‘Preacher’ Recap: Ginger Ale Helps With Blood Loss & The Internet Is A Soul-Killer

Previously on Preacher: Jesse Custer became physically and spiritually bound to Genesis, an all-powerful entity unleashed from Heaven that allows anyone who hears his voice to do exactly as he commands. Tulip is a hitwoman whose Golden Rule is that absolutely no one fucks with her, and who is also Jesse’s childhood best friend and ex-girlfriend. Cassidy is a vampire who has ended up in the town of Annville, Texas (where Jesse lives and where Tulip grew up alongside Jesse) while escaping from a group of people who really don’t like vampires all that much, and none of them are named Buffy. Two angels named Fiore and Deblanc were sent from Heaven to retrieve Genesis, even if it meant killing Jesse to make that happen. Tulip and Cassidy crossed paths and ended up having sex (something that they’re both keeping a secret from Jesse), which was as enjoyable for me to watch as it was for Tulip to experience. Jesse, Tulip, Cassidy, and the entire town of Annville found out directly from Heaven that God has abandoned His post and gone missing, and no one knows where he is. Due to Juliet repeatedly hitting a nuclear bomb with a nearby rock the town’s methane reactor going into meltdown, the entire town of Annville explodes and is completely wiped off the map, but not before Jesse, Tulip, and Cassidy leave town in order to track down God and make Him answer for abandoning His post and all of the people who believe in Him.

Oh yeah, and a merciless and near-invulnerable cowboy (who is known only as The Cowboy) has been released from Hell by Fiore and Deblanc in order to hunt down Jesse and Genesis and kill them both, but not before Cowboy puts a bullet right through Deblanc’s face and leaves Fiore all alone.

And that’s really all you need to remember about Season 1 of Preacher. There’s certainly more, but the majority of it moved slower than a turtle swimming in molasses, so if you want to find out the rest, well…Google is your friend.

THE STORY SO FAR: Jesse, Tulip, and Cassidy are driving across the country at 90 MPH as their search for God begins. That attracts the attention of the local authorities for driving at 90 MPH who attempt to arrest them, as well as the Cowboy, who has tracked our heroes down and blasts every single highway-patrol officer into pieces with his revolvers. They seek out help from an old family friend of Jesse’s in order to figure our where God might be hiding and when that doesn’t work, they seek out Fiore, who is working in Las Vegas as a magician called The Amazing Ganesh and using his invulnerability and constant re-spawning as part of his act in order to find some purpose since Deblanc’s death at the hands of The Cowboy.

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT THESE EPISODES: The entire opening scene in which Jesse, Tulip, and Cassidy indulge in their usual R-rated banter (this time about dismembered foreskins being used as women’s face cream (and I’m sure there’s already several videos on YouTube insisting that this is true)) right before seeing the Saint Of Killers bring all nine circles of Hell with him as he destroys anyone and anything in his path in order to get to Jesse and Genesis.

Glenn Morshower is one of those «Hey, It’s That Guy» character actors who is able to make things just a little bit better with his presence alone, whether it’s 24 or That One Season Of Friday Night Lights That Shall Not Be Named, so seeing him play Mike, a fellow preacher who knew Jesse and his father and who helps counsel his parishioners by channeling Samuel L. Jackson in Black Snake Moan and locking them in (covered) cages to help them curb their urges («sex, drugs, Twitter»), was most definitely welcome.

When Jesse is asked by Cassidy about his late mother’s side of the family, the L’Angelles, and why there are no pictures of them at the wedding of Jesse’s parents in his family photo album, we get a prolonged glimpse of a fish tank behind Jesse and a toy trunk with a hose connected to it repeatedly opening and closing inside of the fish tank. It’s a nice reference to Jesse’s history with the L’Angelles and their favorite method of punishment when dealing with Jesse and his acts of bad behavior, which of course is all explained in further detail in the original Preacher comics.

The gigantic 108-point font from Captain America: Civil War making its return, and doing so to let us all know that The Cowboy is to be known as The Saint Of Killers. Not since Hugo Stiglitz in Inglourious Basterds has anyone and their name been giving an introduction this good.

