Watch Kyle Schwarber Commit Two Awful Errors On the Same Play

Is having Kyle Schwarber’s bat in the lineup worth dealing with his terrible outfield defense? That will be one of the major topics heading into Game 4 after Schwarber wowed us all with his putrid handling of a routine fly ball off the bat of Daniel Murphy.

I know Cubs fans love Schwarber, but if I’m Theo Epstein I’m shipping his ass to the AL this offseason after these two horrible errors committed on the same play:

You probably won’t be shocked to learn that multiple errors on the same play are kinda Schwarber’s thing:

4th worst in left this season!

Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

‘DuckTales’ Premiere: Everything Is Awful, Let’s Move To Duckburg

There was a moment in Saturday’s DuckTales premiere that spoke to me. Donald Duck is all dressed up and sitting in a lobby, waiting for a job interview. He’s got pages in his hands (an application, or a resume? who knows!), and he attempts to staple them. The stapler doesn’t work, so he gets agitated, in that uniquely Donald Duck fashion. You know, with the angry quacking and the arm-flailing. And eventually he gets so worked up that he manages to staple himself to the wall.

I felt like Donald Duck all weekend. Just jumping on chairs, flapping my arms and frantically quacking into the ether. I am a useless volcano of rage.

Point is, I needed the return of DuckTales more than I realized. And while a fucking cartoon is nothing compared to the racism and domestic terrorism we witnessed over the weekend, I’m still going to thank the Disney corporate overlords for giving us something to balm our bruised souls. We’d been waiting for months, and it came at the perfect time.

So what’s the verdict? Is the reboot everything fans of the original could have hoped for, or was it just riding the wave of the insane voice cast? It’s both! Look, there was no way the cast would be a letdown, unless they all decided to record their lines after getting their wisdom teeth removed. David Tennant doesn’t just leverage his natural Scottish accent as Scrooge McDuck, he practically purrs. And let’s be honest — the man has a knack for injecting charm into the role of an old wandering adventurer. Danny Pudi, Ben Schwartz, and Bobby Moynihan bring their own distinct shades to Huey, Dewey, and Louie — and for once you won’t have to rely on their shirt colors to tell them apart. Kate Micucci helps transform Webby into the surprise backbone of the group: capable, intelligent, completely earnest, and a little awkward. And while Toks Olagundoye and Beck Bennett don’t get as much time to shine as Mrs. Beakley and Launchpad McQuack, respectively, they are already positioned to be the perfect comedic foils: Beakley for her no-nonsense dedication (and insistence that she is NOT Scrooge’s secretary), and Launchpad for his optimistic claims that he is a pilot (despite never seeming to drive anything terribly well).

However, these may not be the exact characters you remember from the old days. Scrooge is still capable of some nastiness, but so far he doesn’t seem to be driven by his iconic need to accumulate more gold for his Money Bin. This time around, his goal is simply to reclaim the adrenaline-fueled adventures of his youth — and if treasure just happens to fall into his lap along the way, well at least he knows where to store it. Donald Duck is poised to be more of a permanent fixture in the proceedings, as he moves into Scrooge’s mansion along with the boys by the end of the premiere. He also may prove to be the voice of reason (?!?!?!), provided you can understand what he’s saying. In fact, the whole family dynamic looks like it will be deepened and explored, thanks to core mystery surrounding the past adventures that Scrooge shared with Donald and his sister (the mother of Huey, Dewey, and Louie), which led to some sort of falling out. And, presumably, may explain why Donald is now in charge of his nephews.

Considering the show was always about a rascally set of triplets who go off to stay with their rich great-uncle, the best change may simply be the effort the writers have invested in making the boys stand out from each other. Sure, the voice talent helps, but the actors are really just perfectly cast for the distinct roles they play. Pudi’s Huey is the by-the-books Boy Scout, who is always prepared. Schwartz’s Dewey is being set up as the mini-Scrooge, all gung-ho derring-do. And Moynihan’s Louie, despite being tagged by his brothers as the evil one, seems like the easygoing optimist of the crew. Together they are troublemakers, but they aren’t one indistinguishable unit. And the premiere lays out just why the family is coming together — basically, to give the boys the chance to learn how to get themselves OUT of trouble from their great-uncle Scrooge.

