Would You Hit It? One Dude Said Yes And The Fire Department Had To Be Called 



This story makes me think of the famous line from Field of Dreams: If you build it, he will come… after fucking it.

Metro UK brings us yet more proof that dudes will stick their dicks in any hole. Now, most dudes stick their peen into normal, regular things like an overripe honeydew melon that’s been furthered softened by gentle taps from a rubber hammer, or a hallowed-out Pillsbury dough log that’s been dipped in slightly warm olive oil (it’s just the right kind of greasy). But then there’s some extra kinky, next level (and dumber than a barbel) dudes who like a challenge and will look at a 5 pound weight at the gyn and think, “I’m here to pump that up.

The Guinness World Record for the longest laugh ever was probably made last Friday morning by a German emergency operator who got the call that a man got horny for a weight and got his dick stuck in its hole and needed help from firefighters. I’m no weightfucker, but I can’t blame that dumbass. That 5 pound weight does look pretty hot. But he should’ve played with something more his speed, like a lesser weight, because that 5 pounder has obviously been doing its kegels and is tighter than a frugal grandma on your birthday.

By the way, this happened in the German city of Worms. Worms.

The dude apparently stuck it to the weight at the gym, and had to go the hospital where doctors couldn’t help him and had to call the fire department. The hell kind of doctors are those? Didn’t they learn in med school that the surefire way to shrivel up a dick is to show it a picture of Woody Allen sucking on an ice pop? When firefighters showed up, it took them three hours and a bunch of rescue tools to free the dick. The Rock is laughing at that. He wears a 50 pound weight as a cock ring, and if he wanted to free himself of it, he’d just have to dick flex real quick and his peen’s muscles would break that bitch in two.

This is the Facebook message that the fire department in Worms wrote about the weight fuck gone wrong situation:

Einsatzbericht: strange accident – help for the hospital

How sensitive to the use of our fire department can be a message of the somewhat different kind that was received on Friday morning, 15.09.2017, at the control centre. The Boroughs was called to the hospital in worms. One person had a very sensitive part of the body trapped in the hole of a 2,5 kg-dumbbell disc. With the help of the grinder, a vibrations saw and a hydraulic emergency, the dumbbell weight could be removed after three hours.

The and a fireman of the volunteer unit centre were in use.

Please do not imitate such actions!

A Redditor posted what they claim is a before picture of the dick in the weight. It’s NSFW, but if you’re at work and someone catches you looking at it, just tell them that it’s not what they think. It’s really a picture a baby elephant playing with a flat, black donut. If you’ve got a dick, pull out a tiny defibrillator, because it’s going to have a coronary after looking at this horror show.

And this is an after picture of the weight:


I bet that dude keeps a picture of that destroyed weight on his phone and shows it to his bros while saying, “Dude, look at this pussy, I really tore that shit up!” Please, if anything got tore up it’s that dude’s dick. That 5 pound weight’s pussy game is so damn hardcore that the Jaws of Life had to be brought out.

Pics: FacebookPerform Better (that source name is just too perfect for this story)


Vols Fan Soaks Butch Jones Autographed Jersey In Moonshine, Lights It On Fire

It’s one of the most fascinating defensive strategy videos in my 10 years (in December) of doing Busted. Never seen anything like it. There’s :09 left on the clock, you’re tied 20-20 and you let a wide receiver get behind the defense. AND YOU DON’T TACKLE THE WIDE RECEIVER! TACKLE THE FUCCIN RECEIVER. TAKE HIS ASS OUT!!!

Give them the 15-yards, make them use that kicker who claims to have hit an 81-yarder in pads and there’s a 99.9% chance you’re going to OT.

And then Florida completes a game-winner.

Butch took control after the game and said anything is possible when a QB flushes from the pocket. Bold, Butch. Very bold.

Tackle HIM!

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These Sexy Pictures Prove That Jennifer Lawrence Will Always Be the Girl on Fire

Jennifer Lawrence could literally wear a burlap sack and she’d still be one of the most beautiful human beings on the planet. Aside from being insanely attractive, she’s also funny, talented, and unapologetically candid, and we love her all the more for it. Over the years, we’ve seen the 27-year-old go from an indie star to a seasoned Oscar-winning actress, but we’ve also watched her blossom into a striking young woman. She may have put her days of playing Katniss Everdeen behind her, but these sexy photos prove she will always be the girl on fire.

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The Key to How Beric Dondarrion Makes His Sword Catch Fire

After months of teasing, Game of Thrones finally gave fans what they had been waiting for in «Beyond the Wall»: more of Beric Dondarrion and his flaming sword of awesome. The knight who has been brought back from the dead six times hasn’t been given a massive amount of screen time, but he’s known for making every moment count. After all, it’s kind of hard to miss a guy who wields a sword that is literally on fire. But what causes Beric’s sword to flame? Azor Ahai is meant to possess a magical sword called Lightbringer, but according to the book series, it actually radiates light and heat at all times. Beric’s sword is easily extinguished, which means it’s unlikely to be the legendary Lightbringer. That doesn’t mean what’s fueling the flames is any less magical though.

The best place to find the answer to this mystery is in the text that inspires the series. Thoros of Myr, who brings Beric back to life each time he dies, is also capable of lighting his sword ablaze. However, he does it with a bit of trickery. It’s explicitly stated in the books that he uses wildfire to pull off the effect. Melisandre likely does something similar in season two when she is trying to convince everyone that Stannis is Azor Ahai reborn by having him pull a sword from the fire. However, Beric doesn’t use wildfire to create the flames that engulf his weapon, the power comes from within him.

His blood is the key. In the book A Storm of Swords, Beric cuts his hand in order to light his sword before engaging in trial by combat with The Hound, and he seems to use a similar technique on the show. He always runs the blade through his hand before it is set ablaze, and it’s likely that he is actually cutting himself in the process. This could be a form of blood magic — the most effective and dangerous kind of magic — or it may be one of the Lord of Light’s gifts.

In a recent interview with Time, George R.R. Martin revealed Beric is what is known as a fire wight. He’s as undead as the White Walkers, but it’s fire that keeps him alive, not ice. According to Martin, the knight loses a little more of himself each time he is brought back from the dead. Indeed, in the show, he’s shown to be weary and resigned to his fate as nothing more than a tool to be used as the Lord of Light sees fit. He’s more than willing to sacrifice himself for others, and he suggests that Jon should be too. The implication seems to be that their lives are no longer theirs now that they’ve been brought back from the dead.

On the upside, Beric did get a cool sword trick out of the deal. Being truly alive would be better than slicing your hand open to ignite a fiery sword in order to fight an army of the undead, but when you’re playing the game of thrones, you have to appreciate whatever small perks the universe offers you. And it’s entirely possible this is one perk that Jon possesses as well, even if he doesn’t realize it yet. If fire is truly keeping these two men alive, then Jon’s blood should be able to produce a similar effect — only his sword could be far more impressive than Beric’s.

Longclaw is made from Valyrian steel, so adding fire to its White Walker-killing abilities would make Jon even more of a force to be reckoned with than he already is. Let’s just hope poor Beric doesn’t end up suffering from sword envy.

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Wait a Second — Can Dragons Breathe Fire If They’re White Walkers?

The following contains spoilers for Game of Thrones season seven.

Many of us Game of Thrones fans probably never saw ourselves sobbing over the death of a mythical creature before tonight’s episode, when saw the death of one of Daenerys’s dragons at the hands of the Night King. Watching Viserion die was like taking a bullet to the chest, but what made it even worse is that the White Walkers basically have the last say in this battle when they turn our fallen friend into one of their own. Things aren’t looking too good for Jon Snow and everyone else fighting the Great War, but the question at hand now is this: can a White Walker dragon breathe fire?