Jesse and Tulip deciding to end their bad day on a good note and finally stop with the Will They/Won’t They so they can fuck each other’s brains out all over their hotel room.

Jesse working alongside the Greater Association of Gun Aficionados (or GAGA, for short) to stop the Saint Of Killers from approaching, and all of the pride they feel from using their guns. («Yeah, another problem solved by guns» «What can’t guns do?»)

Tulip vs. Gary (a former accomplice of hers from New Orleans who insists that she needs to go see Jabba The Hutt Viktor and explain her absence) and Tulip once again reminding us all that she is not in any way to be fucked with. It also reminded me of the fight between Patricia Arquette vs. James Gandolfini in True Romance, to the point where I was just waiting for Tulip to take down Gary with a corkscrew to the foot)

Tulip wearing an actual headwrap when lying in bed to go to sleep. It’s the little details that matter when you have a Black female character as one of the leads in your television series.

WHAT’S NOT SO GOOD ABOUT THESE EPISODES: Fiore finding the peace that Jesse told him to look for, in the form of death at the hands of The Saint Of Killers.

I expected Jesse to be a little more upset about the fact that everyone he knew back in Annville was suddenly dead and gone, but I guess I can chalk that up to him using that as one more reason to find God and demand some answers from Him.

Not much else I can think of at the moment, but I trust that the Comments section will provide any and all examples that may come to mind.

ODIN QUINCANNON’S WEEKLY MOMENT OF WEIRDNESS: None, because Odin got blown to smithereens along with the rest of Annville and Jackie Earle Haley is no longer a cast member.

ANY MENTIONS OF THE VAMPIRE-HUNTING VIGILANTES LOOKING FOR CASSIDY?: None whatsoever

ANY MENTIONS OF EUGENE A.K.A. ARSEFACE?: Fiore briefly mentions him to Jesse when trying to convince him to stop using Genesis, especially since The Saint of Killers pretty much uses it as a homing beacon whenever it’s used. Yes, Eugene is still in Hell thanks to Jesse sending him there, and no, Fiore has no intention whatsoever of going back there, not even to get him out.

ANY MENTIONS OF HOW MUCH CASSIDY REALLY DOESN’T LIKE THE BIG LEBOWSKI?: None.

IS DARYL STILL ALIVE? BECAUSE IF HE’S NOT, THEN WE RIOT: This is Preacher being discussed, not The Walking Dead, and seeing as how Norman Reedus didn’t suddenly quit the show and talk plenty of shit about his boss and co-workers without any concerns as to how his career might be affected because White male privilege is a hell of a drug, I assume that Daryl will be fine when The Walking Dead comes back in October.

TO SUM IT ALL UP: The first two episodes have done of a good job so far of giving me reasons to breathe a little easier and recognize that Preacher actually resembles the comic-book series that it’s adapting. The pace is much faster, the dialogue is funnier, Jesse/Tulip/Cassidy seem more like the characters we know and love, we’re no longer stuck in Annville with characters and storylines that weren’t nearly as memorable or outrageous as they could’ve and should’ve been, and the plot is actually moving and giving us reasons to care about what we’re watching.

Here’s hoping that Preacher can maintain this momentum and quality for the rest of the season. Hell, for the rest of the series.

P.S. Ginger ale may be treated like Robitussin in many a Black household, but it really doesn’t help with blood loss despite what Preacher tells you. If you’re suffering from that, please go see a doctor.

The season premiere «On The Road» was dedicated to the memory of Steve Dillon, who passed away last October due to complications from a ruptured appendix at the age of 54. He not only co-created Preacher with his longtime collaborator Garth Ennis and illustrated all 66 issues, but was one of the most legendary artists in the comic-book industry.

