Rob Lowe is literally living the life while vacationing in Hawaii. The former Parks and Recreation star was spotted doing some paddleboarding in Kona on Saturday, showing off his physique in a pair of checkered swim trunks and proving that he still looks pretty damn good without a shirt on. The tropical getaway sounds like a welcome break for the 53-year-old actor, who currently stars on the CBS medical drama Code Black. He captured an Instagram photo with, «Relaxing in #hawaii before the #TheLoweFiles press tour and start of #CodeBlack season 3.» While promoting the show back in April, Rob appeared on Ellen with his two sons, Matthew and John Owen, who revealed what mortifies them the most about their «man-child» of a dad. Check out Rob’s day on the water, then look back on his hottest movie roles.
If while flipping channels you’ve come across heave-inducing shows like Donnie Loves Jenny and another Duck Dynasty spin-off, and figured that A&E has run out of ideas and given up, think again, ho. A&E has given the people what we really need and want: a reality show where Rob Lowe and his sons travel the country investigating paranormal shit and unsolved mysteries. What they should’ve investigated is why A&E gave Rob Lowe a show about paranormal shit. Now that is an unsolved mystery that needs solving.
The title for Rob’s show is The Lowe Files, which is a play on The X-Files, but unlike Mulder and Scully, he and his sons aren’t experts and don’t really know what they’re doing. Rob tells Entertainment Weekly that he and his sons have always wanted to document their search for THEE UNKNOWN, and they were going to do it themselves but decided to pitch it around. Rob describes the tone of their show as Anthony Bourdain blended up with Scooby Doo. You know, if you really did blend up Anthony Bourdain with Scooby Doo and then deep fried that shit, Guy Fieri would happily eat up every bite.
Rob and his sons investigate ghosts and stuff, but he says what really made him prolapse was his encounter with a Sasquatch. No, Rob isn’t talking about the time he was eating lunch at Health Nut in Woodland Hills and witnessed Khloe Kartrashian screaming at an employee for messing up her order. That would terrify me too. Rob says that he saw a real Bigfoot in the Ozarks.
The rest of [what we found I accepted on a] case-by-case basis, but we had an incredible encounter with what locals call the wood ape, which is in the Ozark Mountains. I’m fully aware that I sound like a crazy, Hollywood kook right now.
EW wondered if Rob was genuinely terrified, and he says he thought Bigfoot was going to murder him.
Genuinely terrified? I was lying on the ground thinking I was going to be killed.
The Lowe Files comes out in August and the Sasquatch episode is the show’s finale.
Now I’m not saying that Rob Lowe is lying and that the Sasquatch he saw was really a production assistant in an unauthorized Chewbacca costume they rented from a shop in town, but I am going to say that I have a hard time believing he saw a real Bigfoot. The only Sasquatch expert I trust is former HSOTD Tim Peeler. And if Rob saw a real Sasquatch, he wouldn’t be terrified, because he’d be too busy getting hypnotized by its bewtiful hair blowing in the night wind.
And here’s the opening of The Lowe Files, which looks like a parody that can’t be real.
If you think about it, isn’t Rob Lowe kind of like a real life ghost detective? Think harder.
On Tuesday, TMZ posted what they claimed was an online job posting for a personal assistant for Rob Lowe. The only problem is that it’s going to be pretty hard to apply for that gig, because both Rob Lowe and his team have pulled an “I don’t know her” on that ad.
According to the ad, Rob Lowe’s assistant needs to be willing to do the following things: never assume anything, make sure Rob has coffee throughout the day, schedule a haircut before every episode of his CBS show Code Black, make sure he’s got food if he comes home after 8pm, serve as his “body man“, tell Rob’s estate staff if he wants a Jacuzzi or a massage when he gets home and be able to lift up to 25 lbs. All that for $ 70,000 a year plus benefits. Is one of the benefits being able to brag that you get paid $ 70,000 a year to hook Rob Lowe up with a haircut?
TMZ asked Rob’s team if the ad is real, and they claim the requirements in the ad don’t match any employment opportunities with Rob. They did, however, confirm the coffee part by saying that “coffee is his number one priority in life.” Rob was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night and was asked about the ad. He played vague about the whole thing.
