Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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New York City’s Queen of Sex Moans!

This inspirational and important story is from last weekend, which means it’s centuries old in internet time, and I’ve been meaning to give her the HSOTD honor she deserves and earned, but well, other HSOTDs came around (see: Dodger Stadium’s flashin’ granny). But as philosophers like Aristotle and Plato have said: It’s never too late to slow clap for an always-horny Brooklyn goddess who constantly fucks the ears of her neighbors with the beam of orgasm sounds shooting out of her mouth while doing her younger piece.

In 2015, DNAinfo reported that one couple in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn earned the title of The Loudest Lovahs in NYC when records showed that neighbors made a total of six complaints to 311 about their moaning and groaning. The complaints were logged in between October 2015 and December 2015, and were usually made in the early morning hours. The couple was never named, but two years later, they have come (pun intended) forward to The New York Post. 49-year-old Olga Valerio and her 26-year-old boyfriend Byron Perez are taking the blame for filling their building up with their hump wails because she wants everyone to leave her 31-year-old daughter, Dahiana, alone.

But before we get to Dahiana, Olga and her man did a little photo shoot for the Post, and here’s a pic of her giving you natural ginger lioness and him looking a little scared and confused. And probably because he can’t hear the photographer’s instructions since his hearing has gotten messed up from her constant sex roars.

Dahiana was temporarily staying at her mother’s apartment when the story about Bay Ridge’s Sally Albright first broke, and she says everyone assumed she was doing Byron Perez and together they were keeping people up. Reporters and neighbors all thought it was Dahiana. The attention brought out the sleazy ass creeps who knocked on her door, and even one offered her thousands of dollars for sex.

Olga and Byron, who met in the building (he’s the handyman of the place), say that they had no idea how loud they were (uh huh), but that they used to bone with the window open. Once they found out that they were giving a fuck moans show that nobody wanted a ticket to, they started to close the window. Olga didn’t come forward at first, because she was afraid people would drag her for her age.

“It’s natural, it’s normal. I never thought that this would happen, but it happened. I didn’t know that we were doing it too loud!

I don’t feel old, but people start to talk, you know? I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in that kind of situation. At the beginning I was so embarrassed, but now I’m okay with it. I said, ‘If I need to tell the whole story, I’ll do it.’ I’m doing this for Dahiana.”

Nearly everyone I know who lives or lived in NYC has heard at least one neighbor get it on. It’s a way of life. In one apartment I lived in, I shared a bedroom wall with my neighbor and every now and again I’d hear him do it with his girlfriend. I never really heard her, but him…. If he was a tag on PornHub, he’d be “Verbal Daddy,” because he’d grunt, scream and breath all heavy-like and shit. He sounded like me trying to do one complete sit-up. I never thought to complain, because it was entertaining. But if it happened all the time, I’d 311, 911 and all the other 11s to say, “Yeah, my neighbor keeps reminding me that he’s getting laid much more than I am and that is an attack on me, so can you please arrest the motherfucker for that?

Pic: YouTube

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Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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Holly Maniatty, legendary concert ASL artiste!

This HSOTD is a long time coming and if I knew how to sign, “Dumb bitch, you’re late with this,” I’d sign it to myself in a mirror. Holly Maniatty of Newport, Vermont studied American Sign Language and interpreting at Rochester Institute of Technology and after graduating, she got a job with an interpreting company. The story goes that a job came up to interpret at a Marilyn Manson concert and none of her co-workers wanted to do it, so she took it, and after that, concerts became her speciality. Especially hip-hop shows. And a legend was born.

Holly has signed shows for the Beastie Boys, Jay-Z and the Tupac hologram at Coochella, but she became an ASL star (in other words, the Tommy Krångh of America) when a video of her nearly breaking her finger bones while signing during Wu-Tang’s set at Bonnaroo went viral. Slate did a profile on her after that and she said that she spends a giant amount of time researching each artist, their lyrics and what their style is. And after doing so many hip-hop shows, she now really knows hip-hop.

“There are lots of times people freestyle; you have to go with the moment. For some reason my brain is dialed into the hip-hop cadence and is able to process language really quickly.”

Holly is HSOTD today, because of this video from Waka Flocka Flame’s set at the Firefly Music Festival in Dover, Delaware. Holly was signing so damn hard that Waka probably realized that she was taking away all of the shine from him, so he figured, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Fozzie Bear’s favorite rapper hopped off stage and got into what Holly was serving (or in her case, signing). Holly is giving me badass and tall Rhea Perlman and I am into it.

And here’s the clip that made Holly a STAH!

And here’s Holly gracefully flowing with her hands for Snoop:

I don’t know how it’s possible that Holly doesn’t have Madonna circa 2009 arms, because my arms got sore just from watching her. Holly better have taken out a Mary Hart-like insurance policy on her arms for millions. And may the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame Museum be forced to shut down and close their doors forever if they don’t display a gold cast of Holly’s iconic hands.

Pic: YouTube

 

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Canada’s Glow-In-The-Dark Coin!

Just when I was beginning to think that cash and coins are truly a thing of the past like dinosaurs, beepers, Pogo Balls and not waking up to the President of the United States dragging someone on Twitter like a tweenage pop star stan, Canada has made coins relevant again!

Today is Canada Day, the day we temporarily forget that Canada infected the world with the incurable virus called Justin Bieber and instead thank them for all the endless gifts they have given us like Celine Dion, Justin Trudeau’s Disney prince facial expressions, Kraft Mac & Cheese and HGTV. Yes, HGTV is American, but without Canadians or Canada it’d have to change its name to the other BBC (The Basic Bitch Channel) because it’d be nothing but episodes of Flip or Flop and that Waco show.

To celebrate Canada’s 150th anniversary, the Royal Canadian Mint has a released a two-dollar coin that’s got a picture of the Northern Lights on it and glows in the dark. Canada’s glow-in-the-dark coin is not to be confused with my glow-in-the-dark coin slot (which glows due to radioactivity, of course). CBCNews says that Canada’s glown-in-the-dark toonie was designed by Dr. Timothy Hsia and his brother Stephen. They entered their design into a contest and the people voted it as the winner.

The Royal Canadian Mint is releasing 10 million of the coins. It lights up thanks to some luminescent ink. If you asked me, I’d tell you that Ryan Gosling’s abs or Sandra Rinomato should be on the glow-in-the-dark coin, but the Hsia brothers explained why they went with the Northern Lights.

“We thought to ourselves, ‘What would be a Canadian wonder that all Canadians from coast to coast to coast could appreciate?’ We came up with the idea of the northern lights because this is a light display that shines most gloriously in our skies and we wanted to create something simple [that would fit].”

 

Not only is my 6-year-old-self (who was obsessed with glow-in-the-dark shit) impressed, but so is my current day self. Now if Canada really wants to blow minds and become the official king of currency, they should release Hypercolor money.

Happy Canada Day, eh-veryone!

Pic: Royal Canadian Mint

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Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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Susanna Reid, the long-suffering morning show anchor who became a hero when she burned insufferable dick wart Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain!

Piers Morgan is not only the US editor-at-large of the highly-esteemed international literary journal The Daily Mail and professional Twitter troll, but he’s also been a main presenter on Good Morning Britain for a couple of years, alongside other presenters who wonder what they have done to deserve such an awful punishment. That includes Susanna Reid who earned many new fans (including me) and made the angels leap through the heavens with pure joy when she dissed Piers to his face.

During Good Morning Britain on Wednesday, the factory-defected enema spewed out a geyser of hypocrisy when he blabbered on about how family members constantly talk about politics on Facebook and he just wants them to shut up and post a picture of their kid. Susanna Reid represented the people when she rolled her eyes with her entire body and pretty much held up a mirror to Piers’ face when she said that she too wishes that certain fart holes would give the people around them a break from their stupid views. Here’s the clip that made many sing, “Oh what a beautiful moooooornin’!

Susanna and Piers’ love-hate-thing (mostly hate) is their schtick. But unlike Piers Morgan’s wife, I don’t think Susanna has to fake it too hard. As Jezebel points out, the site Joe.co.uk made a supercut of Susanna making a “please put me out of my misery” face whenever Piers spits out a dingle.

And even if she is turning up her hate for Piers for the sake of ratings, Susanna Reid still should be inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest internal scream in history.

Pic: @GMB

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Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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Madonna’s dad (as played by Danny Aiello) from the Papa Don’t Preach video!

On this Father’s Day, let’s pay tribute to the second most iconic dad from a pop star’s music video in the 80s (the first, of course, being Captain Lou from the Girls Just Want To Have Fun video)! The Papa Don’t Preach video was a dramatic and controversial after-school special about teenage pregnancy (yeah, I think Madge’s almost 30 ass was supposed to be a teenager) and Danny Aiello gave a stirring performance as the single father from Staten Island whose daughter repays him for the years he spent raising her by getting knocked up by dreamy-eyed trouble in a mechanic’s jumpsuit.

In between ten million shots of Madge walking around a lot while ~thinking~, we get scenes where the preaching papa takes care of young Madge, worries for young Madge’s future as she sleeps and then realizes years later that his fears have come true when he finds out she made a baby with Johnny Depp’s hot blue collar understudy (played by Alex McArthur). My favorite part of the video (besides the shots of Madge dancing in shapewear and the shots of James Dean Lite) is after the 4:25 mark when Papa gets into deep thought about being a grandpappy as Madge wonders what he’s thinking. Papa eventually decides to support Madge and it ends with a stop-motion hug. I’d like to think that after that scene ended, Papa said to Madge, “Okay, since you’re going to be a mom and your ass is almost thirty now, maybe it’s time to put those little girl bedroom curtains and that Pink Panther stuffed animal into storage.” I know, I don’t why he was acting all upset. He should’ve been happy that Madge’s almost 30 ass was finally moving out.

And I think the lesson to be learned in that video (and I’m sure it’s a lesson that Papa told young Madge) is that you should never trust a hot piece who tucks a sleeveless shirt into his jeans.

Happy Father’s Day to all the papas, step daddies, single moms, father figures, leather daddies and sugar daddies out there!

Pic: YouTube

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Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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Gavel, the police dog school drop out who was just too nice for the force!

Gavel, a German Shepherd from Queensland in Australia, comes from a family of police dogs and so he should have the hunger for catching criminals running through his doggy veins, but he doesn’t. When Gavel began his police dog training, the police department said that they expected him to be a regular Officer Stacy from T.J. Hooker, but Cadet Gavel turned out to be a character (and he’d be the best character) from Police Academy. Gavel is just too nice to be a police dog so he became a police dog flop.

The BBC says Gavel likes strangers and so if he was faced with an asshole with a gun, he’d probably wag his tail and throw “pet me pet me” eyes at the bitch. That didn’t work for the police department. Gavel shamed his family by flunking out of dog police academy. But Gavel didn’t have to sadly pack up his things and go off to the wilderness to find himself and figure out his place in life, because he quickly got the job he was meant to have.

Gavel was living at the official home of the Governor of Queensland as a foster and after he got an F in police dogging for being too sociable and cute, Governor Paul de Jersey gave him the job of Vice-Regal Dog in February. I didn’t know what that job was at first, but if it has “regal” in its title then it must be very important and very fancy. It is! Vice-Regal Gavel is basically a greeter and welcomes guests into Queensland’s Government House in Brisbane while wearing fancy clothes.

The office of Governor de Paul said this about their new VRD.

“He has outgrown four ceremonial coats, undergone a career change (his official title is now Gavel VRD, ‘Vice-Regal Dog’), and brought untold joy to the lives of the governor, Mrs de Jersey, Government House staff, and the thousands of Queenslanders who have since visited the estate.”

So Gavel got a Pixar-like happy ending, but don’t let his title as social director and his fancy uniform fool you. I bet that if anyone tried to fuck with the Governor or anyone at the Governor’s house, Gavel will immediately take care of that bitch. And by that I mean, Gavel will stun and paralyze the evil doer with doggy kisses and sweetness.

Pic: Facebook

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Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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Billina, Dorothy’s talking chicken who saves EVERYONE in Return to Oz!

Toto is the friend (and pet) of Dorothy who gets all of the attention, and yes, he sometimes proves that he’s not just a pretty face. But did Toto lay an egg that was used to destroy the evil monsters who were trying to get at Dorothy? I think not.

Billina is one of Dorothy’s pets from Kansas and she was originally named “Bill,” because when she first hatched, no one knew if she was going to be a lady chicken or a dude chicken. L. Frank Baum’s acid trip facotry of a brain decided that for the third book, Ozma of Oz, in the Oz series, Dorothy needed the help of a talking chicken.

Billina made her book debut in Ozma of Oz, and she made her feature film debut in 1985’s Return to Oz, the creepy fuckery-filled masterpiece that made parents wonder if they were having another LSD flashback and made kids wonder if they’d ever sleep again. In Return to Oz, an Emo Dorothy gets sent to the looney bin and right before an evil psychiatrist is about to really mess her up with electroshock therapy, a storm hits and she escapes and ends up in a chicken coop. Dorothy wakes up with Billina by her side and Billina can magically talk (voice artiste Denise Bryer did the voice for Billina). Dorothy is back in Oz and replacing Toto as her sidekick is Billina. Billina was already a sassy bitch when she couldn’t talk human, and she really becomes a sassy bitch when she gets a human voice. It’s as if a character from Mama’s Family was transformed into an animatronic chicken.