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These two episodes of Preacher, «On The Road» and «Mumbai Sky Tower,» were brought to you by «Come On Eileen» by Dexy’s Midnight Runners…

…and by «Nowhere To Run» by Arnold McCuller (with a special appearance by the late, great Lynne Thigpen)

Pajiba

Internet Freaking Over 41 Year Old, Cow Game Delay & Rece Davis’s Bathroom Setup At Barclays

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Hope you weren’t in the mood for anything other than the NBA Draft tonight because it’s gonna be one of those nights. You do get a College World Series game between TCU & Louisville. That gets bumped to ESPN2. ESPN will have your Draft coverage from like now until like 3 in the morning EST when they’re done with the L.A. SportsCenter.

Internet freaking out over this woman being 41…take a look

You can buy Madonna’s childhood home…it’s back after nearly burning down

Jets LB Lorenzo Mauldin allegedly did this to some guy’s face

Rece Davis has a desk in the bathroom at Barclays for the Draft

Cow interrupts soccer match

This bro wears a dress to get around ‘No shorts’ work rules, documents it on Twitter

Ron in Fort Myers likes marijuana, tells TV reporter on air

Introducing Kristen from Rutgers

Miggy Getting A Feel & Having Some Fun Video of the Month

Miguel Cabrera Cops A Feel

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Sausage Party of the Week


Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

The Internet (and Drake Bell) is Really Sad about ‘Drake & Josh’ Falling Out

I’m not going to pretend to know anything abut Drake and Josh for the benefit of this post. The Nickelodeon series was after my time as a kid, so my first exposure to either Drake Bell or Josh Peck was the terrific 2008 Josh Peck film The Wackness (which also introduced us to Olivia Thirlby, who disappointingly did not become a thing, as I had hoped). From my recollection of my review of The Wackness, many of our readers alerted me to the fact that Peck was the heavier-set individual in the Drake and Josh duo, which I found surprising at the time:

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Anyway, Josh and Drake had a sitcom together. It ran for four seasons and 57 episodes, which I suppose means to those who grew up in the aughts that Josh and Drake are obligated to remain friends forever. Apparently, Drake Bell also believes this because he was surprised and saddened to learn that he was not invited to Josh Peck’s wedding.

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Apparently Bell had been replaced by John Stamos, which I guess is a bit like Will Smith replacing DJ Jazzy Jeff as his best friend with Tom Cruise.

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The Internet was apparently rather upset by this development, and while I do not share in that grief, I will bring it to your attention.



I think that’s probably enough Twitter sadness for this particular situation. I’m still not over the fact that Little Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle had a falling out with Frankie Muniz.

via Dana Schwartz

Pajiba

The Internet Is Loving the Latest Controversy Between Taylor Swift and Katy Perry

Taylor Swift just pulled an interesting stunt with her music, and Twitter is having a field day. On Thursday, the singer’s team announced the exciting news that she would be returning her entire music back catalog to streaming services, including Spotify, at midnight on June 9 as a personal «thank you» to her fans for helping her 2014 album 1989 sell over 10 million copies. While the whole thing seemed innocent on the surface, people couldn’t help but notice the timing of her move was pretty suspect, considering it was the exact same time Katy Perry’s Witness was set to drop. Petty? Maybe. But people are eating (or should we say sipping?) it up. See some of the best reactions to Taylor and Katy’s ever-evolving feud below.

Most strutted straight to the Internet.

Some stated the facts.

Some were shook.

Some made jokes.

Some applauded Taylor’s pettiness.

Some sipped the tea.

Some thought the whole thing was pointless.

While others suggested a popular alternative.

POPSUGAR Celebrity

The Internet Hates The Car Kendrick Lamar Bought For His Sister

Kendrick Lamar Barclay Card Presents British Summertime Hyde Park

Sometimes the people of the internet can be that catty, judgmental frenemy with nothing nice to say EVER. Even when there is a positive story, they feel the need to crack their knuckles, sit on their toilets with their phone and talk shit (I imagine that’s where most of those fuckfaces do their dirty work). Just ask Kendrick Lamar’s sister, Kayla Duckworth.

As a high school graduation gift, Kendrick bought his sister Kayla a brand new 2017 Toyota Camry, and the internet was none too pleased with his choice of car. Meanwhile, most of them are searching their couch cushions for bus fare to go dine off of the nearest dollar menu, but that’s none of my business so you ain’t hear that from me…

Rap Up reports that Kayla took to her Instagram page to show off her new wheels, thanking her big brother for his generosity.