That was like watching a nervous teen deny that they tried to shoplift a bunch of CDs while getting interrogated by mall security. And for what? He says he is looking for an assistant, and that list of personal assistant demands isn’t even that bad! Rob Lowe only wants coffee and a Jacuzzi. I always assumed (uh oh, looks like I’m out of the running) that a personal assistant to a celebrity like Rob Lowe would have to take care of way weirder requests. Like hand-squeezing exactly sixteen grapefruits in his trailer just so his trailer would smell like sixteen hand-squeezed grapefruits, picking the seeds off his strawberries, or standing next to his bed every night and whispering “you are still a major hunk” to him as he slept.
Rob Lowe went on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Wednesday night to promote whatever that show he’s currently on is, and the conversation eventually turned to that very funny job listing TMZ published earlier this week. Remember? It said his assistants should “never assume anything,” have a massage or Jacuzzi ready if needed, and…
Oh, hey, a bunch of anonymous folks collected the numbers for White House staff where you can actually call and maybe leave a message with Kellyanne Conway or Jared Kushner now, since the official White House public comments line doesn’t seem to exist any longer, oddly starting this year… (Gothamist)
Azealia Banks causing draaaaahmmmma. Shocking. *yawn* — (Lainey)
When I was 20, I was a nanny for triplets, so this news makes me really happppyyy. Pharrell Williams and his wife Helen had triplets! — (DListed)
These Trump regret tweets are both delicious and sad. (Tumblr)
Word is Trump will throw a big ol’ titty baby fit if he has to meet with Prince Charles. Supreme Ruler Stubby Fingers only wants to meet with William, Kate, and Harry. I think the whole damn family should just put a sign on Buckingham Palace that says, «Gone Fishin'» and be mysteriously absent that day. (Celebitchy)
I have no segue for this, but look at this great dress Bryce Dallas Howard wore to the SAG Awards. Off the rack. Like, that dress cost less than my purse. I need to go shopping with her. I need to learn her ways. (Go Fug Yourself)
Here’s a look at the TV shows we may be seeing on our screens come this fall. Good news: There’s a show in the works about Alex Blumberg — always the no in the «Yes Yes No» segment on the «Reply All» podcast. The bad news: Zach Braff would be playing him. (But other goods news: Mindy Kaling and Tina Fey shows). (Uproxx)
I’m in a «FUCK EVERYONE» kind of mood today, so this trailer really appealed to me, because, man, I really want everyone to not be assholes too. Just, yeah, don’t be assholes, ok? — (oohlo)
A quick follow up to Rob Lowe’s insensitive remarks about the airport protests this weekend, which cast members of the West Wing and Brie Larson made fun of. Paul Verhoeven also weighed in, because Rob Lowe’s dickishness is the gift that keeps giving.
Just landed. Saw grandmas and little children dragging heavy luggage for for BLOCKS just trying to get home. #laxprotest
— Rob Lowe (@RobLowe) January 30, 2017
@brielarson Brie, thankyou for being salty about this.
— Paul Verhoeven (@paulverhoeven) January 31, 2017
But this beautiful video from Danish TV is a bit of a healing balm. It’s worth three minutes of your time. You’re welcome!
And finally, how every afternoon should go — (The Daily Otter)
If I got a job as Rob Lowe’s personal assistant, I would expect certain things from day one. Things like occasionally being splattered with self-tanner, weekly scoldings for buying the wrong brand of almond milk, and late-night phone calls from Winona Ryder. (He’d be like, “TELL HER I’M DEAD,” then I’d tell her he’s…
I honestly thought we were done with the Harry Potter series, but I suppose this will go on as long as the dollars roll in. Such is the nature of capitalism. Also I quit complaining when the premieres of the movies bring out the hotties such as Katherine Waterston and Daisy Lowe, both decked out hotties in black. Showing off their only fantastic beasts of the more alluring kind than found in the wizarding world.
You could do worse than imagine a menage-a-happy times with these two lovely ladies. Both second generation celebrity models and thespianics, both with funbags we’ve seen bare and beautiful before. There’s something to be said for attractive young women all gussied up for fancy affairs. Well, two things if you include the part about, how fast do you think we can get that dress off of you and are you going to scream if you hear a rip. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash