There are times for eloquent prose, spirited debates, or extensive dialogue. This is not one of those times. This is a time for a single gif. The King of All Gifs, if you will. Maybe some photos as well. But mostly just the gif.
BEHOLD YE MORTALS, YE LESSER BEINGS, AND WEEP AT YOUR MEDIOCRITY:
OK. Fine. Some background. You might remember him from Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion or Zoolander or Alias, or Parks and Recreation, or The Girl on the Train. Oh, right, also The Leftovers. And lots of other things. But you’re not even reading this, are you? I don’t blame you.
Hey boo, haaayyy:
He is very good at itching his neck after a haircut:
He can rock a leather jacket like the baddest motherfucker in town:
He’s an expert doggo snuggler:
He’s proficient in the use of, uhm, let’s go with exercise equipment:
He’s also an expert lounger:
He does damn fine Bond cosplay:
He’ll pull you up when you are down, girl:
He is the perfect representation of TDH (tall, dark, and handsome):
Once more, from a different angle, because I love you and want you to have nice things:
Ursula lives in Chicago and likes potatoes very much. You can follow her here.
I look around I look around and I see this year’s Pajiba 10 already brimming with quite ridiculous levels of lion-moistening hotness. The wit and fire of Briga Heelan; the inhuman smoulder of Jason Momoa—what could I possibly be asking you to consider placing alongside those?
Motherfucking socialism, that’s what, son!
Now, I know what you’re thinking, or I can at least take an educated guess. It’ll be something along the lines of:
‘What’re you on about, Knava? The Pajiba 10 is a ritual objectification of celebrities, not abstract political concepts. Why do you defile the ritual, you commie infiltrator?!’
Fair point, well made. But really, this contest is all about desirability. And I don’t know if you noticed, but socialism? She’s like so hot right now. Everybody wants to be seen with her. Because after four decades of the tightening noose of neoliberalism Western societies are realising that perhaps the line we have been sold about the necessity of deregulation and the primacy of capital is actually just a steaming pile of Kushner. The public are waking up, and they are angry and horny for change.
Look: The United States of America got so sick with neoliberal fever that it got to a point that a racist and misogynistic clown businessman ended up as its supreme leader. The French saw off a rising neo-fascist infection, albeit by electing to stick a neoliberal band-aid on a gangrenous foot and hoping that that would solve the underlying problem. It won’t. And over here in Britain, a brief temperature check shows us that the body’s white blood cells are rapidly, though belatedly, kicking into action in an effort to reverse the worse of the damage that has been done.
Socialism is the hot nurse making sure you’re okay as you wake up in the bed, confused and disoriented. You have been out for years; dozing under the Grima Wormtongue-like spell of Milton Freedman. She has the cure for what ails you. I’ve been calling her ‘she’, but that’s just for ease of writing; socialism has no one gender. It is, as a matter of fact, of all genders, because it is all of us. You remember how hot that Sense8 orgy shit was?
No barriers of colour, sex, gender, creed, religion, or sexuality; just a desire to look out for others and to make sure that they’re ok—mmm, socialism.
Representative, progressive taxation designed to fund national infrastructure that is used to give everyone a fair shot, no matter what their initial station in life?
Free, universal education and healthcare ensuring that no one is left wanting for two of the most fundamental needs in this world?
A unionised workforce granting its constituent members the power of collective bargaining in its dealings with the bosses and making sure that those whose labour creates wealth actually get to reap the benefits of it?
A non-imperialist foreign policy built around dialogue and mutual co-operation?
A deep and instinctive, policy-backed understanding that a true measure of a society is how it treats its weakest and most vulnerable and that the strongest and most powerful should be expected to pay their fair share?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, get ready for the sexiest goddamned novel you’ll ever read.
Jason Momoa will soon make ladies swoon and fish fight evil when he appears in Justice League this fall. After that, he’ll get his own Aquaman movie and, Cthulu willing, a plethora of additional movies.
I know that I was first introduced to the perfection of Momoa when he portrayed Khal Drogo on the first season of Game of Thrones. His body, his intensity, and his smoldering looks were more than enough to send me off to Google.
There I would learn that he had appeared on Baywatch and that he is married to the very lucky Lisa Bonet.
He’s directed short films and the most recent one is a sweet love letter to fatherhood.
Here is the first short film:
Seriously, if Momoa doesn’t do it for you, there’s nothing else I can say. I can, however, bombard you with photos to change the tingle in your pants.
Today we begin the most wonderful season of the year, a time when Pajiba’s feminist hug box gets randy, when we stop respecting our celebrities and we start objectifying them. But as it is the Pajiba way, so often our respect (boo!) for certain celebrities goes hand-in-hand with our objectification.
Briefly, for the unfamiliar: The Pajiba 10 — now entering its 11th year — is our annual «Hotties» list, although our criteria generally differs from what you might expect from most publications. There are no George Clooneys or Brad Pitts on our list (although, a Chris does surface from time to time); rather, our sexual predilections lean toward the geeky and brilliant. Tina Fey, for instance, is a Hall of Fame member. John Oliver placed atop our list a couple of years back. We often see the likes of Sam Bee, John Cho, Samira Wiley, Rahul Kohli, Lin-Manuel Miranda, David Tennant, or Jessica Williams.
Voting is done entirely by our readership. Voting will begin in less than two weeks. Leading up to the votes, however, the staff does enjoy putting together For Your Consideration posts, which you’ll be seeing a lot of over the next two weeks, as we attempt to influence your vote.
Today, we kick off things with an FYC for Briga Heelan, currently the star of an under-the-radar NBC sitcom, Great News, which comes from producers Tina Fey and Robert Carlock and creator Tracey Wigfield, a 30 Rock protege who also worked on The Mindy Project. Great News, loosely based the relationship between Wigfield and her own mom, takes place behind the scenes of a struggling cable news show, and has a lot in common with the comic sensibility of 30 Rock. Some of you may remember that 30 Rock didn’t have a great first season before it found its legs in the second season; Great News had a better first season, which speaks to the boundless possibilities of the sitcom in its second season and beyond. It’s very good, and it may very well help resurrect NBC’s sitcom fortunes.
Much of the appeal is in its lead, Briga Heelan. She is warm, acerbic, funny, and absolutely gorgeous. She first came to my attention several years ago on Cougar Town as Holly, the one-time lover of Grayson and the mother of their child together, Tampa.
Clearly, Cougar Town exec producer Bill Lawrence took a liking to Heelan, because he made her the co-lead in another under-the-radar sitcom called Ground Floor, a terrific little show that helped TBS launch a series of increasingly excellent original sitcoms.
She attended the Walnut School for the Arts (Hey! I have a friend who runs their music program!) and, briefly, the Cincinnati Conservatory of Music, so she can sing, too, which she illustrated on Ground Floor with her co-star Skylar Astin (Pitch Perfect) in a really sweet scene in the Anna Camp episode:
Lawrence liked her so much that Heelan also pulled double duty, playing a recurring role in Lawrence’s NBC sitcom, Undateable, which was mostly unwatchable except when Briga Heelan was around.
Heelan has also made appearances on Pajiba favorites Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Happy Endings, as well as an arc on the second season of Netflix’s Love (I didn’t care for the first season, but knowing that Heelan is in the second means that I will eventually force myself to watch).
Heelan is also married to her Ground Floor co-star Rene Gube. They’re adorable.