Thank you big brother for my graduation gift! ❤️ @kendricklamar

A post shared by Kayla Duckworth (@silnovia) on

Well this angered the masses (aka the people who can’t even afford a pack of Hot Wheels let alone a whole car) and they immediately came for Kendrick’s life with their negativity.

Kayla was unfazed by the negativity and went so far as to retweet a few comments from people who supported Kendrick by shutting the haters down. The Boombox posted a few tweets over on their site, but my absolute favorite would have to be this one.

This isn’t the first time Kendrick has come under fire for his lack of big ballin’. Back in 2014 when he purchased a home an hour outside of Los Angeles, many were surprised that, since he’s a huge rap star, he didn’t run to the realtor’s office and throw ten thousand stacks in the air shouting “Show me the good shit!” as it rained down from the heavens. Not everyone is in a rush to go broke!

So let that be a lesson to all the punks of the internet. In the words of the only First Lady I will ever acknowledge, Michelle Obama: “When they go low we go high.” So y’all feel free to keep those twitter fingers active while waiting for the bus. Maybe Kayla will honk at you as she rides by blasting her brother’s hit song, Humble.

Pic: WENN

 

Dlisted

There Are Photos of The Rock Posing With a Rock Because the Internet Is a Beautiful Thing

While the world seems to constantly disagree on every little thing, there is one fact we’re confident most people are on board with: Dwayne «The Rock» Johnson is a magical human being. The Baywatch actor, who may or may not run for president, has been blessing the public with his presence for many years now. He started out as a professional wrestler in the ’90s and went by his ring name, «The Rock.» And it is because of that nickname that he participated in one of the best photo shoots we’ve probably ever seen. Back in 1999, The Rock posed with an actual f*cking rock for no particular reason, and it’s almost too much to handle. Please do yourself a favor and look at these timeless photos now and every day for the rest of your life.

POPSUGAR Celebrity

Is It Possible to Spoil a Show That’s Mostly Atmosphere? The Internet Will Find Out!

Bob’s Burgers on Fox at 7:30pm ET. Seventh season finale.

The Simpsons on Fox at 8:00pm ET. 28th season finale. This has been renewed for two more seasons already, and I’d wonder if they were going out at 30 seasons, but people have been wondering if they were «going out» for the last 15 years so there’s really no point to it. Eventually, prior to the heat-death of the universe, The Simpsons will end. This is all I know for certain, and I am comfortable with that.

American Gods on Starz at 9:00pm ET. There was a bunch of other stuff on tonight, finales and special events and the like, and I almost didn’t list that but I was like «Nah, they should be watching American Gods instead of the Billboard Music Awards» so it stays.

Twin Peaks: The Return on Showtime at 9:00pm ET. Two-hour series premiere. It’s very not fair that almost ALL the premium channels are carrying must-watch TV now. Come on, guys, I managed to get ahold of Starz and HBO, but Showtime too? It’s too much. The good news is that it’s basically impossible to spoil anything by David Lynch because the entire concept of spoilers relies on the idea that all shows or movies have a linear narrative that progresses between specific plot points. This is not how David Lynch works, so I think I’m safe waiting on this one.

Elementary on CBS at 10:00pm ET. Fifth season finale.

Pajiba

This Is The Stupidest Effing Thing On The Internet

As some of you might know, I’m studying to become an accountant. But as most of you probably won’t know, I had to take an Art Appreciation class as part of my gen eds. So I’m more than qualified to offer a critique of the comic in the header, and I can say, with absolutely surety, that’s the stupidest fucking thing on the internet right now (yeah, I get to use real swears after the break. Balls). Now, you could argue that that’s an easy assessment given that the comic is from that media luminary Americans for Limited Government, which features such thought provoking treaties like «So what if Trump shared intel with Russia to avert potential terror attacks?«, but it’s not only the source that makes it stupid. Let’s get into it.

