Open Post: Hosted By Colton Haynes As A Slutty Miss Piggy

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One of our new guest writers was supposed to help out today, but technical difficulties kept that from happening and so there weren’t as many posts as usual. Please accept my sowwies in the form of these fap-inducing pictures of Colton Haynes as a ho’d up Miss Piggy posing for a spread in Penthouse Farmhouse magazine. Someone had to serve up a sticky palate cleaner to cleanse away the memory of seeing Katy Perry as Hillary Clinton and that someone is Colton Haynes.

Colton Haynes has been trying to get his hands on Heidi Klum’s Master of Halloween crown for the past few years. Two years ago, Colton dragged it up as Fiona from Shrek and even though he looked more like a bright green booger sculpture of Khlozilla’s original face, his costume was still a winner. Last year, Colton dragged it up as a skinny Ursula the Sea Witch after getting lipo and going on a 2-month-long Master Cleanse. And last night, Colton hit up Slutoween parties as a Miss Piggy Real Doll. If Courtney Stodden played a nurse in that Pig Face episode of The Twilight Zone, that is what she would look like.

Colton posted a bunch of pictures of him looking like Miss Piggy’s Anna Nicole Smith-obsessed auntie on Instagram, and also explained why his socks look like they were used as a clean-up rag after an orgy in the pig pen.

Me posing with my dirty socks that I had to walk in once my 8inch platforms broke & my top fell off. The best Halloween ever!!!

If you didn’t want to sleep at night due to the urge of fapping keeping you up, here’s Colton working his rubber chichis:

And as for what Miss Piggy thinks about Colton’s Slutoween costume:

October 31st isn’t even here yet and I’m already grateful for this Halloween because it has given us a beef, I mean, a pork, between Miss Piggy and Colton Haynes.

Pics: Instagram

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The Walking Dead on AMC at 9:00pm ET.

Westworld on HBO at 9:00pm ET. I’ve been seeing a lot of different theories flying around about this show, some a lot more plausible than others. It always makes me wonder how the creators feel when they read them on the internet. Like, are they sitting there calmly thinking «man, it’ll be great when they see what that’s leading up to» or is it more «oh, fuck, we should have thought of that first»? I’m guessing a little bit of both, and I’m fascinated by the internet has introduced this sort of immediate feedback dynamic between creators and their audiences, at a point where creators are all but helpless to actually integrate that feedback.

Elementary on CBS at 10:00pm ET. 100th episode. Yay! The CBS show we don’t make fun of constantly has its 100th episode. Good for them.

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Katy documented her night on Instagram, sharing a handful of videos from the bash and a photo of her makeup artist getting her ready for the event, writing, «Thanks @COVERGIRL for keeping everyone clean-cut and QT at Hudson High, Home of the Poodles. 💋, Principal Hudson. #KatyxCOVERGIRL.» Kate also got in on the fun, posting snaps of her and a few friends posing in a classroom, captioning one, «Happy birthday Hudson! 🎂 #SockHop.»

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A photo posted by Kevin Jonas (@kevinjonas) on

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Michael and Nicole — who has now changed her Instagram name to Mrs. Nicole Phelps — first began dating in 2007, and after taking a short break in 2011, the pair reunited in 2014. The Olympic swimmer popped the question in February 2015, and a little over a year later, they welcomed their first child, a beautiful baby boy named Boomer Phelps. Congrats to the happy couple!

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Megan Fox Shares the First Photo of Her Photogenic Son Journey

A photo posted by Megan Fox (@the_native_tiger) on

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Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Spend Some Quality Family Time in LA

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