Well well well, what do we have here? A family-values politician who might have accidentally outed himself as a porn hound. You know, I always got the feeling Senator Ted Cruz was a bumbling doofus. But little did I know he was the type of doofus who could absolutely screw up a late-night online porn search. Congratulations, Ted – you succeeded at something! What? Being an idiot is technically something.
According to the New York Daily News, this all happened very early on Tuesday. Someone with eyes like a hawk noticed a video posted on Twitter by an account called @SexuallPosts had been “liked” by Ted Cruz. The second I heard that Ted Cruz liked a porn video, I immediately braced myself for the possibility that he was jacking it to a clip featuring his female lookalike. Thankfully it’s nowhere near that bad.
I guess Ted Cruz got the urge to cough up something gross and white from his penis. What he probably didn’t want was for everyone to see the kind of content he was “liking” in his spare time. A spokesperson for Ted Cruz was quick to do some damage control on behalf of her horny little boss.
The offensive tweet posted on @tedcruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter
— Catherine Frazier (@catblackfrazier) September 12, 2017
Hahahahaha, reported to Twitter?!? I would love to have been a fly on the wall during that staff meeting just to see how Ted Cruz tried to spin that. “Someone contact Twitter immediately and inform them of the obscene garbage on their site! Why last night alone I accidentally liked six pictures of naked breasts, two juicy butts, and clicked on an invitation to chat with sexy singles in my area!”
This is not Ted’s first time at the porno rodeo. Back when Ted Cruz was running for President, he ran an attack ad against Marco Rubio starring a porn actress. He later pulled it (THE AD, come on). Everyone seems to be delighting in laughing at Ted Cruz today. Even his Princeton roommate managed to get in a joke about it:
Now imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed.
Yes, my misery very much appreciates your company.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) September 12, 2017
If you can believe it, this gets better. Ted Cruz spoke to reporters in Washington, D.C. this morning about getting caught with his finger in the Twitter jar, if you will. The Washington Post says that Ted Cruz blamed it all on a “staffing issue.”
“There are a number of people on the team who have access to the account. It appears that someone inadvertently hit the ‘like’ button and when we discovered the post, which was I guess an hour or two later, we pulled it down. It was a staffing issue and it was inadvertent, it was a mistake, it was not a deliberate action. We’re dealing with it internally but it was a mistake, it was not malicious conduct.”
Oh, I’m sure he had an issue with his staff; I mean, why else would you be trolling the internet for porno?
Pics: Wenn.com, Twitter via NYDN