybe that’s not enough to get you happy. The couple will be played by gay actors. That is some good news, people.

Anthony Rapp (Rent, Dazed and Confused) will portray Lieutenant Stamets and Wilson Cruz (My So-Called Life) will play Dr. Hugh Culber. Staments is said to be one of the characters the series will focus upon and Culber is his partner.

Charlize Theron’s ass-kicking Atomic Blonde opens July 28th. While you wait, why not create an Atomic Blonde gif? For every gif created, the It Gets Better Project receives a $ 1 donation. Let’s flood them with dollar bills like we’re Pacman Jones.


So, what good news do you have to share with the class?


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