Robin Thicke Is Having A Baby With Barely Legal Girlfriend April Love Geary

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Repugnant papa Robin Thicke is about to be a parent again. Robin’s been out of the headlines for a minute after grossing us all out for months during his divorce and extra messy custody battle with Paula Patton. During those early, heady days of 2017, Robin and Paula had all their business up in our grills. Allegations of child abuse, spousal abuse, drug abuse and abuses against common decency were all flung in Robin’s direction, yet his girlfriend April Love Geary still thought it would be a good idea to seal the deal with Robin by putting a Thicke fetus up in her.

TMZ Reports:

Robin Thicke is about to be a father again, with a girlfriend who is barely able to legally drink. 22-year-old April Love Geary is 3 months pregnant with a girl. The baby is due March 1. 40-year-old Robin has been dating April for 3 years…shortly after his wife, Paula Patton, filed for divorce.

I’m no math whiz, but that means nasty ass Robin has been dating April since she was 19 years old. Yuck, what kind of girl gets involved with an elderly douchecanoe like Robin Thicke? This kind I guess.

I've got the blues

A post shared by April Love Geary (@aprillovegeary) on

Robin must still be rolling in that Blurred Lines money even after being found guilty of ripping off Marvin Gaye for that fuckery of a song. But, I honestly ain’t mad at April. Take note Amber Heard, April is teaching a master class in gold digging. She’s got a pick axe, old-timey overalls, a greasy mustache, speaks authentic frontier gibberish and is putting in the work!

TMZ adds:

Robin and Paula are still not divorced, and they have had an on-and-off custody war over their 7-year-old son, Julian. By the way, we’re told Robin and April told Julian this week and he’s “super excited for a little sister.”

March 1 would have been Alan Thicke’s 70th birthday.

Nice touch reminding every body that her baby will be a legacy baby. Who cares if it’s a legacy of sleaziness as long as those sweet syndication checks keep coming through.

On an mostly related note, I would like to take just a moment to appreciate TMZ’s super sweaty headline for their article about this. It reads: Blurred Sonogram Lines April’s Pregnant With A Girl. Oh, TMZ, you scamp! You can always count on TMZ. Personally, I might instead have tried something like: Thicke’s Trick About to Get Thick With Help From Thicke’s Dick.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Who Is Cersei’s Baby Daddy on Game of Thrones? An Investigation

The following contains spoilers for Game of Thrones season seven.

We always go into episodes of Game of Thrones expecting some weirdness, but even we were thrown for a loop when Cersei Lannister casually announces her pregnancy halfway through season seven. Um, what? Between building dragon arrows and torturing her enemies to death, when did she even have time to conceive a child? Sure, this season’s timeline has been weird, but we’re unsure whether it’s been long enough for Cersei to discover an unplanned pregnancy.

The news also perturbed us because, as weird as their romance is, Cersei and Jaime have spent plenty of time apart during the seventh season. They’ve definitely had some time together, but he has also gone off to fight in two different battles in season seven, too. Could the baby be somebody else’s, or even not exist at all? Or perhaps their timing was just right.

To uncover the truth about Cersei’s baby daddy — and what a pregnancy could mean for her fate — we took a page out of Maury‘s book. Let’s play a game of «Who got Cersei pregnant?»!

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Open Post: Hosted By Judge Judy And The Case Of Good Boy Baby Boy

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Everybody knows that dogs are shady as fuck. My dog Professor Owen (RIP) used to pull some real cold-blooded shit on me. He had selective hearing and would ghost me at the dog park all the time. He humped legs, even worse, he once humped a young boy who was on his hands and knees playing. He stole a hot dog from a child’s hand and horked it down in seconds. He somehow managed to get up on the dining room table and eat an entire pecan pie which I was planning on eating as my post Thanksgiving breakfast pie. He’d eat cat shit and then lick your face. Once he disappeared and I found him on my neighbors ROOF looking for a damn squirrel. He was a real asshole and I loved him to bits.

I would hate to see Owen put through the test that Judge Judy puts a seemingly good dog Baby Boy through, in the clip below.

At first I thought it was going to be some kind of Kramer vs. Kramer test where Baby Boy would have to choose which of his parents he wants to live with. Thankfully that’s not the case. According to People:

The woman in possession of Baby Boy insists she legally bought the dog from someone selling the pet on the street. The other individual claims that he was Baby Boy’s owner before this sale, and that the pup was taken from him and sold to the dog’s current owner without his knowledge. He understandably wants Baby Boy back.

Baby Boy exhibited no hesitation in showing his rightful owner some love. I have to admit, I squirted out some salty eye juice (Sorry, Michael K. Oh wait, you can’t read this anyway, NM) when I saw how happy Baby Boy and his papa were to be reunited. Owen would probably have waltzed into the courtroom, run right past me and over to Judy and tinkled on her robe, because that’s just the kind of asshole he was. I loved that little fucker. He was a bad doggy, but he was a good boy, know what I mean?

