Ben Carson Is Partially Responsible For Rebuilding Areas Destroyed By Hurricanes. In Related News, We’re All Partially Boned.

So let’s get this out of the way: Ben Carson is a neurosurgeon, which requires more than a little dedication, study and practice. I’m not doubting his abilities in that specific field.

But you’ve gotta question his analytical skills, right? Like maybe the dude who saw the hallway leading to a stage and thought, «I should hang here for a while» probably isn’t the best to be making complex decisions effecting the housing situation of millions of people.

Including, as it turns out, hurricane victims.

So there’s a lot of stupid shit in there, but we need to talk about one of the big issues: poor people don’t want to be poor. So the whole idea of making public housing not «too nice» is fucking garbage. Let’s really break it down.

First and foremost, what do you mean by not «that nice»? I presume everyone is in favor of keeping all public housing up-to-code, yes? Because if not, there’s a giant fucking tragedy of a London apartment fire that would like to have a word with you about that. Also probably pest free? Given the increased health costs associated with living in infested homes? And we can rule out the idea that anyone is arguing in favor of increasing violence? So that’s what we’re aiming for, right? Housing that is up-to-code, infestation free, and relatively free from violence?

Well, fuck, there are a shitton of people not in public housing who would give Carson’s left nut for that. So fuck off with your punative-actions-disguised-as-motivation bullshit, Dr. Carson. We don’t need that shit. Poor people aren’t poor because they want to be. They aren’t unaware that being rich is better. They’re poor because we’ve got a broken fucking system that is not-so-slowly crushing middle- and lower-classes with increased costs of living and decreased wages for the benefit of the rich. That’s why they’re poor, dick weed. Not because their living conditions aren’t squalid enough.

Oh, and speaking of those rich people, how exactly do they stay motivated? They live in beautiful homes which are safe and well cared for. They’ve attained a level of material security most people won’t see on their entire lives. And yet they still wake up every morning to run their business and sell their luxury condos and run the fucking country into the ground. Why haven’t they stopped working? Oh, what’s that? They got rich because they’re motivated? Because working hard and being rewarded fairly for it is usually all the motivation an adult needs? Unless they’re poor that is?

Well fuck me. It’s almost like we’ve got two contradictory views on people’s work ethic explicitly designed to demonized poor people so we can continue treating them like shit. Good thing we’ve got a fucking brain surgeon in charge of fixing that.


Looks Like the Animals Destroyed Laundry Detergent but Left Us Hair Styling Products

Hollywood Game Night on NBC at 8:00pm ET.

Battle of the Network Stars on ABC at 9:00pm ET.

Discovery Special: Mosquito on Discovery at 9:00pm ET. 90-minute special presentation. There have been a lot of misleading titles on television these days, so I will assure you that this is about exactly what you think it’s about. It is about mosquitoes. An hour and a half just about mosquitoes. I’m sure it’s very informative and there’s a lot to examine there with the health risks and pandemic potential, but I get the feeling that I’d just spend 90 minutes being itchy for no discernible reason.

The Night Shift on NBC at 10:00pm ET.

Zoo on CBS at 10:00pm ET. I somehow completely missed that this was coming back. So are the super-powered animals in charge yet or are the humans hanging in? Phrasing it like that makes it sound like a dumb version of the new Planet of the Apes series and I guess that’s not the worst way to describe it.


How Identity Politics Nearly Destroyed, But Then United a Small, Online Community

This is a story about video games, but it’s more than that. It’s also a story about friendship, racism, homophobia, loyalty, and how you learn the truth about your friends.

But it started with video games. Three years ago, Bungie, Inc. released a game called Destiny. It’s a fairly hard-to-define game, a sprawling first person shooter game with a hard sci-fi backstory. It’s an online cooperative game, wherein you join up with other players for missions and raids, but also for activities where you play against other groups of players. Despite playing video games on and off for the last 30+ years, it was my first online game. And after two months of it, I basically quit. I didn’t know anyone else who liked to play it, and I was anxious about online gaming with strangers (which is ironic in retrospect when you consider how many friends I’ve made through online writing). But eventually, a Pajiba reader and Facebook friend persuaded me to join his clan (in the Destiny world, likeminded groups of players can join together into formalized collectives called clans). And that’s how I dipped my toe into online gaming.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that it changed my life in a lot of ways. It turns out that this particular clan was filled with people who I almost instantly connected with. They were funny and smart and interesting, with common interests in movies and TV and comic books and sports. What started out as a casual gaming experience became … a form of socializing. For me, it became something bigger. I was a relatively new father with a wife who worked nights. I had little to no social life, and so my nights frequently consist of me coming home from work, playing with my son, feeding him dinner, and putting him to bed. And then, it’s just me by myself with books or TV or video games. But suddenly, I didn’t feel like such a shut-in. Suddenly, I could play video games and socialize with people, shooting the shit while we also saved the universe.

What’s more, the guys in that clan became my friends. Real, actual friends. Sure, we were scattered across the world, from Boston to Nebraska, Texas to DC, California to hell, Australia. We were housing managers and logistics coordinators, chemists and oceanographers. A guy who works for REI and a guy who works for the CIA (I think. He works at the Pentagon. He might be a government assassin for all I know.) But it was diverse, enjoyable company. We joked and made fun of each other, we celebrated each others’ personal triumphs and commiserated each others’ losses. Whether it was the birth of a child or the death of a parent, that clan was there for each other. We became friends. It felt like a family.

And then, in not-particularly-coincidental timing, it started to fall apart at the beginning of the year.

It started one night, when it was just me and one other guy from our group, Bill (all names have been changed). He was relatively new — newer than me, anyway (a lot of these guys have been gaming together for years). We were playing Destiny’s PvP (Player versus Player) activity, «The Crucible,» wherein you’re matched up against other players, sometimes with various objectives, but ultimately to try to kill each other off. Things were not going well for Bill. He was of probably average skill, but tonight was not his night. Finally, after being killed ten or eleven times, it happened. Some straw broke the back of some camel, and he shouted out:


I felt as if all the air had been sucked out of my basement TV room. I was stunned, but only for a moment. I immediately barked back:

TK: Whoa, whoa WHOA. What did you just say?

Bill: Sorry man, I just —

TK: No, man, there’s no «I just». What the fuck was that?

Bill: I didn’t mean it that way…

TK:: What the fuck other way is there?

Bill: When I say it, I mean, you know, stupid people. I was actually talking about myself because I fucked up.

TK: Bill. You’re a smart guy. You know a lot of words. Find a better goddamn word.

Bill: OK, OK. Look, I’m sorry if you got offended.

There it was. «I’m sorry if you got offended». No acknowledgement that he’d said some racist shit, just that he’d been busted saying some racist shit. I finished off the match we were playing and signed off.

A couple days later, after I’d cooled off a little, things came to a head in our Band chat (we use an app called Band — similar to Slack — to chat and goof off with each other during the day). Someone posted a meme that was uncharacteristically homophobic. The chat became uncomfortably quiet, and then I asked if we could perhaps refrain from posting homophobic or racist shit in our chat. It started an argument about «just joking» and «not taking everything so seriously,» and «how come some jokes are OK and others aren’t?». Sides were chosen. And this wonderful little group of friends that I’d been with for almost three years felt like it was starting to fracture.

I took a break, going almost two weeks without playing or joining our chat. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where my friends stood. I was angry and hurt. I remember saying «someone has to take a stand on this. We’re either OK with this kind of talk, or we’re not. There can be no middle ground on this for me.» And I thought … this might be it. This might not be important enough to them. I mean, all they want is to play fucking video games. They joined this group to get away from politics, from conflict. Just like I did. But it was a new world now, and that world had invaded our place. It was a microcosm of every family fight, every divided friendship that post-Trump America had created. It felt like it had become too real, too much like the very world we were trying to escape. Maybe we should accept that the «real» world is always going to play a part in our lives, even when we’re banding together with Hunters and Titans to save the galaxy from an evil God of the Hive. Part of me realized that maybe this was our problem in the first place — maybe we shouldn’t be trying to escape.

This is a story about video games. But it’s also a story about all of us. It’s a story about how easily we fracture apart, and how the differences between us seem sharper, more painful than they did a year ago. It’s a story about how voices of anger and prejudice have gotten louder over the years. It’s a story about the end of friendships. This is a story that isn’t uncommon — it’s easy to say that video game communities are a pit of vitriol and bitterness. It’s what’s dominated the headlines when it comes to these communities — GamerGate being the chief perpetrator. But of course, it’s not just video game communities — it’s the world around us, where anger and racism and hatred seems to be on the rise with every passing day.

Eventually the guys who were the de facto leadership, the originators of the clan, got tired of my silence and reached out to me. The answer they gave me was everything I needed: «We get it. We want to fix it, but we’re not sure how. Let us figure it out. Don’t go.»

So I didn’t go. They figured it out, collectively. And they changed things. They created a code of conduct, and everyone in the clan — everyone — had to acknowledge it. A line on hate speech of any kind was drawn hard in the sand. It was time for people to learn the difference between «that’s what she said» jokes, and misogyny, racism, homophobia. In the face of the ugliness of the outside world, they had the choice to put blinders on. But they chose righteousness. I was proud of them, proud of us.

It made us stronger. It made us better, and cemented our friendships. For better or worse, Bill ended up getting kicked out — his temperament and attitude just never found a place after that, he had another ugly night (I wasn’t around for it), and the next day he was asked to leave. The tension was gone, and it felt like we were having more fun than ever. But it also made us freer. Talk of politics, previously mostly ignored, became a little more common. Not because of commonality of belief (though there is that), but because I think we realized that we didn’t need to hide anything about ourselves.

This was a story about video games. But it’s also a story about finding hope in the darkness. Ask any of the Pajiba writers, and they’ll tell you that when we talk about the current state of affairs, I’m losing hope. So much so that I can barely write about it anymore. I tried to give myself a boost earlier in the year, but it always felt like we were losing more battles than we were winning. But then I realized something — this band of strangers, this band of brothers? They can give me hope, too. Even a community as seemingly silly and lighthearted as ours can take a stand on something. Communities like this can do amazing things — hell, this week alone, Destiny players raised over a million dollars for kids with cancer (in only seven days, no less). So while this story may not seem like a big deal, it plays a part in the larger world. It makes me realize that every day, people are taking stands like this, both small and large. It becomes a question of numbers and momentum. The road to progress lost both numbers and momentum last year, but we’re still traveling on it. Still pushing forward. And maybe if enough of us take these little stands, it’ll keep going and we’ll finally get somewhere where we don’t feel like we’re taking steps backwards.

Oh, and if you’re looking for a good Destiny clan? Hit me up. I know a solid group of guys.


Duncan Keith Destroyed Preds Viktor Arvidsson Before Getting Swept In Nashville

I was on my way to Detroit Metro this morning at 3 a.m. and heard confirmation from Fox Sports Radio on what Clay Travis tweeted last night after the Predators swept the Blackhawks, the No. 1 seed. It’s true that an 8-seed has never swept a 1-seed in a series.

All those people who moved to Nashville for work finally have that going for them. But we have to address the hit that Duncan Keith laid on Viktor Arvidsson before we close the door on this series.

But it was Arvidsson with the last laugh — the empty netter (he had two goals in the game) to seal it and give the Predators what looks like an eventual matchup with St. Louis (Blues lead the Wild 3-1). Buckle up for that series. That’ll be just a 300 mile drive.


Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

Tom Cotton Gets Destroyed By Woke 7-Year-Old, Ignores Woman Who Says She’ll Die Without Obamacare

In today’s segment of Republicans being completely unable to quell the fears of millions of Americans slated to lose their health insurance or even get deported, I give you Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton.

Cotton hosted a town hall on Wednesday evening in which he tried and failed to answer questions about what the GOP is planning to do with the Affordable Care Act, since repealing it would strip roughly 20 million Americans of their healthcare, and other issues of concern now that the Trump administration has actively declared war on just about every common sense policy linked with Americans’ survival. Beyond the regular sh*t show these things tend to be, boy, did it get heated last night.

Over the course of the evening, a seven-year-old boy, who identified himself as Toby Smith and assured Cotton that he was «almost eight,» delivered a heated question about the Trump administration and its racism and disregard for national parks and arts grants.

«Donald Trump makes Mexicans not important to people who are in Arkansas who like Mexicans, like me and my grandma and all my family,» Smith said. «And he’s deleting all the parks and PBS KIDS just to make a wall. He shouldn’t do all that stuff for just a wall.»

Later, after the town hall, Smith told KATV, «People like parks, people like PBS KIDS and the Mexican wall, people like Mexicans.» Where is the lie, really?

Watch it all go down in the video below:

At any rate, all Cotton could tell Smith is that every American, regardless of «race or ethnicity or religious belief,» is «part of the fabric of America is that we are a melting pot and we are all one people.» Funny how he couldn’t cite a single one of Trump’s policies to reinforce these poignant words, which are irrelevant unless reflected in concrete policies. It’s difficult to believe President Trump values non-Christians and people of different backgrounds when he’s signing off on executive order after executive order trying to quite literally expel them from this country.

As if things couldn’t get more dramatic than a woke seven-year-old ripping the Trump administration a new one, in the video below, watch him ignore this one woman who outright asks Cotton if the GOP will commit to replacing Obamacare, you know, since so many Americans like her will «die, or lose their quality of life, or be otherwise unable to be participating citizens.»

In so many words, the Arkansan woman asked Cotton to comment as to whether or not he and the rest of the GOP lawmakers leading the crusade against Obamacare really cared if she and millions of other sick, low-income Americans lived or died.

His non-response spoke volumes.

This week has seen dozens of town halls become sites for outrage, confusion, and criticism of the Trump administration and Republican Congress. And as Republican lawmakers struggle to offer actual answers to anyone, it’s becoming increasingly clear that our livelihoods are in the hands of incompetent leaders who, like Cotton, appear apathetic to whether we live or die.


Vic Beasley Destroyed Martellus Bennett In The Madden 17 Super Bowl


Here’s a little Madden preview for the Super Bowl on Sunday: the Falcons are going to kick the shit out of the Patriots. Vic Beasley and Martellus Bennett played each other last night in “The Game Before The Game” Xbox One S event, which I’m pretty sure they do every year, and if the Madden world is anything close to real life, then the Dirty Birds are going to roll. Beasley smashed Bennett 41-11.

Martellus’ excuse is he hasn’t played the new game and when he used to play, he just threw the ball to himself.

I guess that’s a valid excuse. You can watch the full video below, the only better preview you’ll get before the game is when the Taiwanese Animators drop their video sometime this week.


Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

Open Post: Hosted By The Panda Bear That Destroyed His Snow-friend


Adorable panda creature Da Mao loves the snow. Good thing for him he lives in Toronto. The Toronto Zoo, to be specific! His keepers thought it would be fun to build him a snowy friend for him. The description for this video says that this was “for enrichment.” Guess what Da Mao really finds enriching? Destruction! Mr. Snow-friend lasted about a minute before Da Mao utterly destroyed him. It wasn’t intentional. He was just exploring! Snow people aren’t really built for big ole’ ursa majors to be jumping atop their heads to paw and claw. Next time maybe they should glue two of those big exercise balls together. Wait, no, claws pop things.

Check out Da Mao’s snowman demolition below.


JLo’s Homewrecking Lips Destroyed Skeletor’s Latest Marriage (Not Really)


Last night, Jennifer Lopez decided that she wanted to feel the cold and chilling touch of Skeletor’s lips again and so they kissed onstage at the Latin Grammy Awards. And today we find out that Marc Anthony’s marriage to his third wife Shannon De Lima is sinking to the bottom of the moat around Castle Grayskull after only 2 years of being married. JLo’s chocha reportedly doesn’t have anything to do with this break-up, but if it did, homewreckers would proclaim her their new Jedi homewrecking master for fucking up the marriage that came before and after hers. That takes skill!

E! News says that 48-year-old Marc and 28-year-old Shannon ended things recently and neither one of them has filed for divorce yet. Shannon first got on Skeletor’s dick bone in 2012, five months after he and JLo went their separate ways. They broke up in early 2013, but he must’ve decided that he wasn’t done sucking the youth out of her and she must’ve missed him muttering about taking He-Man down while sexing her, because they got back together in late 2014. They got married that year in the Dominican Republic.

Marc and Shannon never made any kids together. “Pheeeeew,” said Marc’s accountants.

Shannon wasn’t at the Latin Grammys last night and the last time they were seen together was in August. JLo’s manager Benny Medina is trying to stomp out the rumors before they spring up. Benny told TMZ that JLo and Marc are not back together.

Marc and Dayanara Torres got divorced in 2004 and he married JLo that same year. JLo and Marc got divorced in 2014 and he married Shannon that same year. Since it seems like Marc doesn’t divorce a trick until he’s got a new one lined up, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already romancing future wife #4. And tonight when he finishes sucking his liquid dinner out of his new piece’s veins, he’ll ask her to marry him and she’ll say yes right before she faints from weakness. Romance.



Orioles Gift David Ortiz the Dugout Phone He Destroyed

David Ortiz Phone

Back in 2013, David Ortiz put all MLB dugout phones on notice after he went ballistic in Camden Yards.

In case you somehow missed out on this iconic moment, Big Papi struck out swinging, got himself ejected and proceeded to hammer the phone in the visitor’s dugout with his bat. It really was a glorious moment:

Fast-forward three years and Ortiz is likely playing his last game at Camden Yards.

How did the O’s decide to honor him? By giving him that same phone as a memento!

Adam Jones had the glorious honor of presenting Ortiz the phone:

Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

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