The plot of the premiere covers the introductions and then gives us a taste of the sort of adventures we’ll be able to expect when the series returns next month — namely, they go to Atlantis. And it features the sorts of humor and hijinx you’d expect, while also establishing the characters and their world. What surprised me was that, as a person who grew up watching the original cartoon, I was primed to enjoy this show — but it still went above and beyond to make me care about this ITERATION of the show. It wasn’t just the comfort of returning to a long lost element of my youth. It was the joy of discovering something new that felt like home.

Look, don’t get me wrong — this is absolutely a children’s cartoon. It’s not exactly Mad Men, or Proust, or even Hamilton (where were you, Lin-Manuel?!). And yet, I am an adult who will definitely be watching this cartoon for the foreseeable future. Because I have zero shame.


Trump’s Adult Children, Ranked From Least to Most Awful

They’re all awful, let’s be honest. Ranking Donald Trump’s four adult children is a futile task where we must scramble desperately for slivers of something resembling character in order to differentiate between a group of brats most of us would mutiny against in a heartbeat. That wasn’t always the case. For a solid decade and more, Trump’s kids with his first wife were lucky enough to simultaneously enjoy the benefits of the family name and social standing while reaping the positivity garnered onto them by a sympathetic liberal press. Yeah, their dad may suck and one of them may look like a Clive Barker creation, but they’re not their dad and so people can like them. Now, that’s obviously gone the way of the dodo and American democracy. The man who fostered support from the «family values» hypocrites surrounded himself with his five children from three different mothers and pretended any positive qualities they possessed were down to his stellar parenting. As we’ve seen this week, that’s not ending well.

As the Trump administration morphs into a family enterprise, further scrutiny has fallen upon their business practices, tweeting and general auras. For all their talk of sitting out of politics and standing on their own two feet, it’s clear that the apple does not fall far from the tree. As such, it is our duty to offer the authoritative ranking of Donald Trump’s adult children from least to most awful, because in this contest there is no such thing as good.

For obvious reasons, we’re not counting Barron Trump. That kid has enough to worry about.

1 — Tiffany Trump.

It’s easy to project a lot onto poor Tiffany Trump. The President’s only daughter with Marla Maples was defined from the earliest point in her life as the also-ran to her older sister. In an interview dug up by The Daily Show following her birth, Trump and Maples are asked who the baby looks most like. Trump immediately says she, a newborn, has his wife’s legs but it’s too early to say if she’ll develop other qualities, and then he motions to the chest area.

Given that she is named after the actual Tiffany & Company because her dad had bought the air rights above the store on Fifth Avenue, it’s easy to come to the conclusion that Trump views her more as a product than a child. He also didn’t seem to be that involved in her life, which is probably for the best, and she’s been kept to the sidelines of the Trump Presidential life while she attends Georgetown Law School. If her dad hadn’t become the most powerful cinnamon bomb on the planet, most of us would probably just see Tiffany as a typical rich girl with a splashy Instagram page and an easy path for the next few decades aided by the family name. She even tried to become a singer and interned at Vogue.

Yet now, Tiffany Trump almost seems unruly. Her father barely mentions her in family discussions, she doesn’t work with him and her presence on the campaign trail was limited. Her RNC speech, the first time many people discovered who she was, was defined by its overwhelming aura of sadness. She didn’t talk like a doting daughter and her experiences with the rotting sponge who didn’t really raise her felt like an alien describing human contact. What was intended to humanise Trump simply emphasised his callousness to millions (but sadly not millions enough).

Spinning stories of Tiffany’s life, imagining her as The Good Trump and hoping she goes AWOL one day, are easy to fantasise about, and they provide an odd form of catharsis. We may never know the truth about her, which is probably for the best, because when up against her siblings, she easily comes out on top.

2 — Eric Trump.

Who would have thought that the Trump brother who looked like a Cenobite would be the least awful of the pair? I’m just saying, if you go into Trump Tower and discover a puzzle box on top of a bloody mattress, start praying for your immortal soul.