1) That’s Not What A Witch Hunt Is
That’s not what a witch hunt is. Like not at all. Although, I do desperately want to see what this guy thinks a rabbit hunt is because I think it would be terrifyingly adorable, and that’s my wheelhouse. Like if Zooey Deschanel got hopped up on meth, and started Running Man-ing people. The creator of this cartoon managed to miss the fundamental point of the term witch hunt. And then made a cartoon about it. It’s very stupid.

2) That’s Not A Hot Take On What «Witch Hunt» Means
Someone will argue that this is just a creative reimagining of «witch hunt.» Because Trump clearly can’t be a witch given that he’s a big, tough man with man hands who doesn’t even need magic because he’s so powerful. Only that unforgivable bastardization of the term «witch hunt» leaves us a fucking mess puddle of metaphor and stupidity. A «witch hunt» is where a group of people persecute a person or group of people for a crime that couldn’t possibly exist. They prey upon others’ lack of understanding in order to whip up hysteria in an effort to take down a person who has done little, if anything, wrong. Look at the stupid comic again.

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Trump’s not portrayed as a witch. He’s literally framed as a deer. You know, those animals that the government has decided that, due to their position and dangerous power, need to be kept under control in certain respects, and are therefore the legitimate target of governmental bodies? And on occasion, journalists and the media will report on said actions taken by the government in order to ensure that the citizenry in general are kept safe? Or what about the fact that the poster of Trump includes the phrase «open season» alluding to the fact that there are certain restrictions on when, where, and how the target can be chased in order to make sure that they aren’t over hunted? Is that what the creator of the cartoon meant to do? Because what this does is frame the government’s and media’s actions not just as necessary, but thoroughly regulated and law abiding.

3) Was That All Worth It To Draw Nancy Pelosi As A Witch?
Seriously, was that it? You got to draw her as a green, ugly version of herself? Because as a woman who writes on the internet and is also a woman in real life, I can guarantee you, Pelosi has heard worse.

4) Same With The Shadowy Obama Figure
First. Black. President. And you come at him with that bush-league shit.

So in conclusion, the artist doesn’t understand a basic, nearly self-explanatory colloquialism, and instead accidentally portrayed the ongoing Trump investigation as well-regulated and necessary. This is very likely the most epic example of something backfiring I’ve ever seen in real life, and I once watched a child try to punch his sister and accidentally hit himself in the back of the head with a swing. In his defense, that child was 3. I’m guessing this artist doesn’t have the same excuse, yes? It’s almost as if the people supporting Trump aren’t that smart.

Pajiba

Someone Is Giving Donald Trump News From an Internet Troll and Neo-Nazi Fundraiser

If you are lucky enough not to know who Charles C. Johnson, also known as Chuck Johnson is, here’s a quick primer: Johnson is a far right blogger who was permanently banned from Twitter in 2015 for a tweet that was perceived as a threat against civil rights activist DeRay McKesson. His site, GotNews, is known for…

Read more…


Jezebel

The Patriots Invited An Internet Trick Shot Kicker To Mini-Camp

In the most Patriots move of all-time, Bill Belichick has invited a kicker who hasn’t played a down of football past high school to mini-camp. His name is Josh Gable and he specializes in post trick-shot kicks on the internet. I fully expect him to now become a hall of famer.

In recent weeks, he’s been playing in the Indoor Football League for the Nebraska Danger and apparently he’s crushing it. That caught the eye of Hoodie and now he’s on his way to Foxborough.

Via ESPN:

Gable’s agent, Brad Berkowitz, said Wednesday he believes Gable is capable of kicking in the NFL and just needs a chance. The Patriots are curious enough to have invited Gable to their upcoming minicamp, which includes rookies.

Berkowitz has aggressively pursued NFL opportunities for the 26-year-old Gable and says multiple teams have inquired. As part of his sales pitch, he has relayed numerous videos, with two notable ones showing Gable cranking an 80-yard field goal and showcasing his accuracy by consistently nailing tall light poles, and doing so midway up the poles.

We’re onto the videos.

Thanksgiving trick shot


5 straight from 60…easy


And his IG account is loaded with more

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Somewhere John Harbaugh is quickly sifting through a rule book.


Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

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