To make a long weird, jacked-up story short, Billina helps to destroy the Nomes, who have been instructed by the Nome King to get Dorothy. Chicken eggs are a Nomes kryptonite, so Billina lays an egg and it ends up in the Nome King’s mouth, which causes his demise. Vegans truly don’t have shit on the Nomes.

Dorothy goes back to Kansas, but Billina ends up staying in Oz. She shows up in several other Oz books. If Hollywood ever decides to reboot Return to Oz (which they will since they hate us), I will be one hundred percent okay with it as long as they cast the only actress capable of taking on the important role of Billina. I’m talking about the one and only Chicken Cutlets, of course!

Pic: Walt Disney Pictures/Biff Bam Pop! (For Lahoma)

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Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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The pole that fucked with an angry man’s tirade against a damn driver!

Honestly, I wasn’t sure who the true HSOTD was in this video. I almost went with the pepaw, because one day, we’ll all be “old man yells at cloud” (or in this case, “old man yells at car”). Then I almost went with the dog, because well, it’s a dog and pooch deserves some recognition for not letting out a tornado of HAHAHAs after its human ate pole. But I’m going with the pole, because if it wasn’t for it, this video would’ve never ever reached VIRAL STAR STATUS!

Chris Smith was driving along the streets of Adelaide, South Australia when he drove up to a red light. Chris’ dashcam caught a pissed off man with a dog who thought he was driving up too fast and let that trick know by throwing the international sign for, “You goddamn motherfuckin’ stupid piece of shit youngin’ hooligan!”  But as he walked off, a pole ruined his melodramatic angry exit by existing. Chris Smith’s rival-of-the-minute kissed the pole with his face and that only filled his veins with more piping hot rage. The Australian Grampa Simpson should’ve cursed out that damn pole for being in his way, but he went off on Chris instead.

I’m firmly on Team Mad Pepaw In The Red Hat. Fuck Chris the Driver for driving. Fuck the car for being a car. Fuck today’s HSOTD for being a pole. Fuck them all. Get off that pepaw’s lawn street!

Pic: YouTube

 

 

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Hot Slut Of The Day! 

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The beautiful and magnificent “Bitch, WHATEVER” eye roll that The Silver Fox delivered as Kellyanne Conway dribbled out a stream of backtracking bullshit last night. I know that foxes aren’t in the feline family, but in that screen shot, he looks like a Siamese Cat who is completely over your shit.

After Donald Trump conjured up another shit storm of craziness by firing FBI Director James Comey on a Tuesday (even an HR intern on the first day of the job knows you should do it on a Friday), a member of  Trump’s staff grabbed a torch and headed down to the darkest part of the dungeon under the White House to awaken Kellyanne Conway by saying “Bowling Green” three times really fast. Kellyanne went on CNN last night to talk about the Comey firing and her appearance started off yet another episode of: How The Fuck Is Kellyanne Going To Explain This One?

Since Trump’s reason for firing Comey had to do with the handling of the Hillary Clinton e-mail drama, Anderson rolled that beautiful bean footage from the campaign trail of Trump repeatedly patting Comey on the taint for doing such a good job with that e-mail shit. Kellyanne smirked at the beginning of the supercut of Trump praising Comey and when it finished, Anderson asked her to explain that 180 and she served up a slice of salty bitchiness by saying, “Thanks for the trip down memory lane. I was on your show often last fall saying we were going to win Michigan and how we were going to do it, so that was fun…” That punched the button that operates Anderson’s eye rolling strings and he let it go. Add this to the long, long list of reasons for why Andy Cohen should still host a post-election Real Housewives-style reunion special.

Many times, I find myself screaming, “Show those teeth and growl at a trick!”, at The Silver Fox because I think he goes too easy on a guest, but every part of me appreciated the international symbol for, “Girl, please,” he rolled out last night. Let’s go in for the close-up. I’ve been waiting for this!

The truth is, Anderson’s eyeballs should’ve already filed a workers comp claim against him for the bruising and soreness they’ve suffered through from him rolling them several times a night, but this is a start. Keep those eye rolls coming, Silver Fox!

Pic: CNN

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