With the long-awaited meeting of Jon and Daenerys in season seven, there’s been a lot of talk of fire and ice, as the two are clearly significant symbols in the show’s overall storyline. It seems as though, given the climate that they live in, the White Walkers’ main weapon of choice is ice, and the spear that the Night King hurls into the air that ultimately causes Viserion to fall to his death is made of ice. Daenerys’s weapon is obviously fire, but as we witnessed on Sunday night, dragon fire can kill wights, though it doesn’t kill White Walkers. So with Viserion having been turned, it’s very possible that this undead dragon breathes something totally different than its live counterparts, as it decreases the likelihood of killing members of its own army.

There’s also the fact that Game of Thrones likes to throw curveballs at us. Daenerys has always had the upper hand, as she was the only one on the show with three dragons who no human was crazy enough to face — until now. The playing field has officially been leveled, and it’d be extremely easy to assume that zombie Viserion will breathe fire, but with this show, you should pretty much expect the unexpected once we’re finally able to see that dragon in the middle of a battle.

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17 Photos of the Stark Siblings That Prove Blood Is Thicker Than Water (and Fire and Ice)

Game of Thrones has taken so much from the Stark family, but we have a feeling that no matter what other horrible things may happen in Westeros, nothing will be able to fully break them. Despite parents Ned and Catelyn being killed off a long time ago, as well as Robb (Richard Madden) and Rickon (Art Parkinson), their remaining children have never stopped loving each other (despite being separated by wars and thousands of miles). And it turns out that their bond is just as strong in real life.

Sansa (Sophie Turner), Arya (Maisie Williams), Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright), and «bastard» Jon Snow (Kit Harington) — who isn’t Ned’s son, but nobody really knows yet — love getting together outside of work. Whether they’re hitting a red carpet or just relaxing on a Friday night, we love their sibling-like bond. Keep scrolling to see some of their best moments together (some also feature more familiar Game of Thrones faces).

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Emilia Clarke’s «Mo Dragons Mo Problems» Photo With Kit Harington Will Light a Fire in You

A post shared by @emilia_clarke on

Daenerys Targaryen has always been a fan favorite on Game of Thrones. From her «take no sh*t» attitude to her devotion to always doing the right thing, she’s clearly the right person to take the Iron Throne to rule Westeros. But so far in season seven, she’s shown a slightly different (aka annoying) side to her, most obvious when she repeatedly insists that Jon Snow bend the knee to serve her as his queen. Jon, being the smart and stubborn person he is, refuses, because — as he said — he doesn’t know her from Adam.

While their characters continue this power struggle on screen (while also dealing with obvious sexual tension), their real-life counterparts couldn’t be more relaxed. Dany (Emilia Clarke) posted a photo with Jon (Kit Harington) on Instagram on Sunday, writing, «Wait….. did I NOT tell you guys?! Um yeah. Now if he’d only bend the bloody knee there’ll be no problems…..🔥💃❄️🕺 #modragonsmoproblems #igot99problemsandjonsnowisone #whichroundsmeupto100problems #youknownothingjonsnow.» Not only is their close friendship clearly visible in the snap, but Harington is also sporting his adorable pair of glasses. We would say this photo lit our world on fire, but Drogon already did that . . .

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Fire, Ball With Me: The Easter Eggs in Darren Aronofsky’s ‘mother!’ Posters

We’re still no closer to figuring out what the hell is happening in Darren Aronofsky’s ‘mother!’, set to make its worldwide premiere next month at the Venice Film Festival, but there’s great fun to be had in analysing the few scraps we have. And making ball puns.

Aronofsky just released the latest poster for the film, with Javier Bardem front and centre surrounded by flames and holding what looks like the ball from Phantasm. Suitably enigmatic, of course.

Mother poster Javier Bardem.jpg

Now, according to the director, there are a bunch of Easter eggs all over the two posters, so let’s see how many we can figure out while we’re here. As a reminder, here’s the Jennifer Lawrence poster.

Mother Poster Jennifer Lawrence.jpg

Things we have spotted so far:

* The blood on Lawrence’s dress seems to spell out the number 1310. This may just have been a reference to the original release date of October 10th, but it’s still a cool detail.

* There’s a frog in the bottom right of the Lawrence poster.

* There’s a man’s face in a box in the bottom left of the Lawrence poster. Possibly Javier?

* Some of the flowers seem to have bejewelled boxes growing in them.

* There’s blue stuff bleeding over the flower in the top right corner. Blood?

* In the bottom right of both posters, there is a square with the Zodiac symbol for Pisces on it. «Pisces» is the Latin word for «Fishes.» It’s one of the earliest zodiac signs on record, and in Greek mythology it pertains to the myth of Aphrodite and Eros, who transformed into fish to escape the monster Typhon.

* There are lots of creepy faces amidst the fire surrounding Javier. Very hellish. There’s a lot of fire in the trailer too.

* Javier is holding a ball.

Spotted anything else that we may have missed? There’s no prize for finding it beyond the satisfaction of being right, but we welcome it anyway.


Why It’s So Interesting That Melisandre Mentions «Ice and Fire» on This Week’s Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones just introduced two fan-favorite characters: Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen, giving heat to a theory we had previously had, especially since Melisandre says that she brought together ice and fire. To understand why this is so significant to the very core of this story, we have to talk about the theory. It’s about the end of the show and, essentially, who ultimately wins in the titular game of thrones — so if you don’t want to know, turn back now.

The Theory: A Song of Ice and Fire Gives the Ending Away

The title Game of Thrones is the name of the TV series but not George R. R. Martin’s book series. The first book is called A Game of Thrones, but the whole book series, comprising the already-published five books (and the two still to come), is called A Song of Ice and Fire. A lovely name, to be sure, but what if it’s more than that?

What If Ice and Fire Signify Certain People?

What if this epic «song» is about how two characters — symbolized by ice and fire — come together in the end? The obvious characters are:

Jon Snow = Ice

Jon has been living in the icy cold of the Wall and beyond for six seasons; now he’s the King in the North.

Daenerys Targaryen = Fire

There has been tons of fire imagery associated with Daenerys on the show, including her own «rebirth» in the first season in a funeral pyre for Khal Drogo, her dragons breathing fire, and of course, that badass walk through fire in Vaes Dothrak. Also: the Targaryen words are «Fire and Blood.»

Therefore, A Song of Ice and Fire = A Song of Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen

A stretch? Could be, but consider the two characters who fans have an undying love for and who both seem destined for something more. There’s also the fact that Jon’s resurrection is not just a major indication of his destiny, but also a distinct parallel to Daenerys’s similar immunity to certain death in the same season. Thus, we could be watching the story of how the Seven Kingdoms are destined for two rulers, not just one, and the Iron Throne will be cozily shared by Jon and Daenerys. Also, since Jon is a Targaryen, you might be pointing out that that makes him and Daenerys related (technically, she’d be his aunt), but marrying within the family has always been a Targaryen custom.

And though I suppose other characters could fulfill the ice and fire symbols, it’s almost too obvious. And finally, in season seven, Melisandre is the catalyst who brings Jon and Daenerys together, and she calls them «ice and fire,» having already said both have a large role to play in Westeros’s destiny.

It’s undeniable: the end has to be all about these two.

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James Harrison Rolled Into Steelers Training Camp In A Fire Truck

I can’t get enough of James Harrison. He’s an ageless wonder who loves throwing around insane weight and hates participation trophies. That’s my kind of guy.

However, I never saw him as the flashy type who wants to put on a show. He’s a lunch pail, first in, last out kind of guy. But then he showed up to training camp today in a goddamn firetruck and I don’t know what to think anymore.

I’ve never seen this side of James. He’s the guy who hits the weight room after a Sunday night game. Now he’s driving firetrucks in front of reporters. He just flipped my whole idea of him on its head. We can’t quit him, though. That’s our guy here at BC. Nobody loves his IG workout videos more than us.

Antonio Brown’s entrance wasn’t too bad either

Now this fits the personality a bit more

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