Pic: YouTube

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How Nikki and Ian’s Baby Name Is Connected to 1 of Her Twilight Movies

Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed welcomed their first child, a baby girl, on July 25, and named their little one Bodhi Soleil Reed Somerhalder. Not only does the name translate to «awakening sun,» but Nikki recently revealed to Fit Pregnancy magazine that she found out she was expecting after taking a test «before dawn.» The connections are not lost on us: Awakening sun! Before dawn! And, hey — Nikki also starred in Twilight: Breaking Dawn! See more stars who became fathers this year.

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Nikki Reed And Ian Somerhalder Plan 30 Days Of Silence After Their Baby Is Born

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Did your parents ever make you play the game How Long Can You Go Without Saying A Word? My mom used to pull that shit on me all the time when I was a kid. I was terrible at it and never lasted more than one minute.

Hopefully Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder are better at it than I was, because part of their birth plan includes 30 days of silence once their baby is born. It’s one of the myriad woo-woo pregnancy tidbits Nikki revealed in a recent Fit Pregnancy interview.

Fit Pregnancy reports:

“We’ll take the baby’s first month for ourselves. After the baby arrives, we’re doing one month of silence. Just the three of us, no visitors, and we’re turning off our phones too, so there’s no expectation for us to communicate. Otherwise, every five minutes it would be, ‘How are you feeling? Can we have a picture?’ You don’t get those first 30 days back, and we want to be fully present.”

She’s probably picturing blissful exchanges of tender smiles, padding around barefoot on reclaimed wood floors while clean linens blow gently in the breeze on the lanai, baby swaddled and silent in the loving embrace of his mommy and daddy. What I’m picturing, is a squalling infant, frantic miming about shitty diapers, flipped birds and the eventual screaming match between mommy and daddy at about the 2 day mark.

But what do I know, Nikki is clearly a superior being and we average, every day garbage people can only hope to achieve the balance and purity that Nikki processes. In the interview, Nikki takes “smug pregnant lady” to a whole new level. She combines it with her new-age hippy dippy lifestyle, to let us all know we’ve been doing it wrong for eons. Here’s Nikki on why you are a lazy cow:

“Ian jokes that he wants to keep me pregnant forever. I’m a very driven person with lots of energy. I can run multiple companies, read four books at once, and take a conference call while cooking dinner. But pregnant, I’m a better version of myself. I’m really chill and relaxed, which I think is the greatest blessing.”

Four books at once?! Was she an octopus before she got pregnant? I read magazines when I poop and I have to take drugs and alcohol to achieve chill and relaxed. Maybe Nikki has a non-chemical method for me to achieve zen. Oh, she does? Great, let’s hear it.

“I realize I may sound like the crunchiest person in the world, but once a month I go to a studio for a sound bath. The idea is to meditate while listening to the vibrations of big bowls. Everyone else in the room has a quiet, introspective moment, and I lie there trying not to laugh, because it’s party time in my belly. The baby moves around so much!”

Yes, I read it as “bowels” too. I thought that’s what she was referring to when she said she had a party in her tummy! Anyhow, I’m going to have to take a pass on the sound bath. It seems like a drag. What about diet, maybe Nikki can help me there. Nikki?

“For the past eight years I’ve been a plant-based eater. Carbs are a huge staple of my diet and I try to be conscious of my intake, like, ‘Maybe you don’t want another stack of toast, since you’ve already had six pieces.’ Right now I really love cashew-based chocolate ice cream!”

Fuck toast. You can have all the plant based carbs you want and you choose fucking toast?! I bet she eats it dry too. Somebody needs to explain to this woman what a french fry is.

I can’t believe she has pregnancy shamed me and I’m not even pregnant! I’m really looking forward to Nikki and Ian’s silent time with their newborn. I think us lower level, carbon based beings could use a break from hearing about how lazy and disgusting we are.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Former Trump Staffers Engage in Heated Baby Drama in Tabloids, Twitter

You guys remember Jason Miller? Skeezy dude who was a senior communications advisor to the President during the campaign and was eventually named the White House Communications Director during the transition. However, Miller had to withdraw from that position during the transition because of some personal issues, namely that he impregnated another Trump staffer, A.J. Delgado, while his own wife was pregnant (it should also be noted that Miller reportedly had sex with Delgado after visiting a Vegas strip club the night before Trump’s final Presidential debate with Hillary Clinton, although Delgado denies this).

Anyway, Miller’s child with his wife was born in January. Last month, his child with the woman he slept with after reportedly visiting a strip club in Vegas was born. According to Page 6, Miller and his wife were excited about the baby’s arrival:

Miller confirmed the birth of his child with Delgado and said his wife, astonishingly, had accepted the news. Miller said in a statement to Page Six, «My wife and I, along with our two daughters, are excited to welcome William into the world and into our family, and we appreciate the well wishes we’ve received from so many.»

