Over the last 54 years, we’ve had short Bonds and tall Bonds, British Bonds, Scottish Bonds, and even an Asian Bond. But the only Bond that matters (besides your word and I guess the kind issued by the Treasury) is a recent addition to the canon—Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. This movie is literally all about a card game, and it still rules.
Not to be outdone by the iconic messiness that ABC and Mimi delivered on New Year’s night, CNN brought Drunk Don Lemon back and dude hit all of the drunk bitch bases. He got a piercing he’ll probably regret and spilled out his feelings like your drunk cousin does while eating a Monster Taco in a Jack In The Box parking lot after partying all night. The other TV tricks working on NYE should take notes from Mimi and Don, because if you don’t look a mess on NYE, you’re doing NYE wrong.
As Kathy Griffin and The Silver Fox did their thing in Times Square, Don Lemon did his in New Orleans with Brooke Baldwin and by that I mean he got plastered. December 31st is really becoming the one day of the year when Don Lemon is completely likable! Here’s some of what Drunk Don Lemon did on New Year’s Eve.
Drunk Don Lemon got his ear pierced and chose a tasteful and tiny fleur-de-lis earring. If I had to watch any CNN reporter get a piercing, I’d want to see Wolf Blitzer get his b-hole pierced or The Silver Fox get his peen lip pierced, but I’ll take this.
Drunk Don Lemon became the voice of the people when he said that 2016 was awful. And a producer became that friend who puts their hand over your drunken mouth to keep you from saying shit when they cut Don Lemon’s mic off.
And after the tequila opened up the door to his emotions, Drunk Don Lemon went on about how he’s ready for a relationship. His messy ass was another shot away from slurring out an acoustic version of Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen.
On Saturday, U.S. District Judge Reed O’Connor, a federal judge in Texas, granted a temporary injunction to halt the enforcement of Affordable Care Act rules intended to ban doctors and hospitals from discriminating against transgender people, the Associated Press reports. The policy’s protections from sex and gender-based discrimination would have also applied to abortion services.
Patriots wide receiver Danny Amendola is still trying to get right for the postseason (high ankle sprain), which means he didn’t have to travel out to Miami this weekend for meaningless Week 17 football. Instead, he got to ring in New Years like a boss at girlfriend Olivia Culpo’s pajama party.
That’s right, a NYE pajama party. Olivia has the right idea here — Why get ultra fancy for a night of sloppy drunkenness when you can sip on champagne in jammies? Or in their case, munch on champagne gummy bears:
Hat game on point for these two:
Check out more from Olivia and Danny’s New Year’s festivities in our gallery above.
It may be a New Year, but there are just some things that prevail and stay timeless — like Erin Andrews Twitter wars! The trolls, weed-like, keep firing away while Pageviews digs deep into her notifications to pick and choose who to curbstomp. It’s a practice I’ve come to appreciate while on this beat.
By the time you read this, I will be on maternity leave. A little quick math will reveal that I have therefore laid off the liquor for nearly a year. A year with several occasions where—to put it mildly—I could have used a drink.
To sum this video up in one word it would be sad. It’s just really sad all around. Once again the Jets suck and these guys continue show up every Sunday to tailgate and cheer them on.
This fans acknowledges the shitfest that is the New York Jets before uttering one of the most depressing phrases a fan could say: “The tailgate is undefeated”. That’s when you know the season has been an abomination. Then he promptly engages in the saddest table smash of the NFL season so far. Something the people of Bills Mafia would say is sacrilegious.
Victoria Beckham and Melanie Chisholm said goodbye to 2016 by throwing it back to 1996. On Saturday, the former Spice Girls made our nostalgic hearts sing when they performed their pop group’s ’90s hit, «2 Become 1,» at the fashion designer’s New Year’s Eve party in Maldives. The pair was all smiles as they shared a sweet embrace on stage together. «Candle light and soul forever . . . A wonderful start to 2017 xxx,» Melanie — better known as Mel C. or Sporty Spice — captioned the photo. Does this mean we can expect a full Spice Girls reunion in the new year?
Mariah Carey struggled through a rather severe audio malfunction during her performance for Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest (can the title of this show get a sound check?) in Times Square on Saturday night. The worst of the problems occurred during Carey’s performance of “Emotions”, when the track played Carey’s vocals only intermittently and thew off her lip-syncing.
Mariah Carey’s amazing train wreck New Year’s Eve performance which was the shiny shit-covered cherry on the diarrhea sundae that was 2016! 2016 saved the most cringeworthy nugget for last and I loved every painful and messy second of it.
Homeland Security has probably opened up a file on Mimi after they got millions upon millions of reports of her bombing in NYC last night. Mimi was the headliner of Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and her performance was more spectacularly awful than Glitter from start to finish. Does anyone know if Azealia Banks hates Mimi, because if she does, she may have sacrificed a chicken to ruin Mimi’s performance. Or maybe the person who was in charge of sound is a JLo fan.
While wearing one of Iris Chacon’s old costumes, Mimi’s performance started with some sashay-away worthy lip-synching and it spiraled into the gutter from there. Something was going on with Mimi’s earpiece, so she ripped it off and delivered an awkward spoken word performance during Emotions as the backing track played. Mimi was able to yodel/lip-synch a bit during We Belong Together, but the whole performance was already a major disaster by then and I’m sure Mayor de Blasio called in FEMA. And I bet that evil demon Ariana Grande Latte was cackling in her dungeon while sticking pins in the ears of her Mimi voodoo doll.
If you haven’t already, put your face muscles to work by cringing while watching one of my favorite performance of 2016! You know that even Ashlee Simpson and Fab from Milli Vanilli got the cringes while watching this:
Billboard’s source blamed it on that ear thing and Mimi not getting enough rehearsal time:
The singer had suffered from a tight and difficult rehearsal schedule earlier in the night was unable to hear through her in-ear monitor, according to a source.
The source told Billboard, “She didn’t have the kind of time that she usually gets for her ‘Mariah-ness.’”
And after Mimi demanded the firings of the sound people, the ear monitor people, her dancers (not including the one she’s currently dry humping on) the executives at ABC and everyone at Adobe for not coming up with a way to Photoshop performances, she waved away that disaster on Twitter.
Err, that was more than shit. That was the entire sewer system. I was probably as drunk as Mimi was last night and I still sang more live notes and moved more than she did. But that’s why that performance was perfection. It had “over it” side-eyes. It had Mimi not doing a very good job of holding in her annoyed feelings about her dancers. It had Mimi spitting out sarcastic words of bitchery about the whole thing. It had Mimi trying to get the drunk people in the audience to Captain-Save-A-Ho her ass by singing for her. And that walk-off at the end…. It was the walk-off that most of my hook-ups do. It was theater and drama! It had everything!
Mimi shouldn’t have said that “shit happens.” She should’ve said that it was all intentional. It was a musical and performance art interpretation of 2016, dahlings. It was art! And that it was.
And here’s Mimi afterward looking like she would rather be posing in a SANS-Spanx and retouching photo shoot with JLo and Ariana Grande.