But make no mistake, Eric Trump is pretty despicable. He’s that potent mix of deplorable, utterly clueless and intensely creepy. As his father’s most vocal family spokesperson on the Fox News circuit, it’s up to Eric to condemn the sickening hatred of Washington he in no way contributes to, all while declaring that Democrats aren’t even people. He does this while cloaking himself in the bastion of decency that is his shoddy charity. The Eric Trump Foundation raises funds for St Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Tennessee. He claimed that the genius of his philanthropy was in the efficiency his privilege offered: By holding golf fundraisers at Trump courses, they wouldn’t have to worry about inflated costs since they own the properties and wouldn’t charge to use them. Well, that’s not how it worked, as revealed in an investigation by Forbes.

The report revealed how the Trump Organisation did received payments for use of the gold course to the tune of over $ 1.2m, while he apparently used the Eric Trump Foundation to funnel $ 100,000 in donations into revenue for the Trump Organization. Nothing like using the sheen of generosity to line your daddy’s pockets. It’s almost as if he doesn’t really care about sick children and only wants to have a charity for the positive publicity or something.

So why is he the least worst of the two Trump elder sons? I mean, have you seen his competition?

3 — Donald Trump Jr.

Donnie Junior seems like a bitterly sad man. He doesn’t seem to have many friends, he exhibits no semblance or intellect or charm, he colludes with the enemy for peanuts of power then can’t even cover it up properly, and all of that seems to have done nothing to earn him his father’s love. Junior is the Trump sibling who has been his father’s most boisterous cheerleader but with little effectiveness beyond some gross blunders.

Junior seems convinced that he is the true heir to his father’s fortune and legacy: After all, he’s the eldest son, the one with his dad’s name, and the one who looks the most like him, albeit way less orange. He is certainly the Trump child working hardest to be a new breed of kingmaker, campaigning with Republican candidates and allegedly encouraging his dad to choose Ryan Zinke for Secretary of the Interior. The issue is, unlike the truly worst Trump sibling, he has no press savvy or understanding of his own public image. He simply copies his dad, which obviously worked out way too well for that creep, but Junior has none of the protections of public office. Junior is an Alex Jones intern run amok under the belief he’s uncovered Deep Throat.

Remember the Skittles tweet? Or him claiming Hillary Clinton wore an earpiece during the Presidential forum? How about when he revived the alt-right conspiracy that Bill Clinton was somehow responsible for Vince Foster’s death? Junior tried to come for Sadiq Khan, Mayor of London, after the recent Westminster attack, where he as promptly metaphorically spanked by the grown ups.

Him meeting with a Russian lawyer to obtain incriminating information on Hillary was simply the icing on top of a supremely shitty cake. How do you manage to be so calculatingly callous yet so ridiculously bumbling at the same time? To call him Fredo Corleone is an insult to Fredo, who at least had enough self-awareness to know that people thought he was an idiot.

1 — Ivanka Trump.

There can be only one, and truly, there was never really a contest.

Ivanka Trump is truly dangerous. After coasting for her entire adult life on the falsehood of her image as The Good Trump, Ivanka made the evolution from lad’s mag sexpot to respectable businesswoman and family woman who had it all. That glossy image became her aspirational product to sell, and soon you too could live the Ivanka life of Women Who Work if you had the right shoes — made for pennies in criminal conditions in China — or embraced the right brand of femininity that was safe for the men. She has successfully twisted basic feminist philosophy into a self-indulgent ethos she can slap on books and sell for personal profit.

She is a woman who simpers in TV interviews about how mean politics is while propping up the man who perpetrates that poison; She is the clueless narcissist who watches the world burns and posts Instagram photos of her kids at the zoo, thus allowing her own father a new human shield; she is the product of nepotism who has effectively become Trump’s second-in-command, attending summits with world leaders like the most insidious Take Your Child to Work Day imaginable while still claiming she has no involvement with politics; She explicitly endorses her abusive father in the name of women, then leaks sources to try and paint herself and her Jonah-from-Veep husband as the progressive voices in the room.

What makes her most dangerous, on top of all the above, is that the press let’s her get away with it. They still rush to her defence while she benefits from the crumbling of democracy, and they have become the driving forces in helping Ivanka to perpetuate her soft, harmless image of docile submissiveness. Men like Chris Cillizza will go out of their way to defend her, determined to reassert the falsehood that she’s a lovely little girl who wouldn’t harm a fly.