Huh.

This actually came as news to A.J. Delgado, who — back in January — congratulated Miller on the arrival of his new son by calling him the 2016 version of John Edwards.

Last night, Delgado also took issue with the Page Six report or even any suggestion that Miller and his wife were excited about the arrival of Miller and Delgado’s baby.

I guess that Page 6 didn’t really get the whole story, so Delgado now plans to tell her side to The Atlantic, so this drama will not end anytime soon.

Two years ago, this story would have dominated the news cycle for a couple of days. Now? It’s a blip. But at least it’s a blip that doesn’t put us in danger of a nuclear war.

In other news, I hate Jason Miller’s scrawny, overly trimmed goatee. Just grow a beard, man. That goatee is too damn small for your face.

via WashPo

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Serena Says Popping Out A Baby Makes Her A “Real” Woman

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Someone better go check and see if Gloria Steinem is still standing. Serena Williams is having a baby with fiancé/Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian. Rather than wait and do one of those “Ask Me Anything” sessions on her piece’s website, she blabbed to an Irish magazine about how she doesn’t like watching birthing videos. She also said pregnancy takes her up a notch in the woman caste.

“I have so much respect for so many women [for giving birth]. I am about to be a real woman now, you know? It’s going to be something incredibly impressive to go through.”

Oooo, child, good luck in that next doubles match with sister Venus Williams. She doesn’t have any kids, so I’m sure she’s going to take her fake woman tennis racket and pop you over the head with it!

The Grapevine is out saying the feminist hornet’s nest has been thwacked by Serena, even though she has identified as a feminist in the past. Oh, and the whole breaking down barriers for women in sports, being vocal about equal pay and women’s rights, and arguably being the G.O.A.T. Sorry, Tom Brady, I know that’s blasphemy.

AOL (does it still say “You’ve got mail”?!) had the fan reaction. Girl better do another video with Beyoncé to throw these people off her scent:

Listen, let’s just all calm down. Huss is pregnant, and pregnant women do some shady shit, but we give them a hall pass… out of fear. My mom apparently stood around in the kitchen in a muumuu eating a Costco-sized jar of jalapeños watching Oprah when she was pregg-o with my eggo, and my dad knew better than to ever question it, lest he wind up getting kicked back to the Italian homeland!

Pic: Wenn.com

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Surprise! Andy Samberg And His Wife Had A Secret Baby

2015 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter

…and Beyoncé is somewhere pissed that she didn’t think of this maternity strategy first! Us Weekly says Andy Samberg and his wife, Joanna Newsom, secretly had a baby girl and only just announced it. They have been married since 2013 and dated for five years before that, making them a damn unicorn among the typical attention-seeking hos in Hollywood with a case of the wandering peen or wayward puss. They’ve also apparently been public in the past about baby on the brain. Andy told reporters at a Fox All-Star party in 2016, “I love babies. I would love a baby someday.” Only, he forgot to add in “…and I won’t be telling you bunch of narks as to what day that will be!

I’m sure their PR reps and agents are hitting happy hour extra hard this afternoon. No “Second Trimester Misery!” tabloid covers?! No bidding war for baby photos?! No ten-centimeters dilated pap stroll on your way into Cedars Sinai?! How the hell is a PR flunky supposed to earn some Christmas cash without those commission streams?!

Pic: Wenn.com

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This Baby Bachelor in Paradise Spoof Will Make You Laugh For All the Wrong Reasons

Jimmy Kimmel is known for his intense love of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor in Paradise. The late-night host is so into the dating «reality» show that he usually has the couples come on his show during their whirlwind press tour following the final rose. But this week he decided to take things even further by creating his own show spinoff, Baby Bachelor in Paradise, ahead of the real reality show’s season four premiere, and it’s hilarious. Not only does the adorable cast feature signature Bachelor Nation personalities, including «the crazy one,» but their professions are also enough to make you choke with laughter. For example, Alex, a 50-month-old vape shop owner, recently got out of prison for setting fire to a meth lab. We promise you won’t regret pressing play.

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Serena Williams Traveled Back to the ’50s For Her Epic Baby Shower Celebration

Serena Williams threw a retro-themed baby shower celebration, because she’s just that cool. The world-renowned tennis player, who announced her pregnancy with fiancé Alexis Ohanian earlier this year, partied like it was the 1950s with her sister Venus and her best girl pals Kelly Rowland, Ciara, Lala Anthony, Eva Longoria, and Angie Beyince. Serena also gave a tiny glimpse of her growing baby bump while rocking a black long-sleeved crop top and a yellow A-line skirt. The Wimbledon champion finished her ’50s-inspired look with a red kerchief and white pearls. Check out all the best photos from the adorable day ahead!

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