Out of all of Trump’s adult children, Ivanka seems to be the only one he shows true love towards (and possibly lust). She is the true heir and the one who poses the biggest threat. If/when the impeachment happens, watch out for Ivanka’s sad face on an Us Weekly cover exclusive, selling her latest image as a new woman.


Ratajkowski On A Boat In Italy, Tiger Woods Mugshot Mural & Josh Jackson’s Awful First Pitch

Welcome to the dog days

Now that the NBA draft is over, we are officially in the dog days of summer. Some say it starts after the Finals, but really it starts after the draft, the last big NBA event before the next season. So now here we are stuck with just baseball for the next 2 months. Not that baseball is the worst thing in the world, but just essentially meaningless this time of year. It’s a rough stretch, but we can get through it. There’s no Olympics to hold us over this year, so we gotta sack up. Just think, that sweet, sweet nectar of football is waiting for us on the other side.

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Stuff you guys sent in & stuff I like

Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

Warner Bros. Fails ‘Wonder Woman’ Again With This Awful Product Placement

You ever encounter something so blatantly sexist you wonder if perhaps you’ve stepped into the TARDIS and landed in the past? Because that’s pretty much how I’m feeling after seeing the latest news regarding Warner Bros. decision to kick off a promotional placement for Wonder Woman with a brand called thinkThin. Seriously, is this an SNL spoof or something? And don’t you love how thin gets to be capitalized over think? I mean, priorities, right?

We’ve already bemoaned the lack of advertising for Wonder Woman, but now, with just under a month until the film’s release, the glaring lack of over-promotion has sparked a lot of debate over whether or not Warner Bros. is fully invested in the female-led film’s success. Which makes the partnership with a brand called thinkThin so much more tone-deaf and troubling.

According to the article, thinkThin is a female lifestyle brand which offers protein bars, smoothie mixes and other nutritional supplements. Michele Kesser, the president and Ceo of thinkThin had this to say about their partnership with Warner Bros. and Wonder Woman: «No one epitomizes the thinkThin lifestyle better than Wonder Woman, the iconic figure and female lead of a major superhero movie, and we’re excited to partner with Warner Bros. to extend the awareness of both brands.»

I, for one, can think of a lot of reasons why using Wonder Woman to market a brand that encourages women to «think thin» is a horrible idea, chief of them being that Diana has long represented female empowerment and championing women of all shapes and sizes. Wonder Woman has inspired women to find their inner strengths, to seek wisdom and to love yourself as you are. This isn’t to bash women who are thin, but Wonder Woman is certainly not a character who would tell women they must adhere to societal beauty standards which equate beauty (and therefore desirability) with being thin. And it’s choices like this that make me wonder if Warner Bros. even understand this property at all.

I could compare the choice to market Wonder Woman with thinkThin to The Guardians of the Galaxy Doritos endorsement but let me stick this closer to home. Twitter user Petty Ruxpin (@TASKvsTheWorld) recently kicked off a thread with the hashtag #PromoWonderWomanDidntGet, exploring the promotional differences between DC Universe’s properties.

It’s a thread worth exploring in full but it’s telling to see how Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and even Suicide Squad were given huge promotional endorsement — cereal, Doritos, a tattoo parlor, cars — and Wonder Woman has been quietly peddled on the side and picked up by a brand that seems to equate healthy with skinny. So, next time you see someone claiming Wonder Woman doesn’t need promotional help and that we’re all making a mountain out of a molehill, share this thread because Diana deserves better.


‘Orange is the New Black’ S5 Is Available Today Because People Are Awful And Anyone Who Watches Is Awful

If you’re a torrent person, Orange is the New Black season 5 is available today.

Don’t be a douche and download it.

What happened is this: A hacker named thedarkoverlord got her hands on a copy of Orange is the New Black, and that hacker told Netflix she would release it unless Netflix paid her. Netflix didn’t pay her. She released it.

«It didn’t have to be this way, Netflix. You’re going to lose a lot more money in all of this than what our modest offer was. We’re quite ashamed to breathe the same air as you. We figured a pragmatic business such as yourselves would see and understand the benefits of cooperating with a reasonable and merciful entity like ourselves.»

The thedarkoverlord claims to have also obtained copies of other shows not only from Netflix, but from other networks, including ABC, Fox, National Geographic and IFC, apparently stolen from Larson Studios late last year.

In the meantime, Netflix has the cops looking into it.

But look: 90 percent of you subscribe to Netflix. Netflix has been good to you. You all have more television than you can possibly watch. There’s probably 3 or 4 Netflix series in your queue right now. You don’t need to jump the line so you can brag about seeing Orange is the New Black early, because everyone will know how you did, and they will all shame you for it, and if you spoil Orange is the New Black for others, people will throw rocks through your windows and ban you from message boards.

Don’t be that guy. Wait until June and enjoy it with the rest of us. Netflix didn’t do anything to you except provide you more TV than you can handle for an incredibly modest price. Be a good Internet citizen and ignore the pirated copies.

via Variety


All The Reasons Jeff Goldblum Joining ‘Jurassic World 2’ Is Awful

Last night Twitter burst forth with gifs and giddiness when word broke that glorious Jeff Goldblum would reprise his role as sexy chaos theorist Ian Malcolm in Jurassic World 2.

Indeed, Jurassic Park fans were so enamored with the promise of the return of the leather coat-wearing, melodic laugh-having, bare chest-heaving scientist that they lost all reason. Because this is not good news. Let’s break it down:

1. Jurassic World was a stupid, shitty, mean-spirited movie that woefully misunderstood the appeal of the original film. Any sequel is bad news.

2. The return of Jeff Goldblum to a role of sexy nerd hero does not guarantee a decades-later sequel will be any better. Have we already forgotten the lesson of Independence Day: Resurgence? Yes, Goldblum would be fun in Jurassic World 2, that’s a given. But it’ll still be 80% dreck to 20% Goldblum. I’d rather see him lounging in guyliner for Thor: Ragnarok, conquering new worlds of weird hotness in a movie actually worth watching!

3. Even the return of Ian Malcolm can’t make a Jurassic Park sequel good! Remember Lost World? Yeah. Exactly.

4. And the returning of our formative crushes rarely goes well. You might think you want them back. But then what do you get?

You get Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.

You get the death of Han Solo.

5. Basically, you got so preoccupied with whether you could put Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic World 2, you didn’t stop to think if you should. Because here’s an advance review of the movie that brings back sexist asshat Owen (Chris Pratt) and pitiable white-heeled career girl Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) then wedges in a beloved cultural icon to smooth over the all the rough spots:

Kristy Puchko would like you all to see the time Jeff Goldblum complimented her «neck affair.»


The Final Four Has Some Truly Awful Seats

This is your yearly reminder that the Final Four being played in a big ass football stadium is one of the dumbest things ever. They have this tiny little court, 94 feet by 50 feet to be exact, plopped right in the middle of a stadium that holds 60,000 people.

So naturally there’s going to be some terrible seats. Pretty much anything in the 300 level or above is going to need some heavy duty binocular action to see the games tonight. Our boy Darren Rovell gave us a good look from the worst seat in the house yesterday.

A look from the seating chart

Here’s some more awful views for tonight’s games

Instagram Photo

Instagram Photo

Instagram Photo

Instagram Photo


Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

Mike Francesa Gives Us Awful Analysis Of A Potential Maryland-Florida State Game

I guess if you’ve done 30 years as a sports radio host in the #1 market in America, you earned the right to pay zero attention to the sports you plan to talk about. Mike Francesa is a sports radio legend, but he’s also a blabbering old man now who mails in his show on a daily basis.

But that’s why people love him. He’s lacks so much self-awareness at this point that his show has become actually hilarious to listen to. He falls asleep, he takes 10,000 calls a day, he can’t pronounce names, and most importantly, he’s the king of dead air.

That’s why this is his magnus opus. This is Mike doing his best to breakdown the tournament, when it’s SO CLEAR he’s watched right aorund zero college basketball games this year.

Out of the 2 minutes and 48 seconds, I think there’s about a minute of dead air. Also, he thinks Maryland is still in the ACC and while breaking down a potential game he knows nothing about, he throws out about 100 cliches to get his point across. Nothing says you don’t know what you’re talking about more than “They’re hot and cold. You know, I could see them winning and I could see them losing”.

That’s how you become numbah one.

Keep in mind Maryland and FSU might not even play each